A dedication to all mothers in the world :)

Maryam Saraa's Aqiqah goodies tags.

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15).

Everyone knows that a mother is the pillar of a family. She's everything to her family. You see, when we say everything, that includes being a mom, a friend, a doctor, a teacher, a chef, a housekeeper... Best description - a runner.

Being one person in many positions? Oh that's terrific! And don't forget to sum up all the wifey job! (^__^)

How many of us moms have to wake up early in the morning and don't even have time to have a nice proper breakfast because we have loads of things to settle in a very stiff hours? -bathe the kids,  prepare breakfast, hubby, prepare to work, send kids to nursery/school... yada yada yada...

How many of us sometimes can't even grab a single glass of drink when kids throw tantrums, fighting, or got hyperventilated/sugar rush etc?

And how many of us, sometimes crying quietly somewhere in the kitchen while preparing something because we are too tired or hurt, or maybe crying out loud alone in the car because we got frustrated with the kids behavior, asking ourselves what have we done wrong? Which parenting part did we relinquish? And then, reminiscing the good old days when the kids were smaller, on how beautiful they were as a small creature, and how we had showered them our undeniable, unquestionable love. Thus, hoping for something impossible like how we wish our growing teenagers to act less complicated just like when they were smaller.

Or maybe crying while having a shower, contemplating ourselves, hoping that one can understand how tired we are, how weak, hopeless kind of mom, and getting frustrated of our inability to stay stronger.

Alas, mothers, you are indeed not alone. If you think your inner voice is unheard, your loved ones aren't really care about how you feel and you sometimes behaving a wee bit emotional, just take a deep breath, take some moment to be alone and keep your head. Coz that's just part and parcel of motherhood. Other moms face the same thing too. Yes, we moms understand each other better. And we know that those sappy feelings are uninvited yet free to come but won't take long to leave.

Being a mother is like taking a full time job that doesn't allow you to resign. It is a restless, exhausting job with loads of responsibilities. Your working hour is from the moment you open your eyes until when you close them back to sleep. That doesn't include working extra hours pass your sleeping time due to fever bugs in the house, or finding solution for some family dilemma or for any other reasons only you know. 

Behold, 

For every difficulty a mother has to endure, every challenge that may seems so hard to tackle and every big responsibility she has to carry, being a mother is one of the most dignified profession in this world and in the hereafter. And it is surprisingly the coolest position you may have experienced. Despite all the unwieldiness, the never ending demand from the loved ones, and the craziness one could turn out to be when she becomes a mother (hehe), there are myriad pleasure you'd grasp throughout your motherhood experiences. And no matter how hard life would be, you'd stand tall and survive. You know why? Because you let yourself Redha with the sacrifices you've made and You lay your love on everything you do. You mothers, are indeed so super special and super strong!  

And if at any moment you feel unappreciated, alone, disgrace, exhausted.... Remember that as long as you Redha and Ikhlas, this is one of the many ways that can grant you Jannah!

It's a free ticket for us moms to enter Jannah!

And just to revitalize our spirit, sort of emboldening our motherhood vibes, lets remind ourself about the greatest reward that every heart's desires; THE JANNAH. 

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet, said, "Allah said, 'I have prepared for My pious worshipers such things as no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard of, and nobody has ever thought of. All that is reserved, besides which, all that you have seen, is nothing." Then he recited:-- 'No soul knows what is kept hidden (in reserve) for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do.' (32.17) (Book #60, Hadith #303 of Sahih Bukhari) 

*Now, imagine the best thing we'd ever want in this world, the best place we've ever been/imagine, the happiest moment you've ever had in your memory..... Jannah offers you so much more and it's beyond comparison.

These two ahli syurga are my syurga dunia.

Aaron Houdd's post 3rd birthday entry

Right after born - 22/2/10

Assalamu'alaikum.

Dear Aaron Houdd,

The time I'm writing this, you are 37 months old - A son, grandson and an abang.

Looking at you now - a handsome, charming little boy, nothing more I could say than Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Having you and Saraa is the best gift Allah has ever grant me.

Three years have passed so fast! I still remember your croaky voice right after you were born- the voice that had knocked my motherhood intuition ever since. I remember Doc Safiah (your Paed) greeted you cheerfully with Assalamualaikum. I remember the doctors and nurses in the OT exclaimed "what a fair skin he has! so fair! and cuteeee!". Everyone in the OT shared the excitement of your birth. And I was indeed the happiest person in the entire world!

You were so fragile back then. Everything about you was cute. From your coos, your smiles, cries- to your act - how you chewed your food, scrunched your nose, made your hair messy, just every single thing about you was cute. But now, cuteness alone isn't enough to describe you! many many times, there are something else in between. It's always mixture of cuteness and cheekiness, cuteness and naughtiness and what else? Uh, every other mom will surely understand what I mean :). That new perspective of cuteness can easily drive me nuts! 

You know, when you were smaller, I used to think that my motherhood experience would be less challenging once you reach toddler-hood. You can eat healthy adult food and walk by yourself, you can speak so we could understand you better and know exactly how you feel, and you can even settle your 'business' by yourself. 

Oh, what a silly me for having that thought!

There's always more and more challenges once you are a mother. 

You can walk by yourself. Not just that... most of the time YOU choose the direction. Hence, shopping simple groceries could take hours. 

You can speak, hence, there's always answers and justifications of your act. When you get cranky, you don't speak because speaking isn't powerful enough. You have better idea. You s.c.r.e.a.m! 

You can eat any healthy food but you also know how to refuse food. So you choose to drink milk all day.

Yes you can settle your business by yourself, of course you can. But you chose to end your 60% of successful potty training in a week by peepee everywhere and groaned "I'm so tired I've to go to toilet so many times. I wanna wear diaper again". And A big exclaimed of "Yeayy, I'm wearing diaper again!" like you just won a lottery officially had ended the potty training mission.

I can't lie that sometimes I can't handle this motherhood thingy. There are times I feel like a failure, the biggest loser of the entire motherhood world. Nope. Not because you're a nuisance. You just being a kid and it's perfectly normal. It just me, learning to be a good mother to you. Yeah sometimes it's not easy. But there's no way I can give up on you. Not even in a split second that I lose love upon you despite how hard the situation may be. Indeed, you made me realize that patience is an essence in motherhood, and love makes everything a perfect sense... Your pure love keeps me sane and alive.

Dear Aaron Houdd,
You may outgrow my lap, but you'd never outgrow my heart. (a modified unknown quote. hehe)

And I pray to Allah to always guide you and grant you His mercy.

Around 20 months old!

Few months before he turns 3!

A note from The Sultan Qaboos's country

It's been 9 days we are here - away from our beloved country, family and friends.

And here's what I really want to tell:

Following my hubby abroad, giving him chance to groom his career while I, a master student, have to sacrifice on my dream career- being a full time housewife, taking care of the kids and hubby, writing thesis, doing chores, repeating routines, giving in my social life - friends, fav places to hang out, etc... is one very tough decision to make.

and above all, it may seem so unfair. 

But here's the deal. Long distant relationship is full of crap, at least for us. Yeah we never like it and as far as we know, nothing else would content a happily married couple than being together. Together in hardships, sorrow, pain, struggles in life, and also in happiness, joy, laughter. 

An eleven months LDR experience has taught me a lot. It has changed some part of me and my perceptions too. Going down the lane on how I had to struggle being a single mom to my kids was a heartbreaking for both of us. Never will I forget the moment where I had to carry a 14 kg toddler with  high fever to the hospital at 11pm while I was carrying another human being inside me. Waiting in the A&E with few visits to toilet due to morning sickness. Not to forget the moment I had to drive to UM by myself to complete my labworks, each time was so challenging also due to pregnancy symptoms mainly nausea. How was I going to vomit in the forever congested traffic at Federal Highway, and I remember one time I almost got cramped leg while I was stuck in a bad traffic. Not to mention the frustrations of couldn't share the bad news to my most trusted person right after receiving it, never mind to have my head on his shoulders.

And there were my counting days- a few minor surges and false alarm without my hubby by my side. Fighting over the possibility of hubby might not come back during delivery through phone calls, having postpartum complication and again, hubby wasn't around. And more sick kids- both Aaron and Saraa, all without the Daddy, the one we always need to be around.

Even if all those tests didn't appear, the need of a best friend when we were in despair, the touch of  the loved one when we were in pain and the giggles and the face that had budding loneliness when he's not around was killing enough. 

And for me, that is not all. One thing that worried me was the feeling of 'It's OK' that grew bigger day by day. You know, when we used to do things on our own and we deliberately getting used to it, and we think we can handle things all by ourselves. Hah, sometimes it freaked me out cause I sometimes had to ask myself whether or not I still love my hubby. Well of course the answer is yes, but you know, because we rarely do things together anymore, I sometimes didn't seem to bother if he didn't call me even once for the day. Lagi2 lah he was busy and different time zone also contribute to the limitations. I sensed this mostly during our last period of LDR few months before I followed him here. Wouldn't a wife supposed to wait for her hubby's call and if there was, she should be so happy to pick up the call? No? I was the opposite. If I had fast asleep I won't bother a call from him although that considered our first chat of the day. And sometimes during the conversation I can multi task with instagramming, Facebooking, or anything else depending on the time. Wasn't 100% focusing on him. So yes, I didn't like that. I was seen as a bad wife.  

Moving here, I'd left many unsettled things but bring them along to inshaAllah, settle them from here, step by step. Capitulate on my dream career and struggle to finish my responsibility as a student , Only Allah knows how am I going to survive here, what way suits me best, and which direction I will eventually choose. I may have to undergo many obstacles, failures, frustrations, and discouragement regardless of how mature the decision we'd made. But in the end, I know whatever it is, this is my destiny.

So now, we are back together again. I pray to Allah that we won't have to face the same test again, inshaAllah. Being together doesn't mean end of story and everything will go smooth. Our life here has just begun, so that means more upcoming challenges, more tests and more surprises. But as long as we are together, I hope we can handle life as we supposed to do, the best we can.

Thank you for your never ending thoughts, du'a and encouragements. Only Allah can repay all your good deeds.

Maryam Saraa 3months old in this photo. Amik dari instagram je malas nk upload lain.hehe