Aaron Houdd's post 3rd birthday entry

Right after born - 22/2/10

Assalamu'alaikum.

Dear Aaron Houdd,

The time I'm writing this, you are 37 months old - A son, grandson and an abang.

Looking at you now - a handsome, charming little boy, nothing more I could say than Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Having you and Saraa is the best gift Allah has ever grant me.

Three years have passed so fast! I still remember your croaky voice right after you were born- the voice that had knocked my motherhood intuition ever since. I remember Doc Safiah (your Paed) greeted you cheerfully with Assalamualaikum. I remember the doctors and nurses in the OT exclaimed "what a fair skin he has! so fair! and cuteeee!". Everyone in the OT shared the excitement of your birth. And I was indeed the happiest person in the entire world!

You were so fragile back then. Everything about you was cute. From your coos, your smiles, cries- to your act - how you chewed your food, scrunched your nose, made your hair messy, just every single thing about you was cute. But now, cuteness alone isn't enough to describe you! many many times, there are something else in between. It's always mixture of cuteness and cheekiness, cuteness and naughtiness and what else? Uh, every other mom will surely understand what I mean :). That new perspective of cuteness can easily drive me nuts! 

You know, when you were smaller, I used to think that my motherhood experience would be less challenging once you reach toddler-hood. You can eat healthy adult food and walk by yourself, you can speak so we could understand you better and know exactly how you feel, and you can even settle your 'business' by yourself. 

Oh, what a silly me for having that thought!

There's always more and more challenges once you are a mother. 

You can walk by yourself. Not just that... most of the time YOU choose the direction. Hence, shopping simple groceries could take hours. 

You can speak, hence, there's always answers and justifications of your act. When you get cranky, you don't speak because speaking isn't powerful enough. You have better idea. You s.c.r.e.a.m! 

You can eat any healthy food but you also know how to refuse food. So you choose to drink milk all day.

Yes you can settle your business by yourself, of course you can. But you chose to end your 60% of successful potty training in a week by peepee everywhere and groaned "I'm so tired I've to go to toilet so many times. I wanna wear diaper again". And A big exclaimed of "Yeayy, I'm wearing diaper again!" like you just won a lottery officially had ended the potty training mission.

I can't lie that sometimes I can't handle this motherhood thingy. There are times I feel like a failure, the biggest loser of the entire motherhood world. Nope. Not because you're a nuisance. You just being a kid and it's perfectly normal. It just me, learning to be a good mother to you. Yeah sometimes it's not easy. But there's no way I can give up on you. Not even in a split second that I lose love upon you despite how hard the situation may be. Indeed, you made me realize that patience is an essence in motherhood, and love makes everything a perfect sense... Your pure love keeps me sane and alive.

Dear Aaron Houdd,
You may outgrow my lap, but you'd never outgrow my heart. (a modified unknown quote. hehe)

And I pray to Allah to always guide you and grant you His mercy.

Around 20 months old!

Few months before he turns 3!