My master journey: Among the hardest path I'd chosen (PART 3)

You can read  part 1 here and part 2 here

Only hubby and me. One more ticket for mom tapi dia asthma time ni. We sengaja tak allow sesiapa family member nak datang kalau takat tunggu2 luar sebab nak cepat. haha. Macam tanak konvo je kan.

I went back to Malaysia twice to settle my thesis and study. The first time was just after a few months in Oman, as soon as I finish my drafts for 2 chapters. I didn't take long Alhamdulillah after the hard head start. No choice but to go back to Malaysia to make discussions easier. I then decided to stay until I complete thesis submission.

Sounds nice, but of course the kids followed me. So basically I had to face the exact same thing i.e. a single mom, student, and a thousands miles away wife! But family members were always there to help. I can't thank them enough, really.

I submitted my whole thesis after 2-3 drafts for each chapters. Each one with different corrections from both supervisors. The most challenging part in this phase was always to find agreement between all parties. Hahaha. But that's one life lesson worth to keep. 

For all that I'd been through, I thought my thesis would end up as a piece of crap. How can I produce a Scientific Thesis with a quality like this? I can't imagine how screwed I'd be when my supervisors and all the examiners read my work. 

But Alhamdulillah, I passed with only minor corrections! the correction that I took about less than 3 weeks to amend. 

My baby, and a piece of notes I did during my early years of study. Still keep it.

So now, is the article publication part. UM has the requirement where a Master student must publish at least one article to ISI-listed journals only. And based on my labwork grant, I have to submit to either Q1 or Q2 listed jounals only. For those who's not familiar, scientific journals are divided between Quartile 1 until 4 based on its ranks and Impact Factors, with Q1 being the highest grade (I'm not sure other fields but this applies to most Science and science-related field).

So although I had already submitted my thesis and the internal and external examiners had let me pass, I can't straight away graduate until I have a publication. 

As stated in the regulation, I can't even get my thesis for correction before I send proof of paper acceptance. Since I took almost a year to get ONE publication (Hahaha too bad, not a bombastic research), my thesis was put on hold for that entire time. That's when I multitask ehem.. for another ehem... baby- Eve Hawwa! (^_^)

My supervisor's strategy was to target the Q1 journal first. 3 attempts and all failed, I begged to her to downgrade to Q2 to make my life less like hell. Haha. I promised her to look for a decent Impact Factor (IF) although it's a Q2 (politics mannn, haha. and It worked!). Alhamdulillah, the 4th attempt of paper submission, which was my 1st attempt of Q2 journal was successful. Not so bad huh. Not bad at all. 

Oh butttt... you have to wait for sometimes to get a reply (depending on the journal's prerequisite). It can take up to a month and can even reach half a year or more just for a journal's reply! 

So, I learnt the hard way. After the 2nd failure, I didn't just opt for journals that have good IF, but also how long it'd take to process your submission. Average waiting was 2-3 months for each trial, regardless of the result; accepted or rejected! From my experience, only one of them managed to reply within a month and half. So altogether, almost a year of just waiting for paper and nothing else. 

So for whoever had asked me why I still didn't graduate while I already did nothing (neither do the labwork nor writing my thesis, this is why) 

Another tips for Science student: Always try to submit your paper once you got your result done! 

That's why there's no last minute work dude!

You got your result, do discussion ASAP and you can try to submit a paper. You'd never know how long you'd take to get it accepted.

Mine, I got my paper accepted a week or two before I delivered Hawwa! It felt like I got two babies at once. Haha!

Paper tak best pon nak tepek jugakkkkk. Haha

I emailed my sv asking permission to hold it until I deliver. UM gave 3 months for final correction and since my correction was just minor she didn't worry much.

I flew to Malaysia when baby was around 40 days old. Again I brought my off-spring to be my companion in my jihad, but this time only one- the latest bundle of joy. The other two were left with dear husband. I knew the fact that I can't take a lot of time because husband can't take long leave. I made a dateline to make it maximum 3 weeks, and Alhamdulillah, after sleepless nights and days, we made it within 2 weeks’ time. But I had to wait again till end of the year to graduate (the ceremony). I don't care at all. You know, after all that you've been through, getting things done is the biggest relief.

What a sum up! Haha. ZzzZzzzzz.

So again, is it possible to study (especially the fields that require research and labworks) and being a mommy?

Of course! But please dedicate your time for your study, like what I said in Part 1.

And it doesn't have to take so long like my case. A lot of people (moms) out there have succeeded within the anticipated years. 

Difficult?

Everything we do has its own challenges. To be realistic, yes it's difficult. It takes a lot of courage and determination to do it.

But again, it is not impossible if you want it.

It is my destiny to have this path, to be tested stage by stage, from cutting scholarship before the agreeable due time, changing of research methodology after a year of research and labworks hence the wasted data, long distant relationship with husband, to having health issues. If my life was so easy, maybe I'd not be who I am right now. I may not appreciate hardships, I may not treasure 'Ilm (knowledge) as much as I do now. Indeed, Allah knows best.

I can't thank enough to the people who have helped me throughout the journey. They were indeed the reason I succeed, of course by the wills of Allah.

And I can't deny I had relinquished a lot of my parenting responsibilities along the time I'd taken to finish my study. That's why, in this particular event, Aaron is so special in my heart because he had sacrificed a lot for me. And now that I am a full time Rabbatul Bait, I am so happy to spend my whole time with my family. No regret, in fact, truly blessed! Alhamdulillah.

Carcosa Seri Negara

My Master Journey: Among the hardest path I'd taken (PART 1)

Two of my sisters are graduating this month! Congratulations. Brakallahu lakuma.

Last year, my other sister and I shared the same graduation year of our Masters Degree. She's in education, I was in Science.

...A celebration I'd rather choose to ignore at first. If not because of my husband who insisted we went back home and attended the convocation, my plan was to go for a vacation nearby, within Muscat is fine, and celebrate it just the 5 of us. It seems not worth the money to just go back for a day event all the way from Oman. But he insisted, reason being, I had worked hard for it, and it had given tremendous impact on our small family- The obstacles, tears, and sweats, the sacrifices, etc.

But Allah had a better plan for us. My husband was given a task in Malaysia for a week, and my graduation day was happened to be on Saturday morning the same week. We flew back to Oman that Saturday night.

You know, I've been wanting to have a special post about my master journey. I've been dreaming to write about everything precious along the journey and mannn I've waited for so long!

Even if I have the highest education certificate the world can offer, I am still a mother and my kids are my priority. 

I've been asked a lot of time how was it possible to be studying and taking care of children, especially towards the end of my Master journey where we were miles away from my school and family and without a helper. All at once. How did I do that?

People around me either think that I am a supermom, or a pathetic (not so) young woman who's trying soooo hard to fulfill her dream (or just say finish what she has started long ago).

But Alhamdulillah, I had positive surroundings and good support. (I chose to stay around positive people actually. Truth hurts, I know)

To say that I had no helper at all is actually not precisely correct. Honestly, I could never in million years finish my study without the help of people around me, directly or indirectly, especially some of my labmates and my own family members. I took care of Aaron in his 1st six month. I took a semester break. His Onni took care of him after that during the time I had to go to school and did my labworks. In the weekends, my husband helped take care of him or all of us would have a party in my lab. And when I was in Oman, some friends helped with the admin stuffs. Ijah, if you read this, I want you to know that I owe you so much! Barakallahu feeki.

During school holidays my sisters will take turn to come over to our house in Shah Alam to play with Aaron and helped me with chores. Having them in the house had made our days (especially Aaron) brighter. At least some one can play with him while I was busy in my own journal-reading world.

During my second pregnancy, I was miles away from my husband for almost a year. Life got tougher without him especially when juggling between motherhood and student life. I had started writing my draft while still doing my labworks (few re-arrangements and last minute changes I can't avoid). And my pregnancy symptoms were really bad. Nevertheless, I still had to go to the lab in the days and stayed awake most of the nights for writing. I slept for about 3-4 hours most of the time. With that and my pregnancy condition, mannn I was over-exhausted.

During the first few months of my LDR with my husband, Aaron was in the phase of weaning off . It was hard, really hard until my dad tak sampai hati and a lot of time asking me to just abort the mission. He was around 2 years and half and I was around 4-5 months pregnant so like it or not, I had to go ahead. I was trying to potty train him as well and I just couldn't take the stress out of it, so I aborted the  potty train mission.

I managed to finish my labwork before I follow my husband to Oman, not long after I delivered Saraa. Husband went back to Oman after paternity leaves and I had to finish my final tasks before following him there. I had post-delivery complication that took me more than an average time to heal. But I did come to the lab for final works, meeting ups and discussions during my last period of confinement. Technically speaking, I didn't really pantang pon

But this time the challenge was harder because I had two children already. I had to be very strict with timing. No lunch break most of the time and straight away home after work. But you know labwork, sometimes it takes a solid 6 hours for just an experiment! And some even take days to get just a result. But yes I didn't go on everyday basis.

Maryam Saraa being my supervisor, checking on my work every seconds, haha

For Part 2, Please click here. Thank you! eceh! ^_^

Dyslexia

dys·lex·i·a

dəsˈleksēə/

noun

1. a general term for disorders that involve difficulty in learning to read or interpret words, letters, and other symbols, but that do not affect general intelligence - (Source from Google).

To understand a bit more about dyslexia, please click here for a simple and precise explanation.

So what's up with dyslexia?

Al-kisah, ada lah seorang emak tu, tak tahu lah apa masalah dia, tiba-tiba dia datang dengan satu teori konspirasi yang menyalahkan genetik sebagai punca anak dia tak reti membaca lagi pada usia 6 tahun. Iya, 6 tahun, bukan 16 tahun ye.

Come on Ummi, he's just 6. What is your expectation?

Well, well, of course I have expectations. At his age now, I want my son to be excellent in reading, spelling, and maybe he can even be an orator like his dad. I want my son to be able to write neatly, even in cursive handwriting. I want him to understand the Quran, memorize it and be able to speak fluent Arabic. Is that so hard to ask for?

DELUSIONAL! You might as well want your son to be the youngest mufti or a prime minister!

No lahhhh...

Honestly I am fine with Aaron not being able to read yet. Really. Well, not that he doesn't know how to read at all. He can read and spell simple short words. He's not that 'bad', you know. I give him time and chance to make it slow and steady. But of course it would be easier if he's known how to read and spell so that we don't have to struggle so much during homework time. We don't have to take a lot of time and annoy each other to get things done (seriously, it can be soooo stressful!) And I am sure once he knows how to read, he would not hate homework this much! (me too!)

What makes me concern (being a freak if you want to judge me. Fineeee) is that his inclination to get confused between letters, and often picks up letter reversal. He even writes backwards! Like how? Like this;

    uoy knahT.noraA si eman ym iH

Yes, seriously. Plus, with all the miss-spells (Hi, mi nam is Aaron, tac u) and don't forget the letter reversal. b with d, 2, 3, all terbalik, despite he has known alphabet by heart since he was like 19 -20 months old!

Yes he has that special power, I should be proud!

What, you can read what he wrote too?

Congratulations, you also have that special power. You should be proud too! (^,^)

And as much as we do the reading revision, he's still struggling to memorize common words like 'the, this, my, from'

Last week's homework. Yes I helped, in case you're wondering xD

So you are saying that your son is dyslexic?
No. I am just... you know, worried. I am worried if I just ignore, being denial without in a second have the thought that he might be one, and I just don't do anything about it. Or at least look at this in a different perspective.

I am worried if all this while, deep inside my dark side, silently accusing him of being lazy, don't want to try harder and urrmmm, being lazy, especially when I was angry at him during homework time, is me, being way wide of the mark!

I am concerned, because I want the best for my kids. Dyslexic is NOT a disease. It isn't a situation where your kids will not know how to read for the rest of their life. Dyslexic people can be as successful as non-dyslexic. Most of them behave and act normally, just like anybody else (unless maybe they have other issues).

The only thing about dyslexic is that, they are special, unique and they need some strategies or approach to help them go through the challenges that they face. And that is WHY it is important to be alert, so you come up with help, with strategies, so that you don't accuse your child of being lazy, and so that you can stay calm because you knew the fact that your child digests and processes things differently. THAT. that's my point. (Here I am, justifying my worrywart syndrome, as what my husband said. Grrrr)

But Alhamdulillah, after some thorough readings and consultations from my fellow doctors, as well as looking at other signs (like he's able to read simple Arabic since he was 6), I learned that this confuse thingy is normal at his age. I don't need to worry so much, but still have to monitor, because if he is still like this even long after his 7th birthday, than maybe he needs to be taken seriously.

Man I am just an ordinary human being who has experienced motherhood for 6 years, but still sometimes being so naive about what motherhood is all about.

If you ask me, honestly, I have a dream that my kids are fast learners, that they can read as early as 5 or 6, just like I did. And that they can spell and write and read Quran slowly, if not properly yet. Eh, macam expectation kat atas tu je. Sah, perempuan ni delusional!

But I don't compare my kids with others (except for just to ask whether it is normal at his age to have such issues). I know some kids his age have already self-read, memorize Juz 'Amma and maybe even good at simple arithmetic, congratulations to their parents!

Each of our kids is unique and we all have our own methods of parenting, and most importantly we have our own hurdles in raising our own kids. By saying this, I am reminding my self to not trying to compare my kids even among themselves, so much so to not compare them with others (we know the fact that in reality, yes sometimes we incline to compare, or anticipate our kids to be like some kids who seem more successful or more outstanding)

As for Aaron,
I love you for who you are my dearly son. You have your own strengths especially in speaking and inventing/building stuffs. You are indeed an adorable son and brother, mashaAllah! (though sometimes garang amat, macam siapa? errrr. haha)

Aaron Houdd, 2015

I realize one of the hikmah (that I can think of) for facing this phase is that, Alhamdulillah, it's like I am being reminded constantly that "You can try your best, but remember, you don't have control over certain things in life, because everything, including our abilities and disabilities, is in Allah's hand.

I am being tested with my act towards kindness, compassion, and most importantly my patience.

And indeed, compassion eliminates prejudice.

So in conclusion, if you are in the same boat with me, or if you have a dyslexic child, let us pat ourselves on the back for our endurance on facing the challenges, and let us make du'a so that Allah facilitates our children's journey in seeking knowledge.

{An awareness towards Dyslexia}
http://www.driveryouthtrust.com/promoting-dyslexia-awareness/

A Little conversation about almost everything!

Dear Aaron,

The urge of keeping this as part of your childhood memory is compelling and I think this is quite good since we don't really have close conversation between just the two of us since the day you arrived from your Spring holiday in Malaysia (alone).

I always believe that 'talking' is part of your strength. After all, your name is chosen after the name of Prophet Haroon, the one that was known for his oratory skill! (^______^)

I love to have conversations with you because I love the way you ask questions and trying to understand the whole topic. I don't mind scratching head to answer your tricky-yet-honest questions because I know you will eventually get the point and I always satisfy with the way you comprehend to my explanation. Alhamdulillah.

Like tonight. you couldn't sleep despite the tiring 3-days and nights full of activities. Hence, our bedtime routine became a little too long as we went into (seems to me like) a very serious, never ending conversation.

Aaron: Ummi, I can't sleep coz I am afraid.

Ummi: Remember, we should not be afraid except only to Allah

Aaron: Yes, Allah and Shaitan

Ummi: You should not be afraid of shaitan. Shaitan is just one of Allah's creation like you, me, Hawwa, trees, ocean, etc. So why do you afraid of shaitan?

Aaron: Because shaitan is strong too

Ummi: No it is not. Allah is the strongest. And you know, you are even stronger than shaitan....

Aaron: (interjected before I finish) I know I know. I can fight shaitan! Erm.... How? I forgot... Oh yes... I have to pray!

Ummi: Yes, and memorize the quran. That's why you have to read quran and memorize the surah. 

Aaron: But why shaitan afraid when I pray? he will go far away right?

Ummi: Because shaitan doesn't like when you pray to Allah and do what Allah asks you to do. Inshaa Allah, if you pray to Allah, Allah will protect you from shaitan.

Aaron: Ummi, Allah creates shaitan?

(Ummi nod)

Aaron: Us too?

(Nodding again)

Aaron: When did Allah create us? When we're born?

Ummi: Actually, Allah created you when you were inside your mother's womb

Aaron: Worm? is it good worm or bad worm?

(I think he got confused he thought I meant worm)

Ummi: It's not worm like the one that eat your teeth when you don't brush your teeth (haha I got him scared by saying cavity is worm to get him brush his teeth when he was smaller. I'll correct that later on)

Ummi: Its W.O.M.B its a sac. You know sac?

(Aaron shook his head)

Ummi: It's like a bag where baby stays there when he's inside his mom's belly

Aaron: I was there too when I was a tiny baby? Why baby stays there first?

Ummi: Because at that time baby was soooo small. he cannot feed himself, cannot move... He needs his mother's help to grow. Only when he's ready to live in the world, then Allah makes him out

Aaron: How does baby go out from the womb?

Ummi: Allah will make a way for it. There will be a tunnel and a hole to let the baby out.

Aaron: It comes out from the butt right? (I think I shouldn't say hole to make thing less complicated haha)

Ummi: Not butt

Aaron: Then? 

I was about to say it but I didn't hahaha.

Ummi: Somewhere close to butt but not butt

Aaron: I can't see it right?

Ummi: Yeah

Aaron: Why?

Ummi: It is not important for you to see it now. 

(But Aaron knew sometimes baby can't come out through the tunnel so the doctor has to cut the mom's belly to let the baby out. Just like his case)

Aaron: Errmmm....But I can't see Allah too? How is Allah looks like?

Ummi: I don't know how is Allah looks like. I can't see Allah too. 

Aaron: But you said we can see Allah after we die and after we alive again right?

Ummi: Yes. You want to see Allah?

Aaron: Yeah yeah!!

Ummi: Then you have to do good and be good. Only good people can see Allah in the heaven

Aaron: But then, where is Allah now?

Ummi: Allah has His own place

Aaron: Is Allah in the outer space?

Ummi: Erm... not really. (I was hesitate to answer this)

Aaron: Oh is Allah outside the earth?

Ummi: Yes. OK the most important thing is, if you want to see Allah, you must be a good boy OK?

Aaron: OK Ummi.

The conversation didn't stop here. There was some discussions about how when you use your brain you'll become clever and vice versa but I think it's going to be too long.

I don't know how on earth a 6 years old boy can bombard questions non-stop. He didn't even pause long from one question to another. Well I guess, because he's a kid hence he is still full of wonder. I bet most of us (moms and dads) have been in this situation right? They want to know everything so instantly as if they are going to sit for an exam!

Oh Allah please bestow us with wisdom and patience in raising our children. Ameen!

Parenting Tips: Lesson from Surah Yusuff by Sheikh Sajid Umar (Part 2)

So this is the continuation of Parenting Tips: Lesson from Surah Yusuff (part 1)

#5. 3rd TIP from Surah Yusuf, 12:5: Teach your kids about tauhid

وَكَذٰلِكَ يَجتَبيكَ رَبُّكَ وَيُعَلِّمُكَ مِن تَأويلِ الأَحاديثِ وَيُتِمُّ نِعمَتَهُ عَلَيكَ وَعَلىٰ آلِ يَعقوبَ كَما أَتَمَّها عَلىٰ أَبَوَيكَ مِن قَبلُ إِبراهيمَ وَإِسحاقَ ۚ إِنَّ رَبَّكَ عَليمٌ حَكيمٌ

That is how your Lord will choose you, and teach you the interpretation of dreams,1 and complete His blessing upon you and upon the house of Jacob, just as He completed it earlier for your fathers, Abraham and Isaac. Your Lord is indeed all-knowing, all-wise.’

OK. Do you remember the life story of Prophet Yusuff from the day he received the dream until the day he was being reunited with his father and brothers? 

Do you remember the obstacles that Yusuf (AS) had to endure along his prophet-hood journey? 

Please read the translation of Surah Yusuff so that you will understand how is these 3 ayaahs (12: 4 - 6) relate to the whole surah, and relate to the best fundamental parenting tips we can benefit from, inshaa Allah.

In the meantime (to not make this post look unfinished, hehe) lets review the significance of this ayah.

إِنَّ رَبَّكَ عَليمٌ حَكيمٌ

Your Lord is indeed all-knowing, all-wise.’

This is the ayat about TAUHID, about Allah, the ayat that Prophet Ya'qub taught his son, the ayat that had built faith in Yusuff.

Short and simple word, BIG impact!

Yusuff was a small boy when he was abducted from his father. Now, imagine our small child at the age of 5, 6 or maybe 7. Imagine if someone kidnapped him/her, or bring him/her away from us. Nauzubillah min zalik. Yes, even to imagine, we simply can't!

But this is what had happened to Yusuff (AS)! 

But Yusuf had a proactive father that gave him wisdom even from a young age. Because of that,  by Allah's will, Yusuff survived the tests.

When he was all alone, in a dark, at the place where he thought nobody would know he was there, indeed. Allah knows! He is all-wise!

Then he was brought away from his country, a foreign land to him. He must had been scared, and his father didn't know where he was, how he was, and he was all alone, but no, he wasn't alone, for Allah was with him, and Allah is all-knowing!

When he was tested with an attempt of adultery, where nobody was around but only him and a woman who was willing to surrender everything for him, while he was a young man with desire, he chose to ran away. Indeed, he knew, Allah is all-knowing. Allah is 'Alim, Allah is Hakeem!

And then when he was imprisoned while he was innocent, yet nobody helped him and stood up for him. Did he feel despair and hopeless? Indeed, he knew that Allah knows, Allah is 'Alim, Allah is Hakeem!

Allahuakbar!

This, many audience broke into tears! 

Allah is so close to Yusuf's heart. He has strong faith in Allah.

And who taught him that? His father.

When? when he was just a small kid!

And what about us?

If we think our kids are still small to understand, and we don't make an effort to even try, how can we sure that when our kids are in their teen age; the age full of wonder, desire, and bravery, they are capable of restraining themselves from the tests? How can they have Allah in their heart?!

Yes, for some reasons the western researchers say that young kids should not be burden with too much info, heavy info, etc. (I just read about this a few days ago mashaAllah!). But what this surah teaches us is to not rebuke our kids' intellect. They are born in fitrah, and they can understand knowledge about tauhid. (Of course this is a story about two prophets, one as a father and another one as his son, and of course we can never be at par with them. But that is not the point. We just need to try and re-try. Make effort)

#6. The teaching of kind heart and forgiveness.

During the end of the story, Yusuff was reunited with his brothers and father. At that time, he was a minister in Egypt, his brothers came to him for protection. What did Yusuff do? 

Despite what they did to him around 50 years or so ago, he forgave them!

Yes, Yusuff forgave the men that abducted him and separated him from his beloved father and brother (Bunyamin).

Surah Yusuff, verse number 100. Yusuff (AS) said that Satan induced his brothers. He forgave his brothers, because he knew his brothers were under the influence of satan. He blame the satan.

Subhanallah!

Remember we talk earlier about effective communication?

Prophet Ya'qub told Yusuff about not telling his brothers about his dream because he afraid his sons will get jealous (under the influence of satan)

Now... even after 50 years, Yusuff (AS) still remember the teachings of his father.

Most of us remember Yusuff as a handsome man. That is what we've been taught since small. But little that we aware that he is not just a good looking man, but also a man with good heart. 

He held no grunge against his brothers, and other people that cause trouble in his life.
{So after this, please don't just tell story about Yusuf, the handsome prophet, was seduced by a woman. Tell the story until finish. There is more to learn about the life of Yusuff (AS)}

#7. Our children are our assets in the hereafter.
This statement is debatable but let just be positive. Sheikh talked about the famous hadeeth about 3 deeds that benefit us even after we die; 1) Our continuous/ongoing sadaqah (donation), 2) knowledge which is beneficial, 3) The prayers from our pious children (HR Muslim).

Guide our children the Islamic way. Teach them manners, and do not be overprotective towards small things (i.e. let our kids know about responsibilities, knowledge, etc). Let them make mistakes through learning while we are around so that we can correct them. If we are too afraid to see them make mistakes through life lessons, how can we correct them when they make mistakes while we are not around anymore?

Prepare our children to be among the pious mankind, and may we have the benefit through the prayers from our pious children when we are gone.

I am so sorry I am not a good narrator. I think  for a better understanding and knowledge, you can watch Sheikh Sjid Umar's lecture on Youtube. I am sure you can benefit more knowledge first handed.

As for me, even after almost a month attending this lecture, my heart throbs when I imagine how Sheikh delivered his speech. Very powerful, and emotional. And I realize, there are a lot for us (my husband and I) to improve.

May Allah give us wisdom to raise our children, and may we have sabr with us all the time :)

Parenting Tips: Lesson from Surah Yusuff, by Sheikh Sajid Umar (part 1)

Please feel tempted at this entry's tittle, because someone is trying to be an ustazah and start giving a lengthy lecture about parenting, please please! (Jerk. Haha). 

OK. For those who have no idea who this Sheikh is, you can read here. Basically, he is one of the Islamic speakers and lecturers in Al Kauthar Institute, an activist in Da'wah. Try to listen to one of his lecture in sha Allah you'll fall in love with the messages.

So a few weeks ago, he came to Oman and Alhamdulillah he was given a slot about Lessons from Surah Yusuf. I promised myself to share what I got with my husband, since he decided to take care of the kids while I was attending the lecture so that I can have full focus on the lecture. Barakallahu feek ya habibi, even I know this is one of your favorite sheikh. I consider that as my 'compulsory time-off' (which in sha Allah I'll write about this next time). And why I end up writing here is because my husband gives me a task to share this in public. I feel guilty to not accept his task considering his effort and sacrifice.... So please bare with this lengthy post and may we all benefit something from this. Ameennnn. 

#1. Sheikh started his lecture with the encouragement of attending 'majlis ilmu' (gathering for the remembrance of Allah). He recited a very powerful hadith from Sahih Muslim  as an eye (and heart) opener to motivate us all to keep busying ourselves attending this sort of gathering (or if not possible at least listen to lectures whenever we can). Note: It is the 36th hadith from the 40 hadeeth of Imam Nawawi - May Allah bless Xifu Nasser for his effort 10 years ago to make us memorize some hadith an easy and fun way!

Here is the hadeeth's translation:

On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

Whoever removes a worldly grief from a believer, Allah will remove from him one of the griefs of the Day of Resurrection. And whoever alleviates the need of a needy person, Allah will alleviate his needs in this world and the Hereafter. Whoever shields [or hides the misdeeds of] a Muslim, Allah will shield him in this world and the Hereafter. And Allah will aid His slave so long as he aids his brother. And whoever follows a path to seek knowledge therein, Allah will make easy for him a path to Paradise. No people gather together in one of the Houses of Allah, reciting the Book of Allah and studying it among themselves, except that sakeenah (tranquility) descends upon them, and mercy envelops them, and the angels surround them, and Allah mentions them amongst those who are with Him. And whoever is slowed down by his actions, will not be hastened forward by his lineage.

[Muslim]

#2. Parenting starts before marriage! 

- Seek knowledge as much as we can, even when we are still single. 

- But it is never too late to start good parenting, and in fact, we have to always improve our parenting skills.

** Sheikh suggested us to have a thinking day!

 -i.e. A moment where we muhasabah ourselves so that we can keep ourselves in track, re-think, re-do and re-correct things that we have regretted along the journey. 

#3. 1st TIP from Surah Yusuf, 12: 4 - Intimate relationship between a father and his child 

إِذ قالَ يوسُفُ لِأَبيهِ يا أَبَتِ إِنّي رَأَيتُ أَحَدَ عَشَرَ كَوكَبًا وَالشَّمسَ وَالقَمَرَ رَأَيتُهُم لي ساجِدينَ

When Joseph said to his father, ‘Father! I saw eleven planets,1 and the sun and the moon: I saw them prostrating themselves before me.’

Allah doesn't start this story with 'Once upon a time'. Instead, He starts with this ayah above. A very straight forward story about a boy who always refer to his father whenever he's in dilemma: A boy who trusts his father and prefers his father more than anyone else!

Instead of going to his 11 brothers, or his peers similar his age, Yusuff (AS) went straight to his father after he got a very confusing dream. This shows how intimate this father-child relationship is. 

BE A GOOD FATHER AND INVOLVE IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE!

COME WHAT MAY, YOU ARE YOUR CHILD'S HERO...

In this life, we have 2 roles, 

(1) mandatory role - Being a child, parent, mom, dad, etc

(2) elective role - us as a career person (doctor, cook, banker, teacher, etc), voluntary work, etc.

-DO NOT let your elective role overshadowing your mandatory role!

-You are the best teacher to your children.  Sheikh reminded us to NOT pass on our responsibility to others. Don't  just rely on school, society, strangers to be your kids' teacher.  

Children learn from us, parents. So set up good examples for them to follow.

For instance, in this ayah, Yusuf (AS) called his father يا ابت, which means my dearest dad (some technical arabic nahu/grammar with the ت behind the اب that indicates the softest, most honorable tittle). Because, when we read the next ayah, Prophet Ya'qub calls his son with the softest call, يا بنى (my dearest son). 

Respect and trust are earned. We want our children to respect us, we have to first show how respect is. And trough a fond relationship, inshaa Allah trust is earned too. 

#4. 2nd TIP from Surah Yusuf, 12:5 - Effective communication and respect your child's intelligence

قالَ يا بُنَيَّ لا تَقصُص رُؤياكَ عَلىٰ إِخوَتِكَ فَيَكيدوا لَكَ كَيدًا ۖ إِنَّ الشَّيطانَ لِلإِنسانِ عَدُوٌّ مُبينٌ

He said, ‘My son, do not recount your dream to your brothers, lest they should devise schemes against you. Satan is indeed man’s manifest enemy.

Prophet Yusuf (AS) was a small child (less than 7 yrs old according to mufassirin) when he had that dream. But prophet Ya'qub (AS) addressed the matter in a proper way albeit dealing with just a small boy. He kept his son informed with the right information in an effective way, even for the heavy topics e.g. about SATAN. You know why? 

Because Prophet Ya'qub didn't know how much time he had to be with his child. 

So do us. We are unsure of how much time we have with our children, right?! Why not start now. Teach our kids about Allah, tauhid, shaitan, shirk, etc.

We want to wait for the right timing but when is the right timing? Are we sure we have the future to give guidance to our children?

So perhaps, instead of waiting for the right timing, why don't we make the timing right. How? 

by effective communication!

We surely can learn effective communication from this ayah, mashaAllah! 

-to give command --> to explain --> to guide

Lets look into this ayah. First, Prophet Ya'qub commanded his son (do not tell your dream to your brothers). Then, he explained to his son the reason of his command (they will make plan against you). Next, he gave guidance to his son (shaitan is indeed man's manifest enemy). Our common mistake is, we tend to give order (command) but we don't explain, never mind to give guidance. 

HOW EFFECTIVE is his teaching?

Ahhaaa.... please read the 2nd part of this topic.
(I separate into 2 parts so that it doesn't look too long)

A dedication to all mothers in the world :)

Maryam Saraa's Aqiqah goodies tags.

"We have enjoined on man kindness to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth" (46:15).

Everyone knows that a mother is the pillar of a family. She's everything to her family. You see, when we say everything, that includes being a mom, a friend, a doctor, a teacher, a chef, a housekeeper... Best description - a runner.

Being one person in many positions? Oh that's terrific! And don't forget to sum up all the wifey job! (^__^)

How many of us moms have to wake up early in the morning and don't even have time to have a nice proper breakfast because we have loads of things to settle in a very stiff hours? -bathe the kids,  prepare breakfast, hubby, prepare to work, send kids to nursery/school... yada yada yada...

How many of us sometimes can't even grab a single glass of drink when kids throw tantrums, fighting, or got hyperventilated/sugar rush etc?

And how many of us, sometimes crying quietly somewhere in the kitchen while preparing something because we are too tired or hurt, or maybe crying out loud alone in the car because we got frustrated with the kids behavior, asking ourselves what have we done wrong? Which parenting part did we relinquish? And then, reminiscing the good old days when the kids were smaller, on how beautiful they were as a small creature, and how we had showered them our undeniable, unquestionable love. Thus, hoping for something impossible like how we wish our growing teenagers to act less complicated just like when they were smaller.

Or maybe crying while having a shower, contemplating ourselves, hoping that one can understand how tired we are, how weak, hopeless kind of mom, and getting frustrated of our inability to stay stronger.

Alas, mothers, you are indeed not alone. If you think your inner voice is unheard, your loved ones aren't really care about how you feel and you sometimes behaving a wee bit emotional, just take a deep breath, take some moment to be alone and keep your head. Coz that's just part and parcel of motherhood. Other moms face the same thing too. Yes, we moms understand each other better. And we know that those sappy feelings are uninvited yet free to come but won't take long to leave.

Being a mother is like taking a full time job that doesn't allow you to resign. It is a restless, exhausting job with loads of responsibilities. Your working hour is from the moment you open your eyes until when you close them back to sleep. That doesn't include working extra hours pass your sleeping time due to fever bugs in the house, or finding solution for some family dilemma or for any other reasons only you know. 

Behold, 

For every difficulty a mother has to endure, every challenge that may seems so hard to tackle and every big responsibility she has to carry, being a mother is one of the most dignified profession in this world and in the hereafter. And it is surprisingly the coolest position you may have experienced. Despite all the unwieldiness, the never ending demand from the loved ones, and the craziness one could turn out to be when she becomes a mother (hehe), there are myriad pleasure you'd grasp throughout your motherhood experiences. And no matter how hard life would be, you'd stand tall and survive. You know why? Because you let yourself Redha with the sacrifices you've made and You lay your love on everything you do. You mothers, are indeed so super special and super strong!  

And if at any moment you feel unappreciated, alone, disgrace, exhausted.... Remember that as long as you Redha and Ikhlas, this is one of the many ways that can grant you Jannah!

It's a free ticket for us moms to enter Jannah!

And just to revitalize our spirit, sort of emboldening our motherhood vibes, lets remind ourself about the greatest reward that every heart's desires; THE JANNAH. 

Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet, said, "Allah said, 'I have prepared for My pious worshipers such things as no eye has ever seen, no ear has ever heard of, and nobody has ever thought of. All that is reserved, besides which, all that you have seen, is nothing." Then he recited:-- 'No soul knows what is kept hidden (in reserve) for them of joy as a reward for what they used to do.' (32.17) (Book #60, Hadith #303 of Sahih Bukhari) 

*Now, imagine the best thing we'd ever want in this world, the best place we've ever been/imagine, the happiest moment you've ever had in your memory..... Jannah offers you so much more and it's beyond comparison.

These two ahli syurga are my syurga dunia.

Aaron Houdd's post 3rd birthday entry

Right after born - 22/2/10

Assalamu'alaikum.

Dear Aaron Houdd,

The time I'm writing this, you are 37 months old - A son, grandson and an abang.

Looking at you now - a handsome, charming little boy, nothing more I could say than Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah. Having you and Saraa is the best gift Allah has ever grant me.

Three years have passed so fast! I still remember your croaky voice right after you were born- the voice that had knocked my motherhood intuition ever since. I remember Doc Safiah (your Paed) greeted you cheerfully with Assalamualaikum. I remember the doctors and nurses in the OT exclaimed "what a fair skin he has! so fair! and cuteeee!". Everyone in the OT shared the excitement of your birth. And I was indeed the happiest person in the entire world!

You were so fragile back then. Everything about you was cute. From your coos, your smiles, cries- to your act - how you chewed your food, scrunched your nose, made your hair messy, just every single thing about you was cute. But now, cuteness alone isn't enough to describe you! many many times, there are something else in between. It's always mixture of cuteness and cheekiness, cuteness and naughtiness and what else? Uh, every other mom will surely understand what I mean :). That new perspective of cuteness can easily drive me nuts! 

You know, when you were smaller, I used to think that my motherhood experience would be less challenging once you reach toddler-hood. You can eat healthy adult food and walk by yourself, you can speak so we could understand you better and know exactly how you feel, and you can even settle your 'business' by yourself. 

Oh, what a silly me for having that thought!

There's always more and more challenges once you are a mother. 

You can walk by yourself. Not just that... most of the time YOU choose the direction. Hence, shopping simple groceries could take hours. 

You can speak, hence, there's always answers and justifications of your act. When you get cranky, you don't speak because speaking isn't powerful enough. You have better idea. You s.c.r.e.a.m! 

You can eat any healthy food but you also know how to refuse food. So you choose to drink milk all day.

Yes you can settle your business by yourself, of course you can. But you chose to end your 60% of successful potty training in a week by peepee everywhere and groaned "I'm so tired I've to go to toilet so many times. I wanna wear diaper again". And A big exclaimed of "Yeayy, I'm wearing diaper again!" like you just won a lottery officially had ended the potty training mission.

I can't lie that sometimes I can't handle this motherhood thingy. There are times I feel like a failure, the biggest loser of the entire motherhood world. Nope. Not because you're a nuisance. You just being a kid and it's perfectly normal. It just me, learning to be a good mother to you. Yeah sometimes it's not easy. But there's no way I can give up on you. Not even in a split second that I lose love upon you despite how hard the situation may be. Indeed, you made me realize that patience is an essence in motherhood, and love makes everything a perfect sense... Your pure love keeps me sane and alive.

Dear Aaron Houdd,
You may outgrow my lap, but you'd never outgrow my heart. (a modified unknown quote. hehe)

And I pray to Allah to always guide you and grant you His mercy.

Around 20 months old!

Few months before he turns 3!

A note from The Sultan Qaboos's country

It's been 9 days we are here - away from our beloved country, family and friends.

And here's what I really want to tell:

Following my hubby abroad, giving him chance to groom his career while I, a master student, have to sacrifice on my dream career- being a full time housewife, taking care of the kids and hubby, writing thesis, doing chores, repeating routines, giving in my social life - friends, fav places to hang out, etc... is one very tough decision to make.

and above all, it may seem so unfair. 

But here's the deal. Long distant relationship is full of crap, at least for us. Yeah we never like it and as far as we know, nothing else would content a happily married couple than being together. Together in hardships, sorrow, pain, struggles in life, and also in happiness, joy, laughter. 

An eleven months LDR experience has taught me a lot. It has changed some part of me and my perceptions too. Going down the lane on how I had to struggle being a single mom to my kids was a heartbreaking for both of us. Never will I forget the moment where I had to carry a 14 kg toddler with  high fever to the hospital at 11pm while I was carrying another human being inside me. Waiting in the A&E with few visits to toilet due to morning sickness. Not to forget the moment I had to drive to UM by myself to complete my labworks, each time was so challenging also due to pregnancy symptoms mainly nausea. How was I going to vomit in the forever congested traffic at Federal Highway, and I remember one time I almost got cramped leg while I was stuck in a bad traffic. Not to mention the frustrations of couldn't share the bad news to my most trusted person right after receiving it, never mind to have my head on his shoulders.

And there were my counting days- a few minor surges and false alarm without my hubby by my side. Fighting over the possibility of hubby might not come back during delivery through phone calls, having postpartum complication and again, hubby wasn't around. And more sick kids- both Aaron and Saraa, all without the Daddy, the one we always need to be around.

Even if all those tests didn't appear, the need of a best friend when we were in despair, the touch of  the loved one when we were in pain and the giggles and the face that had budding loneliness when he's not around was killing enough. 

And for me, that is not all. One thing that worried me was the feeling of 'It's OK' that grew bigger day by day. You know, when we used to do things on our own and we deliberately getting used to it, and we think we can handle things all by ourselves. Hah, sometimes it freaked me out cause I sometimes had to ask myself whether or not I still love my hubby. Well of course the answer is yes, but you know, because we rarely do things together anymore, I sometimes didn't seem to bother if he didn't call me even once for the day. Lagi2 lah he was busy and different time zone also contribute to the limitations. I sensed this mostly during our last period of LDR few months before I followed him here. Wouldn't a wife supposed to wait for her hubby's call and if there was, she should be so happy to pick up the call? No? I was the opposite. If I had fast asleep I won't bother a call from him although that considered our first chat of the day. And sometimes during the conversation I can multi task with instagramming, Facebooking, or anything else depending on the time. Wasn't 100% focusing on him. So yes, I didn't like that. I was seen as a bad wife.  

Moving here, I'd left many unsettled things but bring them along to inshaAllah, settle them from here, step by step. Capitulate on my dream career and struggle to finish my responsibility as a student , Only Allah knows how am I going to survive here, what way suits me best, and which direction I will eventually choose. I may have to undergo many obstacles, failures, frustrations, and discouragement regardless of how mature the decision we'd made. But in the end, I know whatever it is, this is my destiny.

So now, we are back together again. I pray to Allah that we won't have to face the same test again, inshaAllah. Being together doesn't mean end of story and everything will go smooth. Our life here has just begun, so that means more upcoming challenges, more tests and more surprises. But as long as we are together, I hope we can handle life as we supposed to do, the best we can.

Thank you for your never ending thoughts, du'a and encouragements. Only Allah can repay all your good deeds.

Maryam Saraa 3months old in this photo. Amik dari instagram je malas nk upload lain.hehe

Mood merapu sikit

Hi there,

How are you? how's ur Imaan? Hope everything is good.

I have promised myself to share about my birth experience. But I think it just not the time yet. I assume I may take 2-3 posts merely about that precious moments, starting from pre-labor, in labor and post-labor. See, so lot of things to say and share, hence, considering my fluctuate mood swing (dah fluctuate, swing lagi. hee) I'm having right now, I just don't get the mood to go into that, not just yet. inshaAllah soon :) Well, it may not be that important to u girls but the experience has given me a platinum of lessons so it will be very sad if I don't record it in my blog and let the blazing sensation of the feeling slip away slowly.

Today, as I am starting very-very-very slowly on my thesis writing, trying to get into the right atmosphere and focus on the right thing, I guess all I can say is...Well, it's kinda good head-start for a mom who has to read tonnes of articles and catching up the lost idea concurrently, plus has to play with my brilliant little baby who knows exactly how and when to catch her mom's attention... Haha. Tell you what, As I started  reading a few paragraphs (only), I'd to pause myself for a while right away, searching for the familiarity of the words my eyes had captured, before I can continue to the next paragraphs. Oh there are times where I'd to re-read the same paragraphs a few times to understand what on earth I was reading. Urghhh... My brain is getting incompetent and apparently I'm getting older. Huhu...

Speaking of old... Hmmm... this word has brought me to suddenly visit my blog. This very meaningful word.

We grow older day by day

And now, 2012 is near to the end...

I suddenly feel very sad... Coz I see no achievement in myself.

In terms of spiritual ability and awareness - none. I think I am a shameful useless servant (literal translation as a human being. u know what i mean? no fancy words, just go literal)

Da'wah activity - nope. very little as compared to what I could do coz I am a healthy muslim. no excuse.

As a wife? U can ask my hubby how terrible I am as a wife ( OK. don't ask him. He won't tell the truth. hehe)

As a mom? Hahaha.... I think I am far from being a good mom. Aaron Houdd... that boy, a lot of things need to settle with him. Maryam Saraa... too early to tell, but if I can compare, I was much better in handling Aaron Houdd when he was in Saraa's age. 

career achievement - funny enough if I can translate it into a graph, it actually slunting downwards...Urgh. So sadly sad. heee...

money? Oh I am a jobless person so I definitely am no a rich lady.

Suddenly feels like a loser T_T

Hey, Can I say that having kids (precisely a new one this year) as an achievement? Coz other than that.... I don't think I have any....

OK. get back to what I should do right now.... c ya later.

Currently listening to this boy. Hmmm.... this is something I need to improve too... My heart. I need to fix it. times flies, but why on earth I still can't fix thing as it should be? I am a mom... but still. sometimes.... very into music. Haha... ada hati nak anak hafal Quran tp mak curik2 dengar lagu2 lagha belakang anak.

btw: love this song so much.

An Ummi of 2 lil munchkins

Houdd's & Saraa's

2.15am : Saraa bangun mintak susu.  In d middle of susukan Maryam Saraa, Aaron Houdd bangun mengadu 'itchy2'. Mintak tolong garu kaki n badan dia yg gatal2....

Sambil susukan Maryam Saraa sambil tolong Aaron Houdd... Maryam Saraa habis susu. Try burp kan tp dia xnak. Letak Saraa and layankan si abang sebab kalau Aaron dh segar nanti lagi susah nk tidorkan semula... Tup tup si adik muntah. Cepat2 angkat. Salinkan baju. Si abang masih merengek mintak di layan. Kesian jugak pada si abang. Last2 dia membawa diri mencari Lola sebab nk susu n kakinya gatal kena gigit sekpr nyamuk sesat...

Si adik pulak... Baru lepas salin diaper n baju, proppp poppp poppp... Poopoo la pulak! Usai menguruskan Saraa, si kecik ni mintak susu semula... Mungkin sebab dah dimuntahkan semuanya tadi. Tengah menyusukan si adik, si abang darang nk tidur dengan Umminya. Terpaksalah Ummi yang masih terkial2 belajar menjadi ibu kepada 2 anak ni bermulti tasking...

 Kesudahannya, Alhamdulillah dua beradik ni berjaya ditidurkan semla. Jam 4.17am semuanya selesai... Tinggallah si Ummi yg terkebil2 mata dh xboleh nk lelap tapi badan dh amat letih. Dah mcm zombie rasanya... Dapatlah melayan Daddy pulak yg berada beribu batu jauhnya dgn perbezaan 4 jam waktu antara kami.

Mula menyedari: Dua beradik ni sering meminta perhatian pada waktu yg serentak. Tak kira waktu tak kira tempat... (tu belom termasuk Daddynya yg pandai carik masa nak call, time anak2 meragam time tu lah phone berbunyi.hihi)

PS: Kalaulah masa yg berbaki ni dimanfaatkan dgn tahajud dan taubat alangkah indahya. Cantiknya Iman. Pesan suami 'xlarat solat xapa. Zikir pon dah baik sangat'. Allahu Rabbi...Sementara menguruskan anak2, sentiasa ada ruang untuk berzikir denan hati mahupun lisan kan?

PSs: Sungguh menghormati dan kagum dengan para ibu lagi2 yg punya anak ramai, ibu tunggal dan sebagainya....Sungguh masih banyak lg yg perlu diri ini pelajari dan perbaiki. Perkara sebegini sebenarnya menjadi rutin harian biasa bagi kebanyakan ibu2 yang mempunyai anak lebih dari 1. Saja dicoretkan pengalaman baru ini buat kenang-kenangan di masa akan datang.

PSss: Masih mencari rhythm meneruskan komitmen selain anak2... Menguruskan anak2, sungguhpon mencabar tp mendamaikan hati... Tp komitmen yg satu ini, kalau dibiarkan sepi semakin hilang semangat utk meneruskannya... Xhabis pk mcm mana nak menyelesaikan masalah x sekepala 2 boss, belom lagi melibatkan krisis skill menulis yg menumpul dan idea2 yg semakin menjauh... Ya Allah permudahkanlah....

on something truly sad

Assalamu'alaikum.

I should be writing about something else. I've 2 things in my mind, both are about child's education. I'm actually restraining myself from updating my blog right now, coz I've not yet complete my 3rd chapter of my thesis (which I am now 3 weeks delay of my dateline-even though not entirely my fault-but yeah, still...that's my first priority now)...

But the pressure of thesis writing is sometimes unbearable! especially when you stuck on something that you have no total control over, and that delay your work, hence change your entire plan... I'm 7months pregnant now and I need to speed up.  Things will be more complicated if I couldn't afford to complete my first draft before delivery. "Allahumma Laa Sahla Illa ma ja'altahu sahla. Wa anta taj'al khazana idza ma syi'ta sahla.... Aminnnn"

And yes... writing an entry in my dearly blog is totally different feeling. It's like the best place you can visit whenever you want, especially during the time you want to look back on your precious memories. It's also the trusted place where you can jot down whatever you want, considering you don't mind what people may judge you :D I never mind not having any reader, as my main objective is to keep the memories alive, and to share something that I know, especially about parenting and children education. Share aje lah, org baca or tak lain cerita. Hopefully it can be some kind of my effort of spreading knowledge :)

And oh yes, speaking of blog- I'd read one of my friend's blog about friendship couple of days ago. She did mention about how sometimes friendship becomes something so weird- like you know- you used to have close friends where you share almost everything but things changed after everyone gets married or starts a new life (I'm rephrasing her words in my own way and understanding by the way.hehe)... She also mentioned about having to remove her friends in her blog who apparently doesn't really seem to care about her life anymore. Mind you her blog is in private mode. So it might make sense. She only maintain true blog-friends (in a sense) that still care for her, and she'd of course care for them too... Overall, it's about quality friendship...

I somehow agree to her points- quality friendship. Like I always say, I'm no a hardcore blogger. I don't mind not having a lot of followers. I do maintain some blogs, be it from the owner that I know in real life, or those who I just found in this blogging world. I choose them not because they are popular, having a lot of followers and what not. I choose to maintain reading their blogs because they have something to give me, something beneficial in term of knowledge,inspiration and motivation, and maybe much more, even if they have only like 12 followers, I really don't care. They are good mothers, inshaAllah good muslims. I've met new friends in blogging, friends that I can share things and thoughts though we never meet in person.

I know some of my friends keep updating my life by reading my blog. Indeed, I'm using the same method too. Fully understood, things nowadays are so much different than back then. We are tight with a lot of commitments - work, study, hubby, children, family, business, you name it... Sometimes it's not that we totally forget our friends, but maybe...maybe there are constrains that keep us busy. And I'm sure we still remember each other and the longing of old friends stick around together is so deep inside our hearts... That is why. I hope my dear friends can steal some of their times to update their blogs, because I need to know they are now truly happy, truly alive, as I am happy for their happiness. ..And most importantly, coz I don't want our friendship to fade, for whatever reason it may be.

So friends - esp my closest friends - you know who you are - please lah rajin sikit update blog naa. I miss you all so much. FB is not the same as we don't really tell our stories in FB. nak call pun kadang2 tak menyempat, tak berangkat, kalau you all tak return my call pun nanti macam2 speculation syaitan dok invent dalam hati.... I know you guys are busy. everybody is busy. even Aaron Houdd is busy. Hehe.. But please lah.... OK?! 

P/S: I have a friend that we met since form 1. And we still can call each other despite how busy our life is. Sometimes we meet. It's simple. When one of us call each other during wrong timing, we just have to call back or text each other later on. And we still manage to make silly jokes and share stories - just like old times.... Oh of course, she is a career woman, married, and has baby too.... Some other friends, although we don't meet each other due to distant etc, but we keep on buzzing each other's life through FB message, YM, blog, etc... I think at least we make use of the techno wisely. hehe... 

Sharing is caring :)

Oooo who's head and fingers? :P

Assalamu'alaikum dear mommies! or mommies to b :)

Today I'd like to SHARE about SHARING. Yelah, sharing is caring kan? :)

Do you notice how your children will react when they are asked to share whatever they have in their hands? say, maybe their food, toys, or even adik? Hehe...

This is what normally comes from my son:

"Aaron Houdd, can I have some --------?"

"Cannot. It's mine!"

"Ok. Can we share?"

"Cannot! / I don't want!"

Or if its food, he'll sometimes reply like this:

"Cannot. I'm hungry!"

Oh boy!.

At first I was so worried. Then, I found an article about this from babycentre. It's actually quite normal for a kid his age, especially if he has strong character and background of high potency of being dominant (first or only child, taken care by close relatives, etc).

But as parents, we surely don't want this attitude to prolong until they turn older. right? Of course we want them to be generous and concern about others too. 

So here are some tips that may help in educating our children to be more generous. InshaAllah :)

1. Solat Jamaah - how is solat jamaah related to this topic? Oh its actually one of the best tool to educate our children to have more sensitivity towards others. As solat jemaah gives a lot of tremendous impact in our life, it also be able to teach our children about unity and responsibility. There's vast difference between a family who practice solat jemaah and a family who is not. If solat jemaah becomes one of family compulsory event, the family normally has no hurdle eating together, communicating and sharing other things as well.

2.  Eating together - Let's make a simple rule in the house. Nobody eats in front of the tv, or eating alone while others are home. Easy. If we eat together, we'll share the food. If the amount is little, everybody'd have small portion only, and nobody will left behind. My father always reminds us that if we want to spare food for someone, make sure we apportion the food before dining time, not spare it as if it's a leftover from anybody else. Eating together is also the best way to create good communication environment.

3. Sharing is OK. Nobody will lose - As parents, we have to always remind our kids that it's OK to share something that we have with someone else. A 2 year old kid might not understand about this, but surely he'll get the point later on. But make sure we- as parents or adults, have to initiate this routine. Remember, kids learn faster from observation! It's very contradicting if we ask our kids to share but we show to them the opposite attitude- e.g., eat snack in front of the tv alone, without even invite others to have it some. Or simply have our meal alone while our spouse/mom/sister is doing chores or reading newspaper.   

When I was small, I was taken care by my aunt (my dad's sister) with my 2 other siblings, 2 other cousins and her 5 kids. It was a big number right? Like a nursery! But my aunt is the best care taker ever! She'd taught us a lot of things, including SHARING. She is a perfectionist. Every time she cooks, she'd make an even portion to everyone - us, and her own kids. If she fried paratha or even cekodok and her kids got 3 pieces, the rest would get the same amount. Nobody would go to the kitchen and had the meal first. Everybody'd have his/her own portion and eat together. If someone got back from school and brought back a sweet, she'd divide into how many of us. If it wasn't enough for all of us, she'd take it and said that it's not enough for everyone so it's more appropriate if she took it and ate it. And we'd all agree. Hehe... 

I was also taught to always remember my other siblings when I want to buy some 'jajan' etc. If I had it just for myself, I had to finish it before I reach home. And don't mention about it. If not, then I'd to share with the other siblings. We used to live in a big family (our neighbors were our cousins) and some of us not so wealthy. It was not nice to brag about something we had but others just had to listen with -maybe- frustration or hope. Remember, kids way of thinking and priority is different.

Up till now (i'm old enough for this... I guess.hehe), if we want to celebrate birthday, or having our favorite chocolates, we would wait until everybody is around, or at least (like the chocolates) divide it evenly so that everybody will get the same amount and taste each flavor. Hahaha.... Somehow we enjoy doing it (gadoh2 main2 siapa banyak siapa sikit padahal dah bagi sama rata. And boleh tukar atas dasar suka sama suka.)

4. Sharing responsibility - By educating our children the true meaning of sharing, we are also teaching them to be more helpful. We can start teaching them by doing small chores together, or at least to tidy up their own belongings. If they make the mess, it's better if we ask them to help us clean up the mess-together. We can't expect kids to be fully responsible for what they have done, and so it's better to lead the cleaning process with them rather than just nag to them, hoping that they will do it by themselves. We can also ask them simple question like "Would you like to help me setting up the table?" or "Do you mind helping me hang the sejadah please?"... We can also encourage them to be responsible by throwing their own dirty diaper or trash into the dustbin, and keep their own shoes in the shoe cabinet. Don't forget to praise them and say THANK YOU and never ever redo the chores they've done helping you. If you really can't stand looking at the improper clothes they've helped you fold, redo it later when they're not around. And remember, they can't do it as perfect as us adult, but the main point is not to reach perfection. So don't complaint their work. They'll feel unappreciated.

5. Donate - I used to join comparative religion study back in university time. I'd the chance to join Christianity 'usrah', their mass event, and other important events too. I love being in the church. Everyone was treated as family. And you know what, the church was so lively every time they had an event. One thing I notice about the Christians, they encourage their kids to donate to the church from an early age. From what I'd noticed, the parents will give each of the kids certain amount of money and each of the kids had the opportunity to donate the money to the church. 

We are not educating our children to be silly, by simply giving our belongings to other. We are teaching them to be generous. So we have to work on it with explanations and strategies.

6. Family saving box - This is interesting. Apart from educating our children to do saving in her/his personal fund, why don't we create a fund who is under everyone's responsibility, and the profit will also benefit the family members. 

We have this since I was in school age. Everyone has to invest money. We do it on monthly basis. Of course the amount is not the same. Parents and adults (who is working already, or seen as wealthy enough. hehe) have to donate bigger amount than the school kids. For example, kids below 12 yo have to invest 50 cents per month, whereas adults have to invest RM2 or RM5 per month. Log book is necessary to maintain justice, transparency, etc. The money will be spent together on something everyone is agreed upon, but some amount will be carrying forward. In case somebody need to borrow the money, he/she can borrow from the family saving box but on one strict condition, must pay back :) We'd used the money for our family vacation in 2009 and everyone was happy and felt the contribution -not only rely on dad's money. Hehe...

It's a lot more other interesting ways to educate our children about sharing. Everyone is welcome to add up and SHARE the tips:) 

Selingan.... below is my son singing one of his favorite song "Flowers are red" he also sings "Allah knows" but tak larat nak upload byk2. Hehe...it was recorded in audio version but I can't upload it directly so I've no choice but to make a video out of it. main amik je gambar2 Aaron secara random :)

Oh,  the song is from Zain Bikha album entitled "Allah knows". A very interesting album for kids and adults too :)