Saturday, September 29, 2012


It's normal to feel serabut when many important things come all at once. It depends on us how we want to react with the situation. Right?

Teringat masa belajar kat sekolah/university dulu, kalau kita pergi motivasi ke apa akan ada lah motivator yang ajar kite quadrant - important, unimportant, urgent, un-urgent... haaaa... ingat tak? hehe...

Actually post kali ni is all about pregnancy.... and other stuffs.... OK. be precise. Pregnancy VS my thesis... Hehe...

Sometimes during my 36 weeks of pregnancy, I've decided to focus more on my childbirth. I know some moms would grin and think I'm a bit exaggerate about this. Just wait for the moment and let it happens as how it should be. What else to prepare?... Yes? No?

As a mom who had already given birth once, I should have not worry much, shouldn't I? But this is just me, being myself. Nak bersalin pon survey hospital bagai nak rak, nak exclusive breastfeed? I read a lottttt and asked a lot of questions too (Alhamdulillah I succeed!)... and now, whether to have a safe and successful VBAC or just rely on the typical hospital procedure in childbirth or simply get another Cesarean birth  ---> has led me to another field of research! Hahaha...

 I'd once decided to prioritize on the childbirth research finding, and hence, my thesis became comparatively my 2nd priority (just for temporary). And I was quite happy with my decision that time...  A lot of new things have been discovered, new insights on childbirth, etc etc... But a lot more to dig and digest... Hypnobirthing, breathing techniques, exercises, the best positions of birthing, the norms and myths of childbirth, whether induction/intervention/medical instruments are necessary, safe baby and safe natural birth, etc etc etc...

But something had happened last week, which has turned my life into haywire and urged my mind to think more about my thesis rather than anything else...

My master journey:

I am currently in my thesis writing mode. According to plan, I'm supposed to submit my thesis on Sept (as that's the dateline given by my co-sv). But well, the reason why this post exists, definitely because I have not yet accomplished the mission. Hehe...

A lot of unexpected things showed out along the process, which slow down the process. I was able to submit my 1st and 2nd chapter within 3-4 weeks gap only, but the result and discussion take longer than expected because of the hiccups. Sometimes I feel like quitting, other time.... Well, just put aside everything, ignore for a couple of days or even a week, and focus on anything else in life... Hah, I'm actually quite pro in doing that. Haha... Well, human... sometimes we got demotivated... right? (alasan!)

I don't want to tell u in detail about what has actually happened and what's going on in my master project (seriously it's not worth to know and yes, it has cost me quite a lot of tears - oh my tears are precious! coz I'm no a wimp).

But for some reasons, nak tak nak memang kena fikir pasal thesis ni melebihi yang lain... And it's very very very dissapointing sebab sepatutnya time macam ni dah boleh relax and just prepare mentally, physically and spiritually towards the childbirth (39 weeks and counting)..tick tock tick tock...

My pregnancy:
But somehow, I gained my strength back... After I got nagged by my hubby :)

 "You've spent a lot of time on your Master. And you've come this far despite the obstacles... and you can still continue on this whenever after the child is born. Tapi masa you nak bersalin nanti, it's your only experience for this only child, and it's a big event too. Whatever happen to you during labor nanti, only you can help yourself. others can't, especially orang2 yang buat awak susah tu, dorang tak ambil kisah pon macam mana urusan awak bersalin nanti... And without knowledge, confidence and all, how can you know what is the best for you and the baby? What if the doc wants to induce, what if you don't know how to push the right way? So I think, it's time for you to just focus on the baby. You've tried hard to please people tapi this time it's time for yourself. you've the right to do so"

And Yaaa, he got the points.... My children are my priority no matter how. If I want to try something new, something that I'm not familiar with, something memang takde experience langsung, I better be prepare... And since that night, I browsed as many info as I can, googled up articles, and joined a few forums that really help me in many ways.

And as far as I could remember, I just vet through articles for thesis writing twice and jenguk2 my writing also twice (for the whole week).... Teheeeee. tak boleh la nak tinggal langsung... siang carik info birthing, tengah2 malam (kalau rajin) buka pulak lembaran thesis... (tapi selalu tak rajin sangat)

Oh, i'd like to share some beneficial website, (in case you are planning for natural childbirth or pondering about the proper childbirth process etc)...

And I've also joined these amazing groups:-
Thanks to these groups because now I gain more knowledge and most importantly, confidence to try on my VBAC (trust me if you are not used to chldbirth experience and hanya terikat dengan cakap2 kawan2 about their childbirth experience which are all stereotype - supine position, lie down on bed, dont lift up your butt during pushing or u'll get severe perineum tears etc, u'll be surprise of the new perspective of childbirth)

Sangat2 berdoa semuanya dipermudahkan oleh Allah.... Aminnnn...

One thing to share.... semalam pukul 12.34 pagi hubby call from his Maxis nu. I asked him why he called use that nu. (mahal)... he said another phone run out of batery....and here's the detail....

Me: it's OK. wait until u reach home, charge the phone n call me back. I'm not gonna sleep now.
Him: I'm actually dah depan rumah
Me: Oh, tak pelah then, masuk la rumah dulu. call back later
Him: I'm in front of rumah Meru la ni yanggg (my parents house)

And I straight away went to the front door and... TADAAAAAA, we was really there! I slapped his chest to confirm that that was real. Hahaha...

We went to McD, senyap2 masuk n keluar rumah sebab everybody had just slept... and this morning my dad pon terkejut tiba2 menantu dia buat surprise...

Oh, in case you may ask. My hubby sampai khamis malam (pagi) and akan pulang semula ke Oman sabtu malam. Just a weekend visit (Oman cuti Jumaat and Sabtu)...  Hmmm... it wasn't me, it's his idea OK. I'm doing just fine here...(padahal happy giler).

But now Aaron Houdd pulak demam. within 4 hours he vomited 5 times... (apa yang masuk, terus akan keluar right away). Itu memang simptom demam Aaron Houdd...Still monitoring his condition right now... kalau demam panas sangat have to bathe him with warm water (normally just bogel and lap basah2 je. nak mandi tak sampai hati) and give him paraC. Hope not to that extend... Huhu...


Thursday, September 20, 2012

Bad news, big hikmah I guess.

Everyone encounters different stage of tasks in a different way. As Muslims, we should believe that all the ujiaan we face will eventually lead us to something good, cause we believe Allah doesn't burden us something that we couldn't bear. Or in other words, Allah only tests us with the ujiaan that is possible for us to solve. "When there's problem, there's a way to tackle it"

Remember this ayaat? ......Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.... :: 2 : 286 ::

This ayaat is very wonderful! A great reminder and a powerful Du'a too...

And speaking of ujiaan... This is what I'm going to share.

As you know, my hubby and I are now in the LDR phase. It's not easy, and never will be any easier so long as we are in this phase. But this challenge is just part and partial of our marriage journey. Life goes on. Others face different kind of problems in their marriage journey : Trying to conceive a baby, financial, health, etc etc. Yet, life goes on.

My pregnancy is now 37 weeks. 2 weeks ago, I received a call from my hubby, saying that his company may want to freeze any leave in Oct due to some big events i.e launching new Islamic product of the bank and grand official opening of the Islamic Bank's division (sort of). And tadaaa, my EDD is in Oct! when I first hear the news, I felt so mad! What I just heard was so nerves wrecking!

I took a deep breath to digest the news. I could no longer hear my hubby's voice clearly, just heard him calling "sayang, sayang" a few times after that. Can you imagine that? I'm about to give birth to OUR baby, not mine alone, and the most important person, the one that I really need at that moment, may not join me during that big event! I think it's totally make sense if I feel mad. And yes, I was so mad that I just blurted anything I wanted-didn't really care of my hubby's feeling. Yeah yeah, all the blame was on him! Well, he's the one who leave us, we are still here. not going anywhere!

But that didn't last long. I asked permission to end the conversation right away, as I need to calm myself before I hurt my hubby's feeling with my unconscious-unthinking words. But my hubby gave me only like...5 minutes to calm down, he called me back.... But Alhamdulillah, within that short period of time, I gained my rationality back. I just told him that I think it's Ok if it's really happen. I think I'll be able to handle the situation. I think I'll be fine. just keep on praying that the process will be smooth.That's all I need. In the end I did tell him that most importantly, I want to make sure that Allah is always with me, esp during the hard time - And I said all that with tears I tried hard to hold back.

Up till now, my hubby is still trying his best to ask for exception to take leaves (though he's the mastermind of the product, and one of the main person for the whole Bank event). If not, he'd be able to take long leave - paternity leave + block leave for 10 days. But now.... All we can do now is to pray, and my hubby just need to try his best. Twakkal 'ala Allah. inshaAllah there must b a way....We'll see how it turns out.

::Reminiscene of my first week after delivery 2 years back = My hubby was the hero of the story. He helped me in many ways: Brought the necessities, provide whatever necessary, clean up my wastes and discharges, massage my feet, shoulder, head, whatever...Only him can do this to me, without me even have to ask. without shame :: 

OK. that's one story.

Remember my last post about Looking for a malay/muslim confinement lady (CL)?
I goggled here and there, asked friends and people about this, posted status in FB wall and in few forums. I went to Shadira spa and some other places myself to survey. Alhamdulillah, I found 2 candidates that fit my requirement... And out of this 2, I chose this makcik from Malacca that I knew from a blogger. From her review that she posted in her blog, this Makcik did a superb service. I made a few calls with the Makcik, asked questions, and lastly, close the deal!--- This happened couple of months ago, during early Ramadhan.

From the early discussion, the agreement was to take her for 15 days home-care service for RM2K... But I've to deposit RM500 in her account to confirm booking. OK. easy peasy.

But since then, I called many times to ask for her account nu. She said she'll give me when she's home. She was in duty everytime I called, and she didn't remember her account nu. At last she said, I don't have to pay the deposit cause we already meet the agreement. Coincidentally she has one customer in Taman Melawati end of Sept so she'll go straight to me after finish her work there. She remember my name, safe my contact nu. and she said she'll call me back on my EDD, just to check whether or not I have delivered the baby. If yes, somebody just have to fetch her at  Batu 3 KTM station. It's quite weird though, dealing business in such way. I somehow felt unsafe.

And my gut was telling me the truth. This morning, the Makcik called me and told me that she has to cancel the service because she just realized she already has one customer just 5 days after my EDD. That customer has already confirmed the booking since June. I asked her if she already has customer since June, why on earth she didn't tell me right away when I asked her last time??? She said she didn't check her schedule until last night! What! that is so insane, doesn't make sense at all! If she has that attitude, I bet I'm not the only one who face this problem.

I was so mad and frustrated but I don't know why I didn't scold her. Makcik tak makcik, this is so unprofessional! She apologized but that wasn't enough! It's easy for her to just run away but I am the one who have to face the consequences. Only 2 weeks ++ to my EDD, and now I don't have any CL!

I called my hubby and told him about this. Pity him. I didn't mean to make him worry, but I have to let him involve this time. Before this, I took charge of almost everything regarding this CL, hospital survey, baby items etc. But now, at this time, he has to...

So we are now trying our best to find a good CL in last minute. Normally we have to book a few months early for the CL especially if we have one really good. But at this last minute time, I just hope to solve this problem ASAP.

I don't care how good the service she could provide. But the very basic thing must correct- attitude. Do you think it's good to let people in trouble and you just walk away from the problem you created for others, as long as you are OK?

My hubby said "It's Ok. mesti ada hikmah. Kita usaha dulu. inshaAllah."
I just hope we can solve the problem. My hubby is away. Farrr away, not away like, just 100 miles moms working. And I have Aaron Houdd to take care of. I've decided to try for VBAC delivery despite my previous history of CPD. but just in case I have to undergo another c-sect, with my hubby is away, who's going to take care of me and the baby? She knew my situation very well. We discussed about this, I told her about my condition and my concern. If only she ever thinks of the consequences of  her action....

I can't predict what comes next. But I just hope that in the end, I'll be OK. and the baby is alright. Right now I don't really in the mood of telling you in detail about my Master's progress, the rejection of pengurangan yuran which cost me RM 1300++ for this semester padahal I've already in writing mode (no point of paying the research fees which cost me more than half of the total price), and my lecturer's intention to add some more labwork towards the end of my master's journey (I don't deny the fact that what she's doing is for my own good, but indeed, the time is not suitable.not now!). All...came at once!

It's like I'm having a can of worms... a major quagmire in this critical time. A long and deep sigh may seem to suit me... I feel burdened, and yes I sometimes feel out of control.

Do you remember the story of Prophet Ayyub, on how Allah tests him with stages of ujiaan, each time was great and heavy. He lost his health, wealth, children, even his wife....Yet Prophet Ayyub's Imaan neither break nor shatter. Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar.... the story of Prophet Ayyub is my strength every time I feel so out of control.....though... I must admit, deep inside, my heart is ache, my emotion is disturbed, my brain keeps on producing tonnes of questions-the top one is Why me? why now? and I am not excluded from comparing my journey with others - like why I have to face stages of obstacle just to achieve (just) one goal? why others' are easier?

But then.... I realize that I have no right to blame anyone, precisely Allah... for all that happen. Because this is my life story. Others' are different. And yes, maybe my prayer is not sincere enough, my effort is not hard enough, and my love to Allah is not deep enough... Before I question Allah, I have to question myself first. Am I a good servant, and have I forgotten easily all other ni'mat Allah has given me.... The nikmat is wayyyy to much than the tests he's given.... Just like what Prophet Ayyub asked his wife before he let her go...

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
(Ar-rahman, 55:13)

Peace Be Upon You (",)

Peace Be Upon You (",)

Tribute to all mothers in the world!