Thursday, September 20, 2012

Bad news, big hikmah I guess.

Everyone encounters different stage of tasks in a different way. As Muslims, we should believe that all the ujiaan we face will eventually lead us to something good, cause we believe Allah doesn't burden us something that we couldn't bear. Or in other words, Allah only tests us with the ujiaan that is possible for us to solve. "When there's problem, there's a way to tackle it"

Remember this ayaat? ......Allah does not impose upon any soul a duty but to the extent of its ability. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.... :: 2 : 286 ::

This ayaat is very wonderful! A great reminder and a powerful Du'a too...

And speaking of ujiaan... This is what I'm going to share.

As you know, my hubby and I are now in the LDR phase. It's not easy, and never will be any easier so long as we are in this phase. But this challenge is just part and partial of our marriage journey. Life goes on. Others face different kind of problems in their marriage journey : Trying to conceive a baby, financial, health, etc etc. Yet, life goes on.

My pregnancy is now 37 weeks. 2 weeks ago, I received a call from my hubby, saying that his company may want to freeze any leave in Oct due to some big events i.e launching new Islamic product of the bank and grand official opening of the Islamic Bank's division (sort of). And tadaaa, my EDD is in Oct! when I first hear the news, I felt so mad! What I just heard was so nerves wrecking!

I took a deep breath to digest the news. I could no longer hear my hubby's voice clearly, just heard him calling "sayang, sayang" a few times after that. Can you imagine that? I'm about to give birth to OUR baby, not mine alone, and the most important person, the one that I really need at that moment, may not join me during that big event! I think it's totally make sense if I feel mad. And yes, I was so mad that I just blurted anything I wanted-didn't really care of my hubby's feeling. Yeah yeah, all the blame was on him! Well, he's the one who leave us, we are still here. not going anywhere!

But that didn't last long. I asked permission to end the conversation right away, as I need to calm myself before I hurt my hubby's feeling with my unconscious-unthinking words. But my hubby gave me only like...5 minutes to calm down, he called me back.... But Alhamdulillah, within that short period of time, I gained my rationality back. I just told him that I think it's Ok if it's really happen. I think I'll be able to handle the situation. I think I'll be fine. just keep on praying that the process will be smooth.That's all I need. In the end I did tell him that most importantly, I want to make sure that Allah is always with me, esp during the hard time - And I said all that with tears I tried hard to hold back.

Up till now, my hubby is still trying his best to ask for exception to take leaves (though he's the mastermind of the product, and one of the main person for the whole Bank event). If not, he'd be able to take long leave - paternity leave + block leave for 10 days. But now.... All we can do now is to pray, and my hubby just need to try his best. Twakkal 'ala Allah. inshaAllah there must b a way....We'll see how it turns out.

::Reminiscene of my first week after delivery 2 years back = My hubby was the hero of the story. He helped me in many ways: Brought the necessities, provide whatever necessary, clean up my wastes and discharges, massage my feet, shoulder, head, whatever...Only him can do this to me, without me even have to ask. without shame :: 

OK. that's one story.

Remember my last post about Looking for a malay/muslim confinement lady (CL)?
I goggled here and there, asked friends and people about this, posted status in FB wall and in few forums. I went to Shadira spa and some other places myself to survey. Alhamdulillah, I found 2 candidates that fit my requirement... And out of this 2, I chose this makcik from Malacca that I knew from a blogger. From her review that she posted in her blog, this Makcik did a superb service. I made a few calls with the Makcik, asked questions, and lastly, close the deal!--- This happened couple of months ago, during early Ramadhan.

From the early discussion, the agreement was to take her for 15 days home-care service for RM2K... But I've to deposit RM500 in her account to confirm booking. OK. easy peasy.

But since then, I called many times to ask for her account nu. She said she'll give me when she's home. She was in duty everytime I called, and she didn't remember her account nu. At last she said, I don't have to pay the deposit cause we already meet the agreement. Coincidentally she has one customer in Taman Melawati end of Sept so she'll go straight to me after finish her work there. She remember my name, safe my contact nu. and she said she'll call me back on my EDD, just to check whether or not I have delivered the baby. If yes, somebody just have to fetch her at  Batu 3 KTM station. It's quite weird though, dealing business in such way. I somehow felt unsafe.

And my gut was telling me the truth. This morning, the Makcik called me and told me that she has to cancel the service because she just realized she already has one customer just 5 days after my EDD. That customer has already confirmed the booking since June. I asked her if she already has customer since June, why on earth she didn't tell me right away when I asked her last time??? She said she didn't check her schedule until last night! What! that is so insane, doesn't make sense at all! If she has that attitude, I bet I'm not the only one who face this problem.

I was so mad and frustrated but I don't know why I didn't scold her. Makcik tak makcik, this is so unprofessional! She apologized but that wasn't enough! It's easy for her to just run away but I am the one who have to face the consequences. Only 2 weeks ++ to my EDD, and now I don't have any CL!

I called my hubby and told him about this. Pity him. I didn't mean to make him worry, but I have to let him involve this time. Before this, I took charge of almost everything regarding this CL, hospital survey, baby items etc. But now, at this time, he has to...

So we are now trying our best to find a good CL in last minute. Normally we have to book a few months early for the CL especially if we have one really good. But at this last minute time, I just hope to solve this problem ASAP.

I don't care how good the service she could provide. But the very basic thing must correct- attitude. Do you think it's good to let people in trouble and you just walk away from the problem you created for others, as long as you are OK?

My hubby said "It's Ok. mesti ada hikmah. Kita usaha dulu. inshaAllah."
I just hope we can solve the problem. My hubby is away. Farrr away, not away like, just 100 miles moms working. And I have Aaron Houdd to take care of. I've decided to try for VBAC delivery despite my previous history of CPD. but just in case I have to undergo another c-sect, with my hubby is away, who's going to take care of me and the baby? She knew my situation very well. We discussed about this, I told her about my condition and my concern. If only she ever thinks of the consequences of  her action....

I can't predict what comes next. But I just hope that in the end, I'll be OK. and the baby is alright. Right now I don't really in the mood of telling you in detail about my Master's progress, the rejection of pengurangan yuran which cost me RM 1300++ for this semester padahal I've already in writing mode (no point of paying the research fees which cost me more than half of the total price), and my lecturer's intention to add some more labwork towards the end of my master's journey (I don't deny the fact that what she's doing is for my own good, but indeed, the time is not suitable.not now!). All...came at once!

It's like I'm having a can of worms... a major quagmire in this critical time. A long and deep sigh may seem to suit me... I feel burdened, and yes I sometimes feel out of control.

Do you remember the story of Prophet Ayyub, on how Allah tests him with stages of ujiaan, each time was great and heavy. He lost his health, wealth, children, even his wife....Yet Prophet Ayyub's Imaan neither break nor shatter. Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar, Allahuakbar.... the story of Prophet Ayyub is my strength every time I feel so out of control.....though... I must admit, deep inside, my heart is ache, my emotion is disturbed, my brain keeps on producing tonnes of questions-the top one is Why me? why now? and I am not excluded from comparing my journey with others - like why I have to face stages of obstacle just to achieve (just) one goal? why others' are easier?

But then.... I realize that I have no right to blame anyone, precisely Allah... for all that happen. Because this is my life story. Others' are different. And yes, maybe my prayer is not sincere enough, my effort is not hard enough, and my love to Allah is not deep enough... Before I question Allah, I have to question myself first. Am I a good servant, and have I forgotten easily all other ni'mat Allah has given me.... The nikmat is wayyyy to much than the tests he's given.... Just like what Prophet Ayyub asked his wife before he let her go...

So which of the favors of your Lord would you deny?
(Ar-rahman, 55:13)


  1. Oh my dear, hg mmg iron lady.. Aku percaya hg mampu hadapi semua ni..insyaAllah, semoga selamat semuanya. Aku turut bsimpati tp hg yg aku kenal, bukan seorang yg lemah. Semoga Allah sentiasa bersama.. Love u dear.

  2. I'll pray that everything will be okay at the end. Hang on there. There must be some ways out.

  3. Tak tahu nk ckp ape.. :'(
    Nk ckp pernah rasa kperitan itu, mngkin x seperit apa yg akak rasa..
    Sabar ye kak.. Keep strong and never give up!
    Insha Allah semua akn oke
    *kalau area batu 3 nk ambil tht mkcik yg xjd last2 minit tu, roger2 je sy. Hee*

  4. BIG SIGH!! takpe gie, orang yg menyebabkan kesukaran dalam hidup kita n simply walk away tu, kita serahkan je lah kepada Allah sebab, Allah tu Maha Adil dan Dia Maha Mendengar segala keluhan2 kita!!!

    Aku pernah alami situasi ni (org yg mcm ni lah), mmg rasa macam nak jadi Incredible Hulk juga lah sebab rasa marah yg amat (some things that concerns our LIFE so marah lah). Aku amalkan doa minta Allah kurniakan sesuatu yg lebih baik daripada apa yg kita kehilangan. And it was the best thing & I got the best thing in my life after that....

    All this will past. You will get that 'something better' and you'll see. Just hang on jer.

    Anyway, aku pun rasa mcm nak marah laki ko!!!!! hahaha. Maybe dia pun nak marah diri dia sendiri. :)

    Teruskan mencari CL. Ada tu.. mudah-mudahan.


Peace Be Upon You (",)

Peace Be Upon You (",)

Tribute to all mothers in the world!