Dyslexia

dys·lex·i·a

dəsˈleksēə/

noun

1. a general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence - (Source from Google).

To understand a bit more about dyslexia, please click here for a simple and precise explanation.

So what's up with dyslexia?

Al-kisah, ada lah seorang emak tu, tak tahu lah apa masalah dia, tiba-tiba dia datang dengan satu teori konspirasi yang menyalahkan genetik sebagai punca anak dia tak reti membaca lagi pada usia 6 tahun. Iya, 6 tahun, bukan 16 tahun ye.

Come on Ummi, he's just 6. What is your expectation?

Well, well, of course I have expectations. At his age now, I want my son to be excellent in reading, spelling, and maybe he can even be an orator like his dad. I want my son to be able to write neatly, even in cursive handwriting. I want him to understand the Quran, memorize it and be able to speak fluent Arabic. Is that so hard to ask for?

DELUSIONAL! You might as well want your son to be the youngest mufti or a prime minister!

No lahhhh...

Honestly I am fine with Aaron not being able to read yet. Really. Well, not that he doesn't know how to read at all. He can read and spell simple short words. He's not that 'bad', you know. I give him time and chance to make it slow and steady. But of course it would be easier if he's known how to read and spell so that we don't have to struggle so much during homework time. We don't have to take a lot of time and annoy each other to get things done (seriously, it can be soooo stressful!) And I am sure once he knows how to read, he would not hate homework this much! (me too!)

What makes me concern (being a freak if you want to judge me. Fineeee) is that his inclination to get confused between letters, and often picks up letter reversal. He even writes backwards! Like how? Like this;

    uoy knahT.noraA si eman ym iH

Yes, seriously. Plus, with all the miss-spells (Hi, mi nam is Aaron, tac u) and don't forget the letter reversal. b with d, 2, 3, all terbalik, despite he has known alphabet by heart since he was like 19 -20 months old!

Yes he has that special power, I should be proud!

What, you can read what he wrote too?

Congratulations, you also have that special power. You should be proud too! (^,^)

And as much as we do the reading revision, he's still struggling to memorize common words like 'the, this, my, from'

Last week's homework. Yes I helped, in case you're wondering xD

So you are saying that your son is dyslexic?
No. I am just... you know, worried. I am worried if I just ignore, being denial without in a second have the thought that he might be one, and I just don't do anything about it. Or at least look at this in a different perspective.

I am worried if all this while, deep inside my dark side, silently accusing him of being lazy, don't want to try harder and urrmmm, being lazy, especially when I was angry at him during homework time, is me, being way wide of the mark!

I am concerned, because I want the best for my kids. Dyslexic is NOT a disease. It isn't a situation where your kids will not know how to read for the rest of their life. Dyslexic people can be as successful as non-dyslexic. Most of them behave and act normally, just like anybody else (unless maybe they have other issues).

The only thing about dyslexic is that, they are special, unique and they need some strategies or approach to help them go through the challenges that they face. And that is WHY it is important to be alert, so you come up with help, with strategies, so that you don't accuse your child of being lazy, and so that you can stay calm because you knew the fact that your child digests and processes things differently. THAT. that's my point. (Here I am, justifying my worrywart syndrome, as what my husband said. Grrrr)

But Alhamdulillah, after some thorough readings and consultations from my fellow doctors, as well as looking at other signs (like he's able to read simple Arabic since he was 6), I learned that this confuse thingy is normal at his age. I don't need to worry so much, but still have to monitor, because if he is still like this even long after his 7th birthday, than maybe he needs to be taken seriously.

Man I am just an ordinary human being who has experienced motherhood for 6 years, but still sometimes being so naive about what motherhood is all about.

If you ask me, honestly, I have a dream that my kids are fast learners, that they can read as early as 5 or 6, just like I did. And that they can spell and write and read Quran slowly, if not properly yet. Eh, macam expectation kat atas tu je. Sah, perempuan ni delusional!

But I don't compare my kids with others (except for just to ask whether it is normal at his age to have such issues). I know some kids his age have already self-read, memorize Juz 'Amma and maybe even good at simple arithmetic, congratulations to their parents!

Each of our kids is unique and we all have our own methods of parenting, and most importantly we have our own hurdles in raising our own kids. By saying this, I am reminding my self to not trying to compare my kids even among themselves, so much so to not compare them with others (we know the fact that in reality, yes sometimes we incline to compare, or anticipate our kids to be like some kids who seem more successful or more outstanding)

As for Aaron,
I love you for who you are my dearly son. You have your own strengths especially in speaking and inventing/building stuffs. You are indeed an adorable son and brother, mashaAllah! (though sometimes garang amat, macam siapa? errrr. haha)

Aaron Houdd, 2015

I realize one of the hikmah (that I can think of) for facing this phase is that, Alhamdulillah, it's like I am being reminded constantly that "You can try your best, but remember, you don't have control over certain things in life, because everything, including our abilities and disabilities, is in Allah's hand.

I am being tested with my act towards kindness, compassion, and most importantly my patience.

And indeed, compassion eliminates prejudice.

So in conclusion, if you are in the same boat with me, or if you have a dyslexic child, let us pat ourselves on the back for our endurance on facing the challenges, and let us make du'a so that Allah facilitates our children's journey in seeking knowledge.

{An awareness towards Dyslexia}
http://www.driveryouthtrust.com/promoting-dyslexia-awareness/

Aaron: To stay or to change?

Of all the interesting stories to share, and all the happy moments to cherish, I have to apologize to you (whoever is reading this), and my memory (first and foremost) - I am so sorry that I've suddenly chosen to bookmark this. And this is a rather long-winded post as I am expressing my worrisome here. Please leave as soon as you think this is going nowhere. And this time, no silly jokes in the middle (like I ever know how to crack a joke, heh). This is just seriously, serious adult stuff... Err. not that 18SX stuff OK *.^

Of my concern towards my son's education. (Bored already, haha. Bye bye. See you next time)

OK. lets go to some boring history. When Aaron was in Kindergarten year (KG), we were happy with his school and the system in general. Aaron had good exposure in both English and Arabic because in KG years, the system goes by swapping Eng-Arabic class in alternate days. During English-day class, they will go to their English teacher and for the whole day, they'd have English as their main medium of communication in class (with the teacher and throughout their simple routines). It also applied to Arabic-class day, except for English, Science and Math subjects. Due to mixed nationalities, the Arabic teacher will give translations whenever necessary.

First thing in the morning, they would have halaqah for Quran study, whereby the Muslim kids will be taught a few (surah) chapters from Juz' Amma, and they had to memorize them. Alhamdulillah, they passed until Surah At-Teen. They also had basic Islamic Study i.e. the pillars of Islam, a bit about hajj, akhlaq, etc (taught in Arabic, so we have to guide our kids towards the understanding of what they had learnt, but Alhamdulillah it was not so difficult)

Overall, We were satisfied with KG year. We built good rapport with Miss Fatima (her homeroom teacher) and Aaron was happy to go to school. I was not really keen on the homework concept because they were just 5 years old but I can't make big fuss about it since I think most parents think the other way around (more work and homework means more learning and that's good). Well, that's personal preference, nobody's right or wrong about it.

Honestly, we did homeschooling with him when he was younger and his achievement in terms of education didn't quite leap. He'd learnt almost the same things I already taught him, plus more, of course. BUT... I didn't teach him to read ... I was being slacker I let the school do this part HAHA. Well, if I did teach him to read in such a very early age, then he might feel bored at school... or maybe acted annoying, becoming MR. Know it all. I was saving him, man! I was doing the right thing. hahaha Annoying nyaaaa (^_____^)

Anyway... By the time he finished his KG 2 (he skipped KG 1 as it is not compulsory), he still wasn't able to read. I took it as it is, coz for me he was still small, and I know that kids develop interest (and milestone) at different pace. We're fine.

So what had he achieved than?

A lot. confidence, independence, making new friends, learning to tolerate, respect others, etc. In every parent-teacher meeting, 1st question we asked was 'How is Aaron at school. How is Aaron with his teacher and friends'. Because for us, akhlaq matters the most. Alhamdulillah he was popular among teachers for being a good kid (but also as quite a crying baby haha. apa lah hero Ummi!)

All this happiness... changed instantly when he was in Grade 1. The school starts its 'separating system' starting from Grade 1. All expat students (non-arabic speakers) were to be in the same class. (And we didn't know about this earlier!).

So, he didn't have as much exposure in Arabic anymore. Though we're not happy with it, but we understand the school's concern i.e. to make learning more convenient for both teacher and students. However, in reality, things did not go as it is. Our kids were put in an experimental phase whereby they kept changing methods and I later found out that they even have problem to find a suitable teacher for the expat students. Whatttt?! And not only that, the muslim students were expelled from Islamic Study somewhere during mid-term, with the same reason; book is in Arabic, and no suitable teacher that can teach the expat students because they are mostly not fluent in English. And of course I got this info from a teacher there (we became friend), nothing from the management. This, has made us even angrier! No wonder everytime I checked, he didn't have the book. I thought they have to keep the book at school, but then everytime I asked Aaron what did he learn, he said no IS. 

OK that was last year. I have convinced my husband to change school since then. Actually almost all International schools here have the same system i.e. Non-arabic speakers have to take Arabic for beginners, or some even have no long-term Arabic. But there are schools that don't separate the students. Nevertheless, at least no hassle like this. My husband said it is not easy to change school. Plus, something had came up last summer that had changed our big plans, including hajj and school. OK then, we give it another chance. They may have already settle this issue over the summer.

Heck we were wrong. Last 2 days we had a parent-teacher meeting and the same problems were being raised again. Not only from me, but most of the parents there! Even the Spanish mom was very upset that her son is not learning much in Arabic. She even proclaimed that her son's Arabic level is wayyy better when he was in KG. Which, I couldn't agree more!

We first asked whether we can put Aaron in an Arabic-speakig class. Most of the students can speak English very well so I don't see any problem for Aaron to communicate with his friends. And apparently these classes have no problem with their Arabic teachers. I also want him to learn Islamic Study. Yes it would be a big challenge for me to explain to him again to ensure he get the right info but I don't mind at all... But it seems impossible to them, because if not they had already done this last year (We've been asked since Grade 1). 

So. yeah, putting him into Arabic-speaking class is our Plan B. We discussed this with Aaron. Last year, he was OK to change class. But this year, he declined. I understand why. He's already comfortable with his circle of friends. They've been together since last year. Now this is another battle to tackle. Our kid's psychology vs. his best interest. 

But than, what other choices left? change school? Hmmm...

We are quite happy with the other subjects. The homeroom teacher is OK (so far). Aaron is happy to go to school. And we still have to wait until next year (at least next term) due to financial agreement. So hmmmmm..... But husband is thinking about changing school right now. What do you think?

What's so big about learning Arabic and Islamic Study? It is just personal preference with reasons we have in mind. And this school isn't cheap man, they made us pay for it. And we are in a right place to learn Arabic first-hand. So why not? Plus if in the future we have to change country or school, if his level isn't at par with the requirement for that particular Grade, than that would be another problem. 

Really, I am so disturbed by this. And there is reason why I'm writing this here..... Because. Because it is easier to express feeling to nobody and I am tired of acting like a whimper to anyone around me. I don't feel good about it. And sorry again if I have ever made you feel intrigued to read this until the end. Told ya you can leave if you want, but you still want to finish reading? Wow, you must be very patient! *,*

So till then, thank you for reading. May Allah bless you

A Little conversation about almost everything!

Dear Aaron,

The urge of keeping this as part of your childhood memory is compelling and I think this is quite good since we don't really have close conversation between just the two of us since the day you arrived from your Spring holiday in Malaysia (alone).

I always believe that 'talking' is part of your strength. After all, your name is chosen after the name of Prophet Haroon, the one that was known for his oratory skill! (^______^)

I love to have conversations with you because I love the way you ask questions and trying to understand the whole topic. I don't mind scratching head to answer your tricky-yet-honest questions because I know you will eventually get the point and I always satisfy with the way you comprehend to my explanation. Alhamdulillah.

Like tonight. you couldn't sleep despite the tiring 3-days and nights full of activities. Hence, our bedtime routine became a little too long as we went into (seems to me like) a very serious, never ending conversation.

Aaron: Ummi, I can't sleep coz I am afraid.

Ummi: Remember, we should not be afraid except only to Allah

Aaron: Yes, Allah and Shaitan

Ummi: You should not be afraid of shaitan. Shaitan is just one of Allah's creation like you, me, Hawwa, trees, ocean, etc. So why do you afraid of shaitan?

Aaron: Because shaitan is strong too

Ummi: No it is not. Allah is the strongest. And you know, you are even stronger than shaitan....

Aaron: (interjected before I finish) I know I know. I can fight shaitan! Erm.... How? I forgot... Oh yes... I have to pray!

Ummi: Yes, and memorize the quran. That's why you have to read quran and memorize the surah. 

Aaron: But why shaitan afraid when I pray? he will go far away right?

Ummi: Because shaitan doesn't like when you pray to Allah and do what Allah asks you to do. Inshaa Allah, if you pray to Allah, Allah will protect you from shaitan.

Aaron: Ummi, Allah creates shaitan?

(Ummi nod)

Aaron: Us too?

(Nodding again)

Aaron: When did Allah create us? When we're born?

Ummi: Actually, Allah created you when you were inside your mother's womb

Aaron: Worm? is it good worm or bad worm?

(I think he got confused he thought I meant worm)

Ummi: It's not worm like the one that eat your teeth when you don't brush your teeth (haha I got him scared by saying cavity is worm to get him brush his teeth when he was smaller. I'll correct that later on)

Ummi: Its W.O.M.B its a sac. You know sac?

(Aaron shook his head)

Ummi: It's like a bag where baby stays there when he's inside his mom's belly

Aaron: I was there too when I was a tiny baby? Why baby stays there first?

Ummi: Because at that time baby was soooo small. he cannot feed himself, cannot move... He needs his mother's help to grow. Only when he's ready to live in the world, then Allah makes him out

Aaron: How does baby go out from the womb?

Ummi: Allah will make a way for it. There will be a tunnel and a hole to let the baby out.

Aaron: It comes out from the butt right? (I think I shouldn't say hole to make thing less complicated haha)

Ummi: Not butt

Aaron: Then? 

I was about to say it but I didn't hahaha.

Ummi: Somewhere close to butt but not butt

Aaron: I can't see it right?

Ummi: Yeah

Aaron: Why?

Ummi: It is not important for you to see it now. 

(But Aaron knew sometimes baby can't come out through the tunnel so the doctor has to cut the mom's belly to let the baby out. Just like his case)

Aaron: Errmmm....But I can't see Allah too? How is Allah looks like?

Ummi: I don't know how is Allah looks like. I can't see Allah too. 

Aaron: But you said we can see Allah after we die and after we alive again right?

Ummi: Yes. You want to see Allah?

Aaron: Yeah yeah!!

Ummi: Then you have to do good and be good. Only good people can see Allah in the heaven

Aaron: But then, where is Allah now?

Ummi: Allah has His own place

Aaron: Is Allah in the outer space?

Ummi: Erm... not really. (I was hesitate to answer this)

Aaron: Oh is Allah outside the earth?

Ummi: Yes. OK the most important thing is, if you want to see Allah, you must be a good boy OK?

Aaron: OK Ummi.

The conversation didn't stop here. There was some discussions about how when you use your brain you'll become clever and vice versa but I think it's going to be too long.

I don't know how on earth a 6 years old boy can bombard questions non-stop. He didn't even pause long from one question to another. Well I guess, because he's a kid hence he is still full of wonder. I bet most of us (moms and dads) have been in this situation right? They want to know everything so instantly as if they are going to sit for an exam!

Oh Allah please bestow us with wisdom and patience in raising our children. Ameen!

Parenting Tips: Lesson from Surah Yusuff by Sheikh Sajid Umar (Part 2)

So this is the continuation of Parenting Tips: Lesson from Surah Yusuff (part 1)

#5. 3rd TIP from Surah Yusuf, 12:5: Teach your kids about tauhid

وَكَذٰلِكَ يَجتَبيكَ رَبُّكَ وَيُعَلِّمُكَ مِن تَأويلِ الأَحاديثِ وَيُتِمُّ نِعمَتَهُ عَلَيكَ وَعَلىٰ آلِ يَعقوبَ كَما أَتَمَّها عَلىٰ أَبَوَيكَ مِن قَبلُ إِبراهيمَ وَإِسحاقَ ۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ عَليمٌ حَكيمٌ

That is how your Lord will choose you, and teach you the interpretation of dreams,1 and complete His blessing upon you and upon the house of Jacob, just as He completed it earlier for your fathers, Abraham and Isaac. Your Lord is indeed all-knowing, all-wise.’

OK. Do you remember the life story of Prophet Yusuff from the day he received the dream until the day he was being reunited with his father and brothers? 

Do you remember the obstacles that Yusuf (AS) had to endure along his prophet-hood journey? 

Please read the translation of Surah Yusuff so that you will understand how is these 3 ayaahs (12: 4 - 6) relate to the whole surah, and relate to the best fundamental parenting tips we can benefit from, inshaa Allah.

In the meantime (to not make this post look unfinished, hehe) lets review the significance of this ayah.

إِنَّ رَبَّكَ عَليمٌ حَكيمٌ

Your Lord is indeed all-knowing, all-wise.’

This is the ayat about TAUHID, about Allah, the ayat that Prophet Ya'qub taught his son, the ayat that had built faith in Yusuff.

Short and simple word, BIG impact!

Yusuff was a small boy when he was abducted from his father. Now, imagine our small child at the age of 5, 6 or maybe 7. Imagine if someone kidnapped him/her, or bring him/her away from us. Nauzubillah min zalik. Yes, even to imagine, we simply can't!

But this is what had happened to Yusuff (AS)! 

But Yusuf had a proactive father that gave him wisdom even from a young age. Because of that,  by Allah's will, Yusuff survived the tests.

When he was all alone, in a dark, at the place where he thought nobody would know he was there, indeed. Allah knows! He is all-wise!

Then he was brought away from his country, a foreign land to him. He must had been scared, and his father didn't know where he was, how he was, and he was all alone, but no, he wasn't alone, for Allah was with him, and Allah is all-knowing!

When he was tested with an attempt of adultery, where nobody was around but only him and a woman who was willing to surrender everything for him, while he was a young man with desire, he chose to ran away. Indeed, he knew, Allah is all-knowing. Allah is 'Alim, Allah is Hakeem!

And then when he was imprisoned while he was innocent, yet nobody helped him and stood up for him. Did he feel despair and hopeless? Indeed, he knew that Allah knows, Allah is 'Alim, Allah is Hakeem!

Allahuakbar!

This, many audience broke into tears! 

Allah is so close to Yusuf's heart. He has strong faith in Allah.

And who taught him that? His father.

When? when he was just a small kid!

And what about us?

If we think our kids are still small to understand, and we don't make an effort to even try, how can we sure that when our kids are in their teen age; the age full of wonder, desire, and bravery, they are capable of restraining themselves from the tests? How can they have Allah in their heart?!

Yes, for some reasons the western researchers say that young kids should not be burden with too much info, heavy info, etc. (I just read about this a few days ago mashaAllah!). But what this surah teaches us is to not rebuke our kids' intellect. They are born in fitrah, and they can understand knowledge about tauhid. (Of course this is a story about two prophets, one as a father and another one as his son, and of course we can never be at par with them. But that is not the point. We just need to try and re-try. Make effort)

#6. The teaching of kind heart and forgiveness.

During the end of the story, Yusuff was reunited with his brothers and father. At that time, he was a minister in Egypt, his brothers came to him for protection. What did Yusuff do? 

Despite what they did to him around 50 years or so ago, he forgave them!

Yes, Yusuff forgave the men that abducted him and separated him from his beloved father and brother (Bunyamin).

Surah Yusuff, verse number 100. Yusuff (AS) said that Satan induced his brothers. He forgave his brothers, because he knew his brothers were under the influence of satan. He blame the satan.

Subhanallah!

Remember we talk earlier about effective communication?

Prophet Ya'qub told Yusuff about not telling his brothers about his dream because he afraid his sons will get jealous (under the influence of satan)

Now... even after 50 years, Yusuff (AS) still remember the teachings of his father.

Most of us remember Yusuff as a handsome man. That is what we've been taught since small. But little that we aware that he is not just a good looking man, but also a man with good heart. 

He held no grunge against his brothers, and other people that cause trouble in his life.
{So after this, please don't just tell story about Yusuf, the handsome prophet, was seduced by a woman. Tell the story until finish. There is more to learn about the life of Yusuff (AS)}

#7. Our children are our assets in the hereafter.
This statement is debatable but let just be positive. Sheikh talked about the famous hadeeth about 3 deeds that benefit us even after we die; 1) Our continuous/ongoing sadaqah (donation), 2) knowledge which is beneficial, 3) The prayers from our pious children (HR Muslim).

Guide our children the Islamic way. Teach them manners, and do not be overprotective towards small things (i.e. let our kids know about responsibilities, knowledge, etc). Let them make mistakes through learning while we are around so that we can correct them. If we are too afraid to see them make mistakes through life lessons, how can we correct them when they make mistakes while we are not around anymore?

Prepare our children to be among the pious mankind, and may we have the benefit through the prayers from our pious children when we are gone.

I am so sorry I am not a good narrator. I think  for a better understanding and knowledge, you can watch Sheikh Sjid Umar's lecture on Youtube. I am sure you can benefit more knowledge first handed.

As for me, even after almost a month attending this lecture, my heart throbs when I imagine how Sheikh delivered his speech. Very powerful, and emotional. And I realize, there are a lot for us (my husband and I) to improve.

May Allah give us wisdom to raise our children, and may we have sabr with us all the time :)

Parenting Tips: Lesson from Surah Yusuff, by Sheikh Sajid Umar (part 1)

Please feel tempted at this entry's tittle, because someone is trying to be an ustazah and start giving a lengthy lecture about parenting, please please! (Jerk. Haha). 

OK. For those who have no idea who this Sheikh is, you can read here. Basically, he is one of the Islamic speakers and lecturers in Al Kauthar Institute, an activist in Da'wah. Try to listen to one of his lecture in sha Allah you'll fall in love with the messages.

So a few weeks ago, he came to Oman and Alhamdulillah he was given a slot about Lessons from Surah Yusuf. I promised myself to share what I got with my husband, since he decided to take care of the kids while I was attending the lecture so that I can have full focus on the lecture. Barakallahu feek ya habibi, even I know this is one of your favorite sheikh. I consider that as my 'compulsory time-off' (which in sha Allah I'll write about this next time). And why I end up writing here is because my husband gives me a task to share this in public. I feel guilty to not accept his task considering his effort and sacrifice.... So please bare with this lengthy post and may we all benefit something from this. Ameennnn. 

#1. Sheikh started his lecture with the encouragement of attending 'majlis ilmu' (gathering for the remembrance of Allah). He recited a very powerful hadith from Sahih Muslim  as an eye (and heart) opener to motivate us all to keep busying ourselves attending this sort of gathering (or if not possible at least listen to lectures whenever we can). Note: It is the 36th hadith from the 40 hadeeth of Imam Nawawi - May Allah bless Xifu Nasser for his effort 10 years ago to make us memorize some hadith an easy and fun way!

Here is the hadeeth's translation:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

Whoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove from him one of the griefs of the Day of Resurrection. And whoever alleviates the need of a needy person, Allah will alleviate his needs in this world and the Hereafter. Whoever shields [or hides the misdeeds of] a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this world and the Hereafter. And Allah will aid His slave so long as he aids his brother. And whoever follows a path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise. No people gather together in one of the Houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it among themselves, except that sakeenah (tranquility) descends upon them, and mercy envelops them, and the angels surround them, and Allah mentions them amongst those who are with Him. And whoever is slowed down by his actions, will not be hastened forward by his lineage.

[Muslim]

#2. Parenting starts before marriage! 

- Seek knowledge as much as we can, even when we are still single. 

- But it is never too late to start good parenting, and in fact, we have to always improve our parenting skills.

** Sheikh suggested us to have a thinking day!

 -i.e. A moment where we muhasabah ourselves so that we can keep ourselves in track, re-think, re-do and re-correct things that we have regretted along the journey. 

#3. 1st TIP from Surah Yusuf, 12: 4 - Intimate relationship between a father and his child 

إِذ قالَ يوسُفُ لِأَبيهِ يا أَبَتِ إِنّي رَأَيتُ أَحَدَ عَشَرَ كَوكَبًا وَالشَّمسَ وَالقَمَرَ رَأَيتُهُم لي ساجِدينَ

When Joseph said to his father, ‘Father! I saw eleven planets,1 and the sun and the moon: I saw them prostrating themselves before me.’

Allah doesn't start this story with 'Once upon a time'. Instead, He starts with this ayah above. A very straight forward story about a boy who always refer to his father whenever he's in dilemma: A boy who trusts his father and prefers his father more than anyone else!

Instead of going to his 11 brothers, or his peers similar his age, Yusuff (AS) went straight to his father after he got a very confusing dream. This shows how intimate this father-child relationship is. 

BE A GOOD FATHER AND INVOLVE IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE!

COME WHAT MAY, YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S HERO...

In this life, we have 2 roles, 

(1) mandatory role - Being a child, parent, mom, dad, etc

(2) elective role - us as a career person (doctor, cook, banker, teacher, etc), voluntary work, etc.

-DO NOT let your elective role overshadowing your mandatory role!

-You are the best teacher to your children.  Sheikh reminded us to NOT pass on our responsibility to others. Don't  just rely on school, society, strangers to be your kids' teacher.  

Children learn from us, parents. So set up good examples for them to follow.

For instance, in this ayah, Yusuf (AS) called his father يا ابت, which means my dearest dad (some technical arabic nahu/grammar with the ت behind the اب that indicates the softest, most honorable tittle). Because, when we read the next ayah, Prophet Ya'qub calls his son with the softest call, يا بنى (my dearest son). 

Respect and trust are earned. We want our children to respect us, we have to first show how respect is. And trough a fond relationship, inshaa Allah trust is earned too. 

#4. 2nd TIP from Surah Yusuf, 12:5 - Effective communication and respect your child's intelligence

قالَ يا بُنَيَّ لا تَقصُص رُؤياكَ عَلىٰ إِخوَتِكَ فَيَكيدوا لَكَ كَيدًا ۖ إِنَّ الشَّيطانَ لِلإِنسانِ عَدُوٌّ مُبينٌ

He said, ‘My son, do not recount your dream to your brothers, lest they should devise schemes against you. Satan is indeed man’s manifest enemy.

Prophet Yusuf (AS) was a small child (less than 7 yrs old according to mufassirin) when he had that dream. But prophet Ya'qub (AS) addressed the matter in a proper way albeit dealing with just a small boy. He kept his son informed with the right information in an effective way, even for the heavy topics e.g. about SATAN. You know why? 

Because Prophet Ya'qub didn't know how much time he had to be with his child. 

So do us. We are unsure of how much time we have with our children, right?! Why not start now. Teach our kids about Allah, tauhid, shaitan, shirk, etc.

We want to wait for the right timing but when is the right timing? Are we sure we have the future to give guidance to our children?

So perhaps, instead of waiting for the right timing, why don't we make the timing right. How? 

by effective communication!

We surely can learn effective communication from this ayah, mashaAllah! 

-to give command --> to explain --> to guide

Lets look into this ayah. First, Prophet Ya'qub commanded his son (do not tell your dream to your brothers). Then, he explained to his son the reason of his command (they will make plan against you). Next, he gave guidance to his son (shaitan is indeed man's manifest enemy). Our common mistake is, we tend to give order (command) but we don't explain, never mind to give guidance. 

HOW EFFECTIVE is his teaching?

Ahhaaa.... please read the 2nd part of this topic.
(I separate into 2 parts so that it doesn't look too long)

Sharing is caring :)

Oooo who's head and fingers? :P

Assalamu'alaikum dear mommies! or mommies to b :)

Today I'd like to SHARE about SHARING. Yelah, sharing is caring kan? :)

Do you notice how your children will react when they are asked to share whatever they have in their hands? say, maybe their food, toys, or even adik? Hehe...

This is what normally comes from my son:

"Aaron Houdd, can I have some --------?"

"Cannot. It's mine!"

"Ok. Can we share?"

"Cannot! / I don't want!"

Or if its food, he'll sometimes reply like this:

"Cannot. I'm hungry!"

Oh boy!.

At first I was so worried. Then, I found an article about this from babycentre. It's actually quite normal for a kid his age, especially if he has strong character and background of high potency of being dominant (first or only child, taken care by close relatives, etc).

But as parents, we surely don't want this attitude to prolong until they turn older. right? Of course we want them to be generous and concern about others too. 

So here are some tips that may help in educating our children to be more generous. InshaAllah :)

1. Solat Jamaah - how is solat jamaah related to this topic? Oh its actually one of the best tool to educate our children to have more sensitivity towards others. As solat jemaah gives a lot of tremendous impact in our life, it also be able to teach our children about unity and responsibility. There's vast difference between a family who practice solat jemaah and a family who is not. If solat jemaah becomes one of family compulsory event, the family normally has no hurdle eating together, communicating and sharing other things as well.

2.  Eating together - Let's make a simple rule in the house. Nobody eats in front of the tv, or eating alone while others are home. Easy. If we eat together, we'll share the food. If the amount is little, everybody'd have small portion only, and nobody will left behind. My father always reminds us that if we want to spare food for someone, make sure we apportion the food before dining time, not spare it as if it's a leftover from anybody else. Eating together is also the best way to create good communication environment.

3. Sharing is OK. Nobody will lose - As parents, we have to always remind our kids that it's OK to share something that we have with someone else. A 2 year old kid might not understand about this, but surely he'll get the point later on. But make sure we- as parents or adults, have to initiate this routine. Remember, kids learn faster from observation! It's very contradicting if we ask our kids to share but we show to them the opposite attitude- e.g., eat snack in front of the tv alone, without even invite others to have it some. Or simply have our meal alone while our spouse/mom/sister is doing chores or reading newspaper.   

When I was small, I was taken care by my aunt (my dad's sister) with my 2 other siblings, 2 other cousins and her 5 kids. It was a big number right? Like a nursery! But my aunt is the best care taker ever! She'd taught us a lot of things, including SHARING. She is a perfectionist. Every time she cooks, she'd make an even portion to everyone - us, and her own kids. If she fried paratha or even cekodok and her kids got 3 pieces, the rest would get the same amount. Nobody would go to the kitchen and had the meal first. Everybody'd have his/her own portion and eat together. If someone got back from school and brought back a sweet, she'd divide into how many of us. If it wasn't enough for all of us, she'd take it and said that it's not enough for everyone so it's more appropriate if she took it and ate it. And we'd all agree. Hehe... 

I was also taught to always remember my other siblings when I want to buy some 'jajan' etc. If I had it just for myself, I had to finish it before I reach home. And don't mention about it. If not, then I'd to share with the other siblings. We used to live in a big family (our neighbors were our cousins) and some of us not so wealthy. It was not nice to brag about something we had but others just had to listen with -maybe- frustration or hope. Remember, kids way of thinking and priority is different.

Up till now (i'm old enough for this... I guess.hehe), if we want to celebrate birthday, or having our favorite chocolates, we would wait until everybody is around, or at least (like the chocolates) divide it evenly so that everybody will get the same amount and taste each flavor. Hahaha.... Somehow we enjoy doing it (gadoh2 main2 siapa banyak siapa sikit padahal dah bagi sama rata. And boleh tukar atas dasar suka sama suka.)

4. Sharing responsibility - By educating our children the true meaning of sharing, we are also teaching them to be more helpful. We can start teaching them by doing small chores together, or at least to tidy up their own belongings. If they make the mess, it's better if we ask them to help us clean up the mess-together. We can't expect kids to be fully responsible for what they have done, and so it's better to lead the cleaning process with them rather than just nag to them, hoping that they will do it by themselves. We can also ask them simple question like "Would you like to help me setting up the table?" or "Do you mind helping me hang the sejadah please?"... We can also encourage them to be responsible by throwing their own dirty diaper or trash into the dustbin, and keep their own shoes in the shoe cabinet. Don't forget to praise them and say THANK YOU and never ever redo the chores they've done helping you. If you really can't stand looking at the improper clothes they've helped you fold, redo it later when they're not around. And remember, they can't do it as perfect as us adult, but the main point is not to reach perfection. So don't complaint their work. They'll feel unappreciated.

5. Donate - I used to join comparative religion study back in university time. I'd the chance to join Christianity 'usrah', their mass event, and other important events too. I love being in the church. Everyone was treated as family. And you know what, the church was so lively every time they had an event. One thing I notice about the Christians, they encourage their kids to donate to the church from an early age. From what I'd noticed, the parents will give each of the kids certain amount of money and each of the kids had the opportunity to donate the money to the church. 

We are not educating our children to be silly, by simply giving our belongings to other. We are teaching them to be generous. So we have to work on it with explanations and strategies.

6. Family saving box - This is interesting. Apart from educating our children to do saving in her/his personal fund, why don't we create a fund who is under everyone's responsibility, and the profit will also benefit the family members. 

We have this since I was in school age. Everyone has to invest money. We do it on monthly basis. Of course the amount is not the same. Parents and adults (who is working already, or seen as wealthy enough. hehe) have to donate bigger amount than the school kids. For example, kids below 12 yo have to invest 50 cents per month, whereas adults have to invest RM2 or RM5 per month. Log book is necessary to maintain justice, transparency, etc. The money will be spent together on something everyone is agreed upon, but some amount will be carrying forward. In case somebody need to borrow the money, he/she can borrow from the family saving box but on one strict condition, must pay back :) We'd used the money for our family vacation in 2009 and everyone was happy and felt the contribution -not only rely on dad's money. Hehe...

It's a lot more other interesting ways to educate our children about sharing. Everyone is welcome to add up and SHARE the tips:) 

Selingan.... below is my son singing one of his favorite song "Flowers are red" he also sings "Allah knows" but tak larat nak upload byk2. Hehe...it was recorded in audio version but I can't upload it directly so I've no choice but to make a video out of it. main amik je gambar2 Aaron secara random :)

Oh,  the song is from Zain Bikha album entitled "Allah knows". A very interesting album for kids and adults too :)

Setiap anak berbeza-beza

Selamat Hari Ibu kepada rakan2 fabulous moms sekalian alam! Moga kita semua menjadi ibu2 yang solehah di dalam mendidik anak2. Aminnnn :)

OK. harini I nak membebel pasal anak. Biasalah kan. Mak-mak ni tak lain sikit2 nak cerita pasal anak. Ye tak. OK lah tu. Daripada dok mengumpat pasal orang lain, lebih baik cerita pasal anak2 sendiri. Tapi, cerita tu biarlah berpada-pada ye tak. Anak kita pun manusia. Sungguhpun masih kecil, tapi tetap punya perasaan dan perlu dihormati maruahnya. And jangan pulak cerita sakan sampai orang lain pun dok meluat macam lah anak kita lah the best. Hehe...

Kali ni, mari kita bercerita tentang karakter anak2. Semua orang tahu setiap anak memang berbeza-beza karakter dan sikapnya. Kalau ada 10 orang anak, 10 different karakter lah yang kena kita hadapi. Perbezaan karakter ni biasanya dah boleh nampak dari masa pregnant lagi. Setiap anak pembawaanya takkan sama 100%.

Macam I, masa pregnant Aaron Houdd dulu mabuk sampai rasa macam serik dah nak pregnant. I masih ingat I pernah cakap kat hubby rasa macam ni last dah pregnant. Masa tu sebab dah terjelopok dalam toilet sebab kes mabuk yang teruk. Pernah I terlelap dalam toilet jugak. Dan simptom mabuk menyerang sampai ke hujung nak bersalin. Selain mabuk, I kena sakit belakang yang kronik sampai kalau baring, nak bangun tu sampai bertongkat2 and menggagau carik dinding ke apa utk berpaut. Sakit yang amat sampai kekadang tu terjerit-jerit manja jugak la. And time ni, perut tak buncit lagi pun dah dok gosok2 sekali sekali pastu tersengih2 sendirian. Hati pun selalu berdebar2 takut campur happy sebab akan bergelar ibu. Time ni segala raw food termasuklah salad I memang tak makan. Semuanya mesti well cooked. And en.hubby memang amat-amat concern sampai I cuci toilet pun tak boleh sebab guna chemical yang kuat utk sental toilet (Padahal kat lab hari2 buat kerja guna chemical bahaya. Hehe). Perkembangan baby jgn cakap lah. Walaupun dalam buku biasanya bg weekly development, I boleh dikatakan tiap2 malam akan baca buku nak tahu development baby.

Masa pregnant yang I miscarriage last year pulak, dok nak makan tutti frutti je hari2. Rasa heaven sungguh kalau dapat. I ingat I ada cakap dekat my hubby kalau tak makan satu hari pun takpe asalkan dapat benda alah ni (tutti frutti). Masa tu memang bulan puasa pun.

Masa pregnant kali ni pulak. Mabuk tu memang kemestian lah kot. Tapi I perasan kali ni mabuknya taklah seteruk masa Aaron Houdd dulu. Alhamdulillah, hubby pun takde, selalu I doa supaya dipermudahkan urusan terutamanya dalam pregnancy. Cuma agak sedih utk baby kalini, I start mengaji betul2 utk baby pun lambat, pastu lambat juga rasa connection dengan baby. Bab makan pun I tak berapa strict sangat macam dulu tapi I perasan I prefer Nandos berbanding makanan2 lain.hehe.. Baby development so far I update dari weekly mail from baby center je (since buku pun dah dipinjam orang and masih belum dipulang2. Tp tak pe pun. Hehe) Bukan tak sayang. Cume terlalu dibusykan dengan yang depan mata yang perlukan perhatian 24 hours (siapa lagi, si budak hero tu lah) and kerja2 and study. Sekarang dah 17 weeks++ so dah mula rasa baby bergerak, baru lah I rasa lebih kuat connection dgn baby. Kesian adik baby. Tapi takpe, Ummi yakin baby akan membesar jadi strong child sebab baby and ummi sama2 menempuh cabaran dgn ketiadaan daddy. Lagipun kita ada Akh Aaron untuk jaga kita di sini :)

Development milestone dan cabaran di dalam mendidik anak2 pun tak sama antara anak2 kita dan juga anak2 orang lain. Contohnya my son, dia memang amat terkenal dengan kepetahannya di dalam bercakap. (Nak nama after prophet Haruun yang petah berdebat, dapat anak petah bercakap. Hehe). Bagi sesetengah ibu2 di luar sana kalau terbaca about my son in my blog, bila I inform anak I banyak vocab, pandai menyanyi, tapi bila tengok anak2 sendiri yang mungkin dah sama umur dengan Aaron tapi belum bercakap lagi... Janganlah bersedih. Sebab anak2 kalian punyai karakter yang berbeza. Lambat bercakap, tapi mungkin cepat di dalam bab2 lain.

Aaron Houdd memang seorang anak yang bijak, tetapi cabaran I di dalam mendidik dan membesarkan Aaron Houdd ada di tempat lain. Kalau dah bijak tu, pening juga kepala nak handle ye tak. Dan cabaran terbesar I di dalam mendidik Aaron pada masa ni adalah untuk menjadikan dia anak yang kurang manja dan pandai berkongsi. Mungkin rakan2 lain tak mengalami apa yang I alami. Atau mungkin juga ye. Mungkin you all boleh memasak dengan aman dan anak boleh main and tidur sendiri. Tapi Aaron Houdd tidak. Aaron Houdd juga adalah seorang yang picky eater tahap gaban. Memang boleh tahan menyusu sahaja sehari suntuk. Nasi memang dia tak gemar langsung. I dok fikir benda ni sampai kadang2 termasuk dalam mimpi. And disebabkan Aaron tak suka makan, agak sukar untuk kami makan di luar sebab Aaron bosan duduk di meja makan sebab dia tak join makan sekali. Biasanya kami terpaksa bergilir2 makan. Perkara ni mungkin tak dihadapi oleh you all. Anak2 kita memang berbeza-beza sifat dan karakternya.

Di dalam mendidik anak, kita sebagai parents memang kena terer ilmu psikology kanak2, selain punyai kesabaran yang tebal. Tak boleh kita pukul rata semua anak sama. Juga kurang sesuai untuk kita selalu membanding2 kan anak kita dengan adik beradiknya yang lain, atau pun dengan anak orang lain. Kalau perbandingan tu memberi kesan positif mungkin lah boleh. Tapi apa yang biasa dilakukan oleh parents adalah terlalu sering membanding2 kan anak dengan yang lain sehingga hilang nilai positifnya. Lebih baik jika kita bandingkan pencapaiannya secara berkala, sbg contoh, daripada kita bandingkan anak kita dengan anak jiran yang selalu dapat markah tinggi dalam exam, lebih baik kita bandingkan pencapaian exam anak kita yang terkini dengan yang sebelumnya. Lebih praktikal dan realistik rasanya. Jika pencapaiannya baik, kita puji. Jika tidak, kita tegur. Bukan hanya memandang yang negatif kerana secara tak langsung kita juga akan melahirkan anak2 yang berfikiran negatif dan hanya suka menilai sesuatu dari sisi yang negatif sahaja.

Perbezaan tak semestinya membawa kekusutan. Dengan adanya perbezaan lah kadangkala sesebuah keluarga itu mencapai kebahagiaan. Jika si abang pemarah sifatnya, mungkin si adik lebih cool. Jika si kakak agak tinggi egonya, bila ibu ayah merajuk dengan anak2 kakak pun turut merajuk sama, mungkin si adik yang menjadi pendamai, memujuk hati ibu ayah dan menasihati kakak.

Jadi sebagai parents (especially para ibu), nak tak nak kita memang kena menjadi pakar psikologi anak2 kita sendiri. Kita kena tahu karakter setiap seorang dari anak2 kita. Suami pun perlu lah membantu bagi melahirkan suasana yang positif ye :)

Like daddy like son. Akh Aaron Houdd :)

Why english education from an early age?

I was grown in a small village where 90% of the community speaks Javanese and English is just as one compulsory subject in school. The Malay words pronunciations were always sounds so Javanese, let alone when we speak in English :)

   

I was then gained my secondary education in one of the Islamic school in Klang, which at that time, English was also something very discordant to the ear. I remember every time we tried to communicate in English, we'll get the look as if we were using vulgar words publicly. And it didn't just happen to me, but to most of the students there with the same effort. I often heard deprecation towards those who were known to use English as their daily communication language (which trust me you can count that with your fingers) as "Arrogant person" and "Poyo or macam bagus".

I only remember 3 of my English teachers back in my school time. One from my primary school (Teacher Hjh Salwa, the one who made me love English so much), and the rest were from my secondary school (Teacher Haslina Ali and Teacher Nailis Sulha). I owe them huge favors as they had taught me this 'foreign' language and brought this language to my life. Not that I don't appreciate the other teachers. Of course I do. But the problem with our school back then was lack of teachers and we always had to face substituted teachers and there were times where we had to wait for weeks (sometimes up to a month) just for one teacher! So yes, we didn't really have the opportunity to learn English in a proper way.

During matriculation, it didn't affect much as what I could recall, but one thing I encountered was my  low self-esteem against those who came from well known boarding schools and convent/methodist based schools as most of them could speak flawlessly (at least to my ears.Hehe)... 

Then came my campus life.... My English at that time, I can consider as still very poor. I just got band 4 for MUET, and I didn't have much practice in speaking my whole life. Hence, I had almost zero confident to speak in English publicly. One fact you need to know is in University of Malaya, we are seen as '1Malaysia' and the competition is always so obviously stiff. If you are in Science Faculty or other faculties which the majority of the students there are not Malay, and you don't really speak English, other races would not really like to approach you. Easier word, they may look down on you. We may not bother to have no Chinese or Indian friends but I think it'd bother me enough if I was seen as a non productive Malay. Bigger issue, I was holding a title as a Muslim....

Luckily, my course only had 38 students and only 4 of us were Malay. Others were all Chinese. So I took that as a challenge for me to practice more in speaking. But I was so busy with many programs and activities (campus and NGOs) so I didn't spent much time with my course-mates - a big loss to me.

Yet, the biggest problem to me was during the examination time. Alhamdulillah, I didn't have problems reading lecture notes and reference books which were all in English. But the problem was during the time I want to construct sentences to answer the exam questions. I would take more time just to construct words although I understand the questions and definitely knew the answers! This is a very common problem everyone with poor English background would encounter. And I was one of those! I was hoping that I could learn English one more time just like we did during school time, but to my dismay, UM doesn't offer English subject in/for Science Faculty... Although I graduated with quite a good result but not in the Dean list, I always know I could do better if I don't have problem with English! 

I started to learn English earnestly during my undergraduate time. But honestly it wasn't that easy when you learn without a teacher! My best affordable teachers were always one of my best friend and Mr. World Wide Web... I used to read dictionary like I read novel! :D I wanted to take extra class for English but during that time I faced many constraints, one of those was money...

And up till now, I'm still improving my English. Believe it or not, sometimes when I am writing my thesis and I got grammar issue, I'd spend my time googling and peeking through English Learning website instead of continuing my writing....

By reading my blog, you must have noticed a lot of mistakes in my writings. Some of the mistakes are even the simple and silly ones. Hehe. Let me tell you something. The first challenge in learning is to build self confidence (and fight the inferiority). When we know we are so lack in something, there's no way we want to show it to others, right? But in learning languages, we have no choice but to practice and practice.... So here, my blog is one of the tool for me to sharpen my english and writing skills. I can't be shy for the mistakes that I make, as I am learning from those mistakes. 

And yes, I may not have a lot of chance to improve my grammar (that one I think I need to seek a proper teacher. Hehe), but at least, I could shorten the time of constructing words, improving my vocabulary and therefore, learn to communicate better. 

So that is my long history of my silliness in English.

And by experiencing all that, I don't ever want my children to face the same difficulties like I do. My parents have been the most encouraging person to us in learning English. My dad especially.... But considering many factors, I now know how to introduce English language to my children in better way so that they are comfortable with the language. 

My English is not excellent. But That doesn't mean my children can't learn from me. And by teaching my children, I am actually learning too. We are now in a modern era where English should not be a problem to anyone. We live in Shah Alam where kids can speak English proficiently. I sometimes feel ashame when I hear a kid who is 20 years younger than me could speak way better than me. :p So just imagine my children time the next 5 years. If they can't master English, they may face a lot of difficulties especially along their education line. 

I remember my SIL once asked me why we plan to use English as our main communication language among family members? She even said "Macam  poyo aje lah"... I was just smiling to her and gave my reasons. But now as she already has a kid, I can see she is also trying to introduce English language to her kid. I am glad she did that and change that negative mentality before its too late.

I don't say it's compulsory to use English as our main language at home. But it's not wrong though. And that doesn't mean we belittle our mother language. Alhamdulillah my son can now understand both English and Malay quite well.  And we plan to teach him Arabic when the time is suitable :)

There is never too late in learning... But I think the easiest way is to start introducing whatever kind of education we desire from an early age... And my hubby and I have decided to use English as our main language for our kids as we have considered our life experiences as our benchmark. We never blame our surroundings, parents, teachers, etc. We are instead learning from them and somehow we really appreciate our history as that make us never want to stop learning :)

***************

P/S: A very common perception is when we try very hard to educate ourselves or our generation with 'foreign' languages, we are seen as the modernist who'd forgotten our origin. I think it should be the other way around. Because we are so proud of being Malay and most importantly, a Muslim, therefore we want to be at par with all the successful people, whatever it takes.

P/S/S: Some say why bother to blog in English. Some people hate to read it. And better don't fool yourself by showing how many mistakes you can make... I would say: Well, my Malay is not that good either. Most of us have problem with Malay too. So if you are so afraid of destroying English, why don't you feel the same about your mother language? -Just being sarcastic. Hehehe....

Doa seorang ibu

Sebelum I buka lembaran thesis yang memeningkan kepala, I'd like to spend approx. 5 min to share one thing yang sebenarnya dah amat femes di kalangan kita: Kata-kata seorang ibu adalah sebuah doa.

Dari kecil, kita orang Islam memang sinonim dengan adab terhadap orang tua. Kita dah biasa dengar yang anak kena respect parents, no matter how. Satu ayat yang popular kita dengar adalah ayat dari surah Al-Isra' ayat 23 yang bermaksud:

"Dan tuhanmu telah perintahkan, supaya engkau tidak menyembah melainkan kepadaNya semata-mata, dan hendaklah engkau berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa. Jika salah seorang dari keduanya, atau kedua-duanya sekali, sampai kepada umur tua dalam jagaan dan peliharaanmu, maka janganlah engkau berkata kepada mereka (sebarang perkataan kasar) sekalipun perkataan "Uf", dan janganlah engkau menengking menyergah mereka, tetapi katakanlah kepada mereka perkataan yang mulia (yang bersopan-santun)"

Itu adalah tuntutan dan tanggungjawab seorang anak terhadap ibu bapanya.

Tapi perlu kita ingat, pendidikan awal datang dari rumah, di bentuk oleh ibu bapa itu sendiri. Sebagai ibu bapa, kita pasti berharap yang anak-anak akan sayang dan hormat pada kita. Tapi semua itu harus dimulakan oleh ibu bapa itu sendiri. Ibu bapa yang perlu mengajar anak bagaimana caranya untuk berkomunikasi dengan baik dan saling hormat menghormati.

Sebagai contoh, kalau kita tak mahu anak menengking kita, maka janganlah amalkan tabiat tengking menengking di dalam rumah. Apatah lagi menggunakan kata-kata kasar dan tak sesuai di dengar. Amat malu sekiranya seorang ibu/bapa itu sendiri yang mendedahkan kepada anak perkataan2 yang tak sedap di dengar dek telinga.

Apatah lagi, kata-kata seorang ibu/bapa itu adalah satu doa.

Dari Abu Hurairah beliau berkata, bersabda Nabi Muhammad Shalallahu `alaihi wassalam, “Ada tiga doa yang tidak diragukan lagi akan dikabulkan, yaitu doa orang yang terzalimi, doa orang yang sedang safar (bepergian), dan doa orang tua terhadap anaknya.” (Ash Shahihah 596, hasan)

Ibu bapa hendaklah bijak memilih kata-kata yang baik, sekalipun dalam keadaan marah atau gurauan. Selain daripada doa, kata-kata yang datang dari ibu bapa memberi kesan yang besar di dalam hidup anak2. Cuba bandingkan jika kawan kita cakap "Kau ni bodoh" dengan jika ibu sendiri yang cakap. Mana yang lebih memberi kesan psikologi?

Menjadi trend sesetengah orang muda, suka menggunakan bahasa yang so-called cool, yang kadang2 mendatangkan maksud yang tak baik. Begitu juga tabiat mencarut yang dirasakan tak apa. Kebanyakannya akan beranggapan mampu berubah bila dah punya anak. Tapi kita sendiri tahu yang sesebuah perkara, jika sudah menjadi tabiat, amat sukar untuk diubah....

Kebanyakan ibu bapa suka membuat kesimpulan tanpa perhitungan. Mana yang dilihat depan mata, itulah yang diambil kira. Sedangkan tak semestinya apa yang dilihat tu sama seperti yang kita sangka. Menghukum anak berdasarkan kesimpulan mudah adalah satu tabiat yang negatif di dalam parenting. Sedangkan masa kita kecil dulu pun, kita tak suka kalau kena hukum tanpa usul periksa, apatah lagi jika kita tak salah. Tapi bila dah jadi ibu/bapa, kita buat perkara yang sama kepada anak2 kita.... Ini juga boleh memberi kesan negatif terhadap anak.

Jika kita datang dari latar belakang keluarga yang saling bertukar2 kata2 kasar, maka kitalah yang kena mulakan langkah baru, supaya anak kita dan generasi seterusnya tidak meneruskan tradisi keluarga yang negatif begitu. Daripada menuding jari kepada nasib dan keadaan, lebih baik menggunakan anugerah Allah, akal, untuk menilai buruk baik sesuatu perkara....

Sebuah perkara yang amat biasa kita dengar, yang kita sudah sedia maklum, tapi kadangkala perlu ada peringatan supaya tidak dilupakan :-)

Wallahua'lam

One undeniable thing I'd learnt in parenthood is, to always improve myself in order to educate my child.