Salaam from the Gulf: I'm still alive!

Before I go into details, let me tell you this: This is a drafted entry. I’m not sure when will I get the chance to get connected to a real human world again, but whenever the time is, I’ll post this entry anyway.

(Sounds so depressing ain’t I?)

It is quite depressing in some way that I don’t even know how to start. (Oh cut the crap, it’s the 2^nd paragraph already. Hehe)

OK OK. First of all, I miss everything around me, inside and outside me, back then. I miss my family, my friends, my routine, food, food and yes, food. Hehe… It’s not even a week yet but I’ve sensed a huge void of loneliness here. Bear with me, and you’ll know why. Anyhow, I don’t need reason to miss ya all rite? Likewise, you don’t need reason to miss me, not even have to tell me that you miss me, coz I knew it. Hehe

Alhamdulillah, we arrived here safely at around 2 a.m Malaysia zone. The journey was OK, the food was not bad, and Aaron Houdd was soooo lively all the way here. We were placed (and now residing) in Al-Murooj Rotana, a suite that is so sweet. I never thought to be located in such a place. Honestly, I’d prepared something less similar than place like this. We have a comfy residency here- A small but cozy kitchen with complete cooking and cutlery sets and a washing machine plus dryer (If I know about this, I’d have just bring less clothes, you know- so that bile balik ada banyak space untuk letak barang shopping), daily garbage cleaning, 3 times/week housekeeping, and breakfast for every morning! As an appetizer to this first outlying entry, let us first enjoy the photos:

 So how’s life here? Let’s start with the weather. As we are about to welcome a so-called winter season on November, morning has become hazy. But the atmosphere is dry and dusty. I’ve so far gotten the chance to feel the real weather twice only because I stay indoors most of the time.

Now we talk about time. Malaysia time zone is 4 hours ahead of us. 7 o’clock here is as bright and sunny as 9 o’clock in Malaysia. Maghrib is as the time where Malaysian boys play soccer. If you start your day a lil late, you’d say days are short and nights come so soon…

As for us, we have some issues here. It’s either we are still stuck in Malaysia time zone, doing the routine as following our local time, or we actually have quite a good head-start here. Well, I’d prefer the second guess. Haha.

Naturally, I’m not a morning person. Not pre-marriage, not after marriage, not at all. But it came to a big surprise that I start my days as early as 5.30 am in the morning! As Suboh here is very early, people normally would take a nap before they start their day (office hour is the same like Malaysia). But we don’t (or actually can’t :P)

Coz to make thing smooth, we’ve to take breakfast together, apparently before the Daddy goes to work. Otherwise, I may not gonna have breakfast for the day. And we haven’t really Shoppe for groceries so there’s not much I can eat in the day. Itupun, during breakfast time havoc nya ya rabbi because of who else, Aaron Houdd lah!

Since I don’t have anyone here, so the only human being that I can talk to is of course my baby boy. And yeah, talking to a 19 months old, so you must know how it goes, how it feels huh? The whole day, we only have each other. Daddy is not in the picture because apparently we’re here because of his duty so yes, he has to work from dawn to dark. I glimpse on the time for thousands times per day and it shows that I really can’t wait to have my hubby around!

I never bore being a full time housewife. But with nobody to talk to, no connection to the outside world, I’m going nuts. Alhamdulillah Aaron Houdd is around, but still, kids don’t really understand adulthood life. So as an ordinary human being, I do need friends here. So friends, come pay me some visits, I need ya! J

Oh yeah, Aaron Houdd is my only company here, and I am a full time housewife if you may ask. It seems I've so much time here haven’t I? Yeah, so much time, and I suppose I can start writing my thesis seriously. That’s the plan.

But Aaron Houdd is as lonely as I am. He has no one else to play with, not many toys we have here. So the only attention he can demand is from whom else? The mother!

So as much as I can tell, it’s beyond imagination how Aaron is so attached to me every second. I cannot do much. I can’t even have a relaxing pooping you know? He attaches to me literally for almost every minute. Yes, literally! With susu, or without susu. This, is the biggest challenge for me here coz I have plans, I have many things to do but I just can’t. Honestly, it’s quite depressing.

And time is ticking so slowly here. That’s what I feel. Perhaps it’s due to the very limited *almost null* access I have to the outside world, and I’ve not many activity as an option. But other than that, life is quite OK here, especially for the readjustment of my spiritual behaviors. I know at some points I have to fork out more effort on my original plan, and I’m getting a wee bit frustrated for the fact that I know things are not as easy as everybody may expect. But at least, for the spiritual behavior, I am enjoying the flow, inshaAllah, even for most of the time, Aaron Houdd is pocking my eyes, pulling my telekung and doing various sorts of things to me during my solah, but that is fine to me.

Oh, I think this is too much already for the comeback. I hope to drop here again some other time.

P/S: Aaron Houdd has started calling his every day people around him. I think he misses them so much. That makes me weep!

Xiet Enigma

21/10/11-Approx on the 3rd days here

(I am in the bathroom, teman Aaron mandi masa nak post entry ni.Huh,pathetic!)

What's in your bag honey?

Pavillion, KL.

Hi ladies,
Nothing much to say today...
Except for about some rampant feelings I always have when Aaron Houdd is not around- like rindu, rindu and more rindu..Oh and also the sad feeling of not having him around. Tsk...Tsk... Well, it's actually more than just that, and it depends on situation :P

And those great and irresistible feelings come easier when the recollection of Aaron Houdd is (almost) everywhere.

Like when I'm home alone, and I see the whole house is upside down, a special touch made by the only one boy in this house, I sense him.

Like when I'm in the car, glancing at the back seat and spot upon his cars and jumbo jet, I sense him.

Like when I often find any of his belongings- toys, books and some pieces of eaten yet unfinished biscuits tucked in my handbag, I sense him. And I've to bring them along the whole day. Without him, but with the effects of him. That, makes me miss him even more!

Oh yes I'm no a girlish girl. Or maybe, actually not a decent proper one. I don't really have a package of make-up in my handbag. And oh yeah I'm a mess. :P

Family Planning

Mine & his...

This is the first post for the new label - Family Planning.

Dah lama sangat nak buat entry2 tentang family planning, tapi asyik tertangguh. Alhamdulillah harini I start juga buat entri tentang ni... Dalam otak ada a few drafts already nak cerita tentang family planning ni, plus cerita tentang lactation pun ada 1-2 cerita juga. Dok draft dalam kepala je, entah bilanya nak dimuntahkan di belog. Hehe... InshaAllah, satu2 I try ye...

OK. As a start, I taknak cerita pasal facts and figure dulu la. Itu inshaAllah menyusul kemudian (ada 1 draft dah siap tapi I rasa better hold dulu sebab maybe flow tak berapa sesuai)...

So today's story is about family planning, in general. Let's start with our own story about family planning...

My hubby and I, we talked about family planning since our engagement period. Masa dah dekat2 nak kahwin (ye la tunang pun 6 bulan je), we talk about our future plan - where are we going to stay, our future career, our target, financial sources and rough budget, and family planning....

I think the best time to sit down and discuss about this seriously is when you want to get marry. Or at least 'plan' to get marry...

Masa my hubby and I nak kawen dulu, one of the topic yang we discussed is about conceiving. Not precisely, but enough to achieve understanding in both parties. Alhamdulillah, masa tu both of us agreed that kalau boleh for the first baby tu we don't need to be very strict. Kita tak payah planning, kalau ada rezeki tu Alhamdulillah. But both of us agreed kalau boleh biarlah ada jarak masa sikit, don't too soon as after nikah terus pregnant. Coz we both think it's best for us to have some times together, berdua sahaja... Hehehe... Biarlah rileks dulu, adapt dulu cara hidup berpasangan... Kebetulan, my hubby pun anak sulong and dia adalah the backbone of the family, so u know what I mean rite? banyak benda kena involve dlm family, especially financial and time...

Alhamdulillah, Allah gave us 2 years of honeymoon. And the 3rd year of marriage, Aaron Houdd pun hadir dalam hidup kami. Memang timing yang sangat perfect for us. Kami tak buat 'family planning' pada waktu tu, tapi Allah yang plan semua itu untuk kami...

Tapi lepas lahirnya Aaron Houdd, we'd agreed to do a serious family planning....

Bagi kami, untuk merancang sebuah keluarga bukan hanya mengambil kira syarat sah (halal) iaitu akad nikah. it's far beyond that... Sebuah keluarga yang bahagia terbentuk daripada persekitaran dalaman dan luaran yang baik. Untuk membentuk sebuah keluarga yang bahagia, perancangan adalah penting....

Perancangan tu pulak semestinya bersangkut paut antara satu isu dengan yang lain. Bila cakap tentang anak, perlu cakap tentang budget, perlu cakap tentang career, perlu cakap tentang masa, dan banyak lagi....

Contoh yang senang nampak la eh, my hubby propose I untuk kawen awal, because of a few reasons. One of it sebab dia cakap tak elok bercinta tanpa ikatan yang sah. Tu ayat standard la kan, keluar pun dari mulut ustaz. Hehehe... But another reason is bila ambil kira faktor masa, dia cakap kahwin muda ni bagus. Sebab besok bila dah tua, anak dah besar2. Tak la dekat nak pencen pun masih ada anak sekolah lagi. 

Dia bagi I contoh time frame, kalau kawen time tu (23 tahun), katalah masing2 agree nak maksimum 4-5 orang anak. Kalau katalah sihat wal'afiat, takde apa2 masalah, kira baik sangat la by middle of umur 30-an tu dah 'bersara' daripada mengandung... Tu pun bila fikir kalau boleh taknak terus pregnant right after nikah. Nak bagi ample time dulu untuk honeymoon, and ambil kira jugak jarak antara anak yang just nice. So kalau plan dengan baik (of course with usaha yang sesuai and doa), taklah semuanya tergesa2, takla kawen2 terus rush nak ada baby and stress kalau tak pregnant2, and ada masa untuk dating berdua dulu...

Ambil faktor kesihatan pun, umur 38 tahun ke atas dah high risk of miscarriage, problematic pregnancy and down syndrome baby. And lebih lanjut usia, rate of recovery pun lebih rendah. Kalau dah tua2 nak bersalin, ish... kesian. Tu kata my hubby la...

Bercakap pulak pasal financial, kami berdua dah agreed awal2 yang bila dah kahwen, memang patutlah segala urusan kewangan tu kami pandai2 tanggung sendiri. Susah senang bersama. Tak mahu bergantung kepada family dan mahu berusaha atas kaki sendiri. 

Alhamdulillah my hubby started his career after 2 weeks of his official final exam (Nov 2006). Memang gila, time orang study week, dia sibuk attend interview. Kami bertunang selepas lebih kurang 2 bulan habis belajar (Jan 2007), nikah 6 bulan kemudiannya, dan bersanding 4 bulan selepas bernikah. Kesimpulannya, time reception tu my hubby baru setahun bekerja and I baru 6 bulan bekerja. 

Alhamdulillah, sepanjang proses menjadi suami isteri, walaupun duit simpanan tak banyak mana, tapi majlis semuanya berjalan lancar seadanya. Alhamdulillah tak perlu berhutang dengan bank, tak perlu pinjam duit parents, tak perlu pun menyusahkan parents.... 

Dan atas kesedaran 'tak kaya' mana, sebab tu penting sangat family planing ni. Post marriage adalah part paling banyak pakai duit sebenarnya. Kalau pregnant, nak lahirkan anak pun memerlukan duit. Kalau kena c-zer, belanja lebih besar. Dek kerana hubby kalau boleh nak wife dia bersalin dengan baik di tempat yang baik, so kenalah fork out money for that. Bukan tak boleh kalau nak bersalin kat gomen hospital je. OK je. Tapi my hubby ada personal reasons sendiri nak wife dia bersalin di established private hosp. So duit lagi...

Itu cerita melahirkan anak. Habis bila anak dah lahir? Makan pakai, education, macam2 lagi lah... semua tu perlu duit. Zaman sekarang ni takde benda yang free. Education pun mahal. Belum kira nak bayar nanny, maid atau nursery. Oh, betapa duit mengalir seperti air terjun yang tinggi...

Bercakap pulak pasal hubungan suami isteri. Seriously, 2 tahun pertama perkahwinan adalah masa yang amat puas bagi kami berdua2 an mengenali hati budi dan paling penting, berusaha untuk memperbaiki diri dan mempersiapkan diri untuk menjadi parents yang terbaik (still learning, a lot!). Alhamdulillah, bila orang tanya2 bila nak pregnant, I tak lah stress mana pun dulu. My daddy yang stress lebih sebab mengidam cucu. Haha! 

Tapi life after ada anak memang berbeza. Nak makan selalunya kena take turn, nak dating lama2 berdua pun dah fikir anak kat rumah. Nak honeymoon lama2 tak bawak anak pun end up menangis nak balik terkenang anak kat rumah so buang duit je tak enjoy. Nak jumpa kawan2, shopping and apa2 pun nak kena ikut schedule anak sebab kalau tak nanti mula lah meragam sepanjang hari. Nak tidur berdua pun, eh tiba2 ada kepala kat tengah2. Hehehe.... Pendek kata memang berbeza! So benda2 macamni, kenalah mentally prepared, unless you memang nak jadi parents yang tak kisah sangat, main belasah je nak didik anak macamne and suka marah2 anak sebab stress dengan kerenah anak. Takpun ambil je maid dan biar maid setle anak you. I agak baran tapi taknak jadi macamtu and I nak didik anak sendiri, sebabtu I rasa I perlukan masa.

Ada kawan pernah cakap, tak baik plan lama2, nanti Allah tak bagi langsung baru tahu. For me, benda ni is individual. Planing tu bukan bermaksud tak nak langsung. Setiap dari kita ada sebab2 tersendiri. Contohnya I, lepas Aaron memang kena planning secara serius sebab nak setle labwork cepat. I pregnant mabuk teruk. And dealing with chemicals pun ye. My hubby pun tengah stabilize career, selalu takde kat rumah. And I nak bagi 100% perhatian dekat Aaron sahaja. Sekarang labwork dah nak siap, Aaron pun dah besar sikit, I pun dah stop ambik pil. Kira dah tak kisah untuk conceive lagi untuk 3-4 bulan akan datang... Cuma untuk sebulan dua sejak puasa hari tu je I sibuk lebih sikit so tak berani conceive sebab takut tak dapat jaga baby and Aaron betul2.

For me, anak tu satu anugerah, dan amanah. Kalau you hebat buat anak, not necessarily you hebat di dalam mendidik anak. And apa2 pun, Allah knows best for us. Kalau Allah memang tak nak bagi langsung, mesti ada sebab lain, or maybe itu dugaan buat kita suami isteri. I sampai sekarang sometimes senyum sorang2 and geleng2 kepala sorang2 sebab tak percaya I dah ada seorang anak! Haha (And sekarang I buat yang sama. Hehe) 

I just can't imagine macam manalah kalau kami tak planning. Muda2 dah kawin, perangai pun masih ting tong, financial pun masih tengah nak stabilize, than anak setahun satu... Aduh, macam ne la I agaknya ye? :P. I rasa kalau orang yang kahwin agak lewat and career pun dah agak stabil, perangai pun dah boleh jadi mak orang, maybe tak planning pun takpe. Tapi untuk kami memang perlu disebabkan perkara2 yang diceritakan di atas.

Sorry, no offense to those yang anak rapat2. Honestly I respect kalau orang yang boleh survive dengan normal bila anak rapat2. Sebab I memang tak mampu...I memang selalu rasa kagum dengan those yang ada anak ramai dan dekat2, even I tak tau personal life mereka tu just nice or lintang pukang  sebenarnya. I just kagum and respect!

Bagi I, anak itu adalah amanah dari Allah. Jadi untuk menyediakan yang terbaik buat anak adalah satu tanggungjawab juga. Untuk diri I, I tak perlukan hidup yang mewah and senang, cukuplah hidup yang bersederhana, yang tak sampai berlebih-an tetapi tidak pula sampai merungut kesusahan... Supaya anak I tak terasa yang dirinya satu bebanan dalam hidup ummi nya, supaya my hubby tak rasa yang I ni isteri yang tak ikhlas, supaya I sendiri rasa sentiasa bahagia dan cukup dengan apa sahaja yang Allah kurniakan....