Say Goodbye to our baby NO.4 (missed abortion)

 وَعَسَى أَن تَكْرَهُواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لَّكُمْ وَعَسَى أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيْئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَّكُمْ وَاللّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لاَ تَعْلَمُونَ 

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not (Al-Baqarah, 2:216)

I love this verse! Isn't it a cool quote? 

Well, this ayah is actually explaining about war and jihad. But without taking the meaning of this beautiful verse out of context, we can still take it as a general reminder in our daily life, don't you think so? 

Like when we are given 2 choices in life, but we just have to choose one, especially when we end up with the less favorable one. 

Or perhaps when we are not given any choice at all, but to just accept whatever is in front of us, whether we like it or not.

Just like what is happening to us right now, where we're being tested with grief and loss.

Inalillahi wa inna 'ilaihi roji'un...

From the LMP, I was supposed to be around 13 weeks/3+ months pregnant, which I just past my 1st trimester.

But since I am using a mobile app. called FLO, I think I might be approx. 2 weeks late from my LMP, which means I might be around 11 weeks pregnant. Subhanallah, that means, I got conceived during my infertile day, only a few days before my next cycle! "KUN FA YA KUN"

However, it is difficult to tell because according to our previous check up, my pregnancy was just about 6 weeks old (which it couldn't be. I know so.... we were in London at that time. No way. Just no way.. ha ha ha)

So we concluded that maybe, just maybe, the baby had stop growing during its 6 weeks. Only that it didn't flush itself out naturally, and my body was still supporting the pregnancy all the way (I'll explain later on this) - This is called missed abortion.

Our first maternal check up was on 27th NOV 2016. The doctor did an intervaginal scan and discovered a small empty sac in the uterus. That's all. But at least I knew I was Pregnant. 

Second check up was 2 weeks later (11th Dec). There was something like a round shape in the sac, a fetus, as verified by the O&G. According to the LMP, I was supposed to be 11 weeks pregnant, but from the scan, it was just about 6 weeks. Obviously there was growth in the sac as compared to the previous scan. But ironically, the growth wasn't proportional to the LMP by huge interval. Another problem: we couldn't detect the heart beat. 

"We just wait and see.... I am not sure what kind of pregnancy I am dealing with" - O&G.

The words that I will remember for as long as I think I would!

The next day (Mon, 12th Dec) I started to bleed in my pants. At first I thought it was an after effect of the intervaginal scan. The next day (Tue, 13/12), I was still bleeding. Lesser, but then a brownish discharge took over. I was terrified but Anuar was going back to Malaysia that night. He wanted to cancel the trip but of course I said DON'T... 

I thought the bleeding would stop. I was wrong. 

I continue to 'bleed', but this time just a brownish discharge. I was contemplating whether or not to make any appoinment. I seek consult from a few doctor friends. Since it was a brownish discharge, they said don't worry too much, have rest! just please have rest! bed rest if I can! and please go to the hospital and get myself checked if there's anything that concerns me.

Unfortunately, I started to bleed fresh blood on the 17th night. On the 18th, I tried to make an appoinment with my O&G, but she's full. I ended up with another O&G on Tue (20 th), though I'd had my next appoinment with my O&G on the 22 (Thu). 

Anuar arrived on Tue morning (2 am). We went to my O&G clinic at around 11.40 am and got to see her at 2pm, walked-in. She was full that day and she was a bit upset with us because she had to catch up with a LCS case at 2! (I cancelled the other O&G due to some reasons, but mainly because I had a feeling that something was not right, so it'd be easier to refer to the one who already know your history)...

And that was when we confirmed that the baby was gone, like officially gone. 

I was bleeding fresh blood, the fetus got no heart beat (Still) and the round shape in the sac was shrinking.

The next day (21/12/2016) I was admitted to the hospital and was ordered to do D&C.... How did I feel? Like my post in my IG.

Yes. I learnt that losing a baby, even when your are a mother of 3, is still losing a baby. And a missed abortion is still a loss. and the feeling is still.....

D&C was a whole new experience to me. I went to the OT, got myself an LA (spinal anaesthetic), had to lay on bed for the next 8 hours post-surgery, fasting, peed in my bed (because they didn't put a catheter on me!) and yeah... 

It was hurt. I was hurt, physically and emotionally. But Alhamdulillah, I am fine. 

Now that I think about it, I've experienced the beginning of motherhood for each child in some sort of way... And what more to raise them, each of them with different characters and strategies (^_^')

-ELCS (elective c section) - Aaron; 

-An induced normal birth with the help of systemic pain relief AND post-delivery complication - Saraa;

-A normal-gentle birth (minimal medical intervention i.e, VE and AROM only, no pain relief)- Eve.

-D&C -(supposed to be) baby no. 4... with an anaesthetic that kinda react a lil slow in my body, hence, I felt an intense pain, I felt the suction, the cramp, the intense pain! 

-I had previous miscarriage with just a natural flush out also.

Subhanallah! 

And now, I am fine. Alhamdulillah. 

My uterus is taking its time to heal completely (pain is becoming lesser, womb is not swollen anymore). However, the spinal injection site is still hurt (bruising maybe), and I am suffering back pain in various places (the effect of anesthetic, plus I'd had an epidural 6 years ago, and yes, aging factor, I knowwwww). 

Two things that I'd never expect to happen 

1) you know some women will have difficulty to BO after delivery, Yes, I kind of having a hard BO (almost constipation), surprisingly, even though technically I didn't really deliver the baby. Maybe because I still had the cramp/contractions especially during the D&C process itself. 

2) I am producing milk and I got engorged - - -, hurt!!!! this is even more surprising because I thought I was just having a missed abortion! (but that also make sense cause missed abortion is a missed misscarriage - the body didn't recongnize that you are misscarriage, hence the placenta keeps on producing hormones.

Anyway, there are a lot of underlying stories I don't tell. 

-About why I didn't straight away go and see the doctor.

-About how I actually had a sense that something wasn't right due to some symptoms i.e. I had bad pregnancy symptoms mostly sickness. I got that a few days after London trip and I even made a 'scene' in Bahrain Airport (That's where I suspect I was pregnant) but I suddenly didn't feel nausea. I thought this time the pregnancy would be different... and in some way, yes, it was different.

-Why I didn't get bed-rest as suggested and why I can't afford to have confinement post-incident.

-What had happened in between the event...

But it's OK. At least. I'm writing up the most important parts. On how I want it to be remembered. 

And the most important part is, we are all fine. Alhamdulillah.

Aaron and Saraa have accepted the fact the we'd lost the baby. Saraa was crying when she knew about the news. It was hard and devastating to see her cry. The night after the surgery, she asked me where's the dead baby. She wanted to see it so badly and she cried when she knew she won't get to see the baby (maybe she imagine it like a fully developed baby)

Eve, well, she's still small to understand about loss, about death. Sometimes when we lay down side by side, she would rub my belly and say "Hi baby, Hi baby" and sometimes kiss (more to sloppy kiss) my belly. She did that even during the night before the surgery. That one last night with the baby in the belly. But I'm sure she'll be fine. 

I learned that, dealing with loss, regardless of any kind, is a great emotional trial. Alhamdulillah, I am surrounded with good friends and families.

So yeah, that's all about it. Almost all. Haha. 

I hope, this is one of the way Allah wipes my sins away. Ameen!

Macam mana cara berpantang yang sebenar?

Aaron 12 days old. Kitorang jalan2 makan angin and balik S.Alam sekejap time ni.
Keesokan harinya dia menjadi budak botak!

About a week ago in one evening, I brought Aaron Houdd to a playground. We did the usual things there. Than, I met one Pakistani mother with her pretty daughter playing side by side with Aaron. So we greet each other and started the conversation.

Surprisingly, the mother was actually in her confinement period. She just had delivered her 2nd baby girl for the past 2 weeks.... I asked her who took care of the baby, she said the maid. She said the sister (her first daughter) is so active and loves to kacau the adik that is why she brings her to the playground...Tell you what, she is a doctor! And rileks je dia jalan2 pergi playground and all... Heheh.

So question here: Kalau tak pantang macam mana nak sembuh? habislah nanti bentan!

And terus teringat one famous claim yang selalu I dengar: Muda-muda boleh la tak jaga, nanti dah tua haaa, baru lah sakit itu ini....

So here's another question: How is the real confinement anyway?

Selalunya kalau bercerita pasal berpantang ni akan ada dua kategori: Cara modern and cara tradisional. And kedua2 cara ni memang opposite.

Ada yang cakap cara modern yang betul, tapi kalau kita orang melayu and duduk kat Malaysia, kebanyakannya akan cakap cara tradisional adalah yang terbaik. 

Tapi sebelum pergi kepada detail and tentukan cara mana paling betul, kita tau ke apa dia cara pantang modern, apa pulak cara pantang tradisional? 

OK I bukan seorang doktor, bukan jugak seorang mak bidan. And I cuma baru ada 1 kali pengalaman melahirkan anak. So kalau rasa apa yg I cakap ni salah or tak suka...Tak apa :)

Personally, I paling tak suka kalau orang suka banding2kan cara mana yang modern atau tradisional. Kalau kita buat something yang orang rasa pelik, than akan ada yang cakap "Itu cara modern. Orang muda, mana tau. Nanti dah tua bila dah sakit2 badan barulah rasa"

Kalau kita ikut benar2 cara tradisional pulak, nanti ada pulak yang menyapa "Aduh kau ni, kolot sungguh. Zaman sekarang benda2 ni semua mengarutlah!"

Seolah-olah ada 1 je cara yang betul. 

Melahirkan anak adalah satu perkara yang besar. Apatah lagi kalau czer, operation yang dilakukan tu adalah major operation tau. Incision site tu besar (bayanglah boleh bawak keluar sorang baby, tak besar?)

Bagi I, tak kisahlah apa yang kita nak buat, cara apa nak guna, paling penting biarlah benda tu ada dasarnya, ada objektif dan sesuatu yang terbaik untuk badan kita. Tak kisah la cara tu orang nak kata modern ke tradisional ke...

Perkara paling penting yang kena ambil kisah adalah the healing process itself. Besalin menggunakan banyak tenaga. Kalau yang normal tu nak meneran nya... Pehhh... and nak tahan sakit tu pun memerlukan kekuatan dalaman yang memenatkan jugak kan? So haruslah kita kena REHAT secukupnya sejurus lepas bersalin dan ambil makanan yang BERKHASIAT untuk proses pemulihan dalaman dan luaran.

I rasa semua orang patut faham yang during pantang memang kena banyak REST. Sebab simple je. Nak pulihkan tenaga, and sebenarnya along the way kita berpantang tu dah cukup memenatkan sebab nak take care of diri sendiri yang belum betol2 sembuh and baby. Kalau dapat hire assistant or nany pn OK juga. Tapi siapa kata kalau berpantang kena duduk je, baring je? Uih, mana nak cepat baik macamtu?

I dulu masa 2nd day doktor dah suruh bangun and belajar berjalan. I think this is a normal procedure utk c-sect mom. And kena bersenam jugak sikit2. Baru badan tak rasa letih tak tentu pasal. And not only me, I think zaman sekarang ramai orang berpantang sendiri je. Masak sendiri, jaga anak sendiri, basuh baju sendiri.... Cuma standard la buat sikit2 and ikut termampu je la. Dah awak pun jalan slow motion je nak setle cepat macam mana ye tak? Hehe... Schedule fleksible....

Kalau ikut doktor, semasa dalam pantang memang kena minum banyak air. Sebab 1) taknak badan dehydrate. Nanti lebih letih 2) Nak menyusukan baby kan? kenalah minum air supaya susu pun boleh keluar 3) Mengelakkan sembelit. Bayanglah dah sakit bersalin, sembelit lagi. Oh no!

And than, doktor selalu akan nasihatkan supaya makan makanan yang kaya dengan protein untuk pembentukan dan pemulihan tisu dan sel. Protein base product terbaik adalah dari sayuran dan sumber daging putih. Kalau nak makan daging lembu pun OK. Tp kalau tak bersalin pun semua tau daging putih lebih sihat dan mudah cerna...

Jangan skip sumber nutrisi tertentu semata2 kerana takut jahitan tak baik atau luka lambat sembuh. Masa zaman I kecik dulu I tengok my auntie berpantang makan nasi kosong, ikan bilis goreng and kuah sayur. Aduh, 60 hari makan macam tu je. Oh no!

I faham ada orang cakap makanan sejuk la panas la. I pernah tanya O&G. dia tanya I balik "u ni ada keturunan cina ke? org cina yg selalu ada byk pantang larang, makan sejuk la panas la, fengshui la"... and then dia cakap lagi benda ni is subjektif. kalau nk cakap dari segi saintifik, kalau cth tembikai tak boleh makan sebab sejuk - tembikai mengandungi gula (fruktose etc). ayat mudah, gula akan menjadi sumber tenaga dlm badan. penghasilan tenaga (energy) akan melibatkan pembebasan haba.

I ambil jalan tengah, as I am a scientist I memang tak deny la apa yg doktor ni cakap. cumenye mungkin ia juga bergantung kepada individu itu sendiri. sebab setiap manusia ni unik kan? mungkin ada faktor lain seperti paras kesihatan kita secara umum, penyakit2 lain seperti diabetis ke, darah tinggi ke, sakit saraf/sendi, apa2 infection ke, apa2 lah... atau pun thap toleransi kita terhadap sesuatu bahan makanan - allergy etc. So still, ia bergantung kpd individu. I think seorang individu yg sihat wal'afiat (in general), tiada masalah untuk mengambil makanan2 yang sihat, bersih dan halal kerana tubuh badannya mampu bertoleransi dgn baik. Yang menjadi masalah adalah bila kita makan makanan yg tak sihat (preservatives, colouring, etc) atau tidak seimbang (cth terlebih herbs yg menyebabkan seseorang tak tahan -panas badan, cirit birit, etc atau lebih gula,garam etc). Jangan lupa pengambilan herbs/spices yang sihat juga boleh menjadi mudharat sekiranya ia diambil pada paras yg berlebihan atau tidak disertakan dgn gizi lain. So kalau nak selamat daripada terlebih ambil herbs/spices, yg pd awalnya mungkin boleh mengeluarkan angin dan melegakan badan, better la kita tidak lupakan nutrisi2 dari sumber yg lain.

Oh ye siapa cakap dalam pantang boleh makan APA SAHAJA? heheh... Dah awak sakit kan, kenalah jaga makan jugak...

Pantang pertama, kalau kita hidup memang ada alergik, so time pantang elakkan lah makan apa yang kita alergik tu. Contoh I tak boleh makan seafood macam udang and sotong, and setengah2 ikan macam ikan kembung. Kalau makan nanti naik gatal2. So time pantang I elakkan makan tu semua. Sesetengah orang alahan benda lain macam kerang, kekacang, etc. Up to individual.

I elakkan makan yang berminyak and kolestrol tinggi.. Ala, kesimpulannya, kalau nak tau makanan tu berkhasiat ke tak, makan macam kalau kita sihat tapi nak maintain diet seimbang and taknak gemuk.

Ada orang cakap elok makan ikan haruan ketika pantang esp czer sebab nak bagi luka cepat sembuh. I memang the first 2 weeks I makan ikan haruan je. Yg fresh lagitu! Maybe sebab kandungan protein dia very high kot. And I was told that ikan haruan ni dia ada 1 kelebihan. klu kita pancing dia, terlepas dari kail, dia boleh lompat masuk balik dlm sungai (susha mati). Mungkin due to very high protein content plus other hormones/enzymes yg ada pg ikan tu... Kalau korang dok ovesea makanlah ikan lain, takkan nak carik ikan haruan jugak. Susah kot. Ayam? Ayam pun sumber protein yg baik (daging putih kan). Tapi ramai orang tak bagi makan ayam sbb takut gatal ke apa. I think chicken is not the problem. I makan ayam hari ke3, makanan hospital. OK je.. tp maybe kalau betul ayam tu bg ruam ke, gatal ke apa, samada kita yg alergik ngn ayam, or ayam tu ayam suntik yg kita mungkin tak tahan dgn effect nya. Ayam kampung ok kot (ceruk mana nk carik?).

I think kalau orang cakap jgn minum ais, jgn makan pedas, jgn makan yang angin2, no harm kalau kita ikut. Sbb by nature pun memang those things are not good untuk kita consume. Ais, tak elok kan. pedas tu takut perut memulas kan susah nak ke toilet semua...baby pun kesian...*I ada pengalaman 2 kali demam sebab breast bengkak susu terlalu banyak sebab 1)I minum air sejuk-even no ais kat mcD 2) I gi tengok wayang ngn hubby masa hari ke 35 kot, panggung tu sejuk sangat and air pun sejuk that is why bengkak and demam. So it's a big NO for me on taking ice.hehe*

Other than that I tak berapa strict sangat. Generally, asalkan I rasa benda tu OK in term of nutrition, hygiene and taste of coz, I akan makan. Tapi I bukan nya main ikut suka je. I puas tanya my OnG specialist, and a few kawan2 yang doctor tentang apa yg boleh and tak boleh di makan. In fact, one of my friend, she's a doctor and time pantang dia makan kari ayam. Oh dia pun czer jugak. Hahaha.... I tak la makan kari ayam sebab tak suka kari, bersantan and susah kot nak masak kari ayam. Simple2 sudah.Hehe...

one of my fav during confinement: Pasta salad.

Tu bab makan... Bab berurut, bengkung and tungku?

I rasa tak salah. Asalkan kena pada cara. Yelah, bukan selalu dapat pergi SPA. Silap2 kalau tak bersalin tak dapat merasa orang urut2 badan kita. Tapi sesetengah doktor tak galakkan urutan yang menyakitkan. Sebab boleh jadi worse. Maybe ambil jalan tengah, urutlah tapi jangan yg sampai badan sendiri tak boleh take it. Boleh ke mcmtu? Hehe...

Bengkung ke tak pun bergantung. I masa 2nd day dah pakai girdle. And tell you what, rasa perut lagi ketat and secure. And paling penting kurang rasa sakit sebab kurang gegaran. Ini pun atas nasihat my OnG specialist. I rasa kalau nak mudah, tak payah la pakai yang kain ela panjang2 sape nak tolong ikatkan ye tak? zaman skarang ramai yang pantang sendiri jek, tak de dah mak bidan datang umah.... Pastu agak2 dah baik luka, pakai je korset kan senang. Hehe...

Tungku tu orang cakap nak bagi angin keluar. I tak sure. Tapi kalau nak buat sedap badan, rileks, memang OK lah...haha. Kan dah cakap time ni lah nak manjakan diri. Hehe...

Bab pakai pilis kat kepala, benda ni most ppl yang pakai cakap kepala rasa ringan sebab kurang angin. I dulu tak sempat carik so tak pakai. Tapi one of my problem masa dalam pantang dulu is memang I rasa angin kat kepala. Tak best. Hehe... My late grandma dulu, sapa2 sakit kepala dia memang akan buat pilis. My dad pun penah pakai pilis tu. Hehe...

Jamu and pil, some doctors mmg tak galakkan due to content dia sometimes tak jelas. And most docs and paeds tak bg ambil jamu kalau kita breastfeeding. Alah, I tak makan jamu pun Alhamdulillah sihat. Berat badan sama macam before pregnant. Kalau gemuk pn sbb suke makan malam2. Bukan sbb tak makan jamu. I lebih sayang anak daripada nak cantik. Hehe

So I rasa takde timbul isu tradisional or modern. I tak faham bila doktor cakap benda yang boleh dan tak, bila kita ikut cakap doktor ada jugak orang akan cakap "Doktor tu mana tau, dia modern" I terfikir jugak habis kalau doktor pun tak tau, even dia doktor pakar, so sapa lebih tau? takkan banker, takkan photographer? 

And biasa orang akan cakap time pantang kalau tak jaga betul2 nanti tua sakit2 badan. I totally agree. Silap2 lambat baik. Tapi 'jaga' tu dalam konteks yang betul lah. And kalau nak sihat, bukan time pantang 40-60 hari je kena jaga, pastu lepas pantang makan apa sahaja and tak bersenam. Bajet boleh sihat tubuh badan sampai umur 70 tahun? Silap2 sakit jantung... Point is, kalau nak sihat, kena jaga makan and lifestyle every day!

Kadang2 kalau kita buat kerja rumah time berpantang, orang cakap macam tak syang badan and modern. Tapi kadang2 orang yang cakap tu daripada bercakap apa kata tolong kita buat kerja rumah. Hehe... Kita pun suka kalau ada assistant ye tak. 

And I think ni bukan soal sayang badan atau tak. I think maybe kita beruntung sebab masyarakat kita ni jenis yang 'menjaga' and 'concern'. Tapi tak semua orang ada peluang nak manjakan diri betul2 time pantang. Life must go on maa. I just imagine kalau kita dok negara orang, takde sapa nak tolong sangat melainkan husband and closest friends, nak taknak kena buat sendiri semua kan? Cuma I think it depends on us la strategi apa nak guna untuk memudahkan kerja kita....

Instead, I sebenarnya rasa pelik kalau orang yang dah lepas 30 hari tapi masih tak boleh buat kerja rumah apa semua. I tak cakap I terer tau. Kalau u all baca my prev entries about my confinement, u all tau I pun serabut and kelam kabut time confinement. Tapi kita kena belajar jugak nak taknak. Tak boleh nak keep on blaming the situation. Once dah ada baby kecik, memang hidup berubah, masa takde...Tp bukan maksudnya mustahil utk buat apa yg kita nak... Kena kuat semangat sikit lah.

I teirngat masa I dalam pantang dulu my cousins in law datang visit and dorang kata dorang bajet masa masuk rumah I mesti ada bau orang bersalin and I duduk atas katil je. Sekali I rileks je macam tak bersalin... Hehe.. Ala, time tu dah week 3. Boleh la I berlagak terer sket. Hehe.. Lagipun memang dah boleh jalan and buat kerja... Kalau first week tu memang banyak duduk je lah.Hehe...

Apapun, like I said earlier, I bukan doktor and I tak expert bab ni. Ini cuma my sharing berdasarkan info yang I korek2 masa I berpantang dulu. Czer or normal, basic nya sama je. Yang beza maybe time of healing, cara menjada luke tu and few other small matters...Wallahua'lam...

Aaron 2 month old. Tembamnye time nih!

Simple guide on How to avoid post-partum depression

Pangkor Island, Aaron-5 month old

Salam,

Actually I was planning to post this entry but it came out like a longgggg essei about my confinement experience (my previous entry) so I decided to make it a separate entry...

Tapi these 2 entries are connected... So I post je kedua2nya sekali... Tunggu2 kang semua idea lari pulak. Hehe...

Post-partum depression or orang2 call it as gila meroyan is a famous term for post-delivery moms.

Sebab utama gila meroyan ni ada banyak, dan tak specific, tapi bila disimpulkan, ianya datang dari perasaan stress. Yes, depression.... And depression ni datang dari pelbagai latar belakang lah... Ada yang becoz kematian baby, some because she has nobody, and feel lonely, some because she couldn't take the burden and pain, etc...

Honestly, I was once consider myself as having a major depression, especially during my 1st weeks of confinement... And it happened during night time....Ada banyak sebab la...tapi memang depress sangat time tu... Sakit, susah, tak reti, tak faham, penat.... Banyak la fakor.

But Alhamdulillah, I sihat sampai la sekarang. stress tu perkara biasakan... tapi kalau tak tangani akan jadi penyakit... So, how to avoid it?

1. Remember Allah, always! this is very important and crucial... When you are in a tough situation, talk to Him... mengadu dekat Dia...

2. Recite Quran or anything that can make you feel closer to Allah... Biasa orang cakap time nifas takleh baca Quran kan? But ada perbezaan pendapat kat sini. But I don't wanna talk about that here, so the easiest way is just read the translation.

What I did was I read the translation and if I was in a very bad mood, I chose some ayat which talk about Seeking forgiveness, about asking for strength, etc... And during maghrib and before sleep, I'll recite a few short surahs to my baby so that he could hear it. The compulsary surah that I chose was Surah Al-Ikhlas, simply because I want Aaron to first, knows and loves his creator before anything/anyone else.

3. TALK! SHARE! It's totally normal to feel sad, mad and lost. Biaslah first time kan... So share what you feel to someone, anyone you could trust. Most importantly, talk to your spouse so that he knows what you feel and your condition... This is also important... pendam2 karang takut jadi bertambah teruk, kand meroyan pulak.... Just talk about anything that bother you; penat, sakit, tak larat, tak kuat... Anything...

4. Get yourself in society.... Have some activity with your friends, relatives, etc, even just a simple conversation... Why is this? Because it's not really healthy to keep youself alone in your shelter when you are depressed.

Ini mak orang ke apa ni? Ya rabbi! :)

5. Have a fresh air! Go and have a walk, a breath-taking scenery, or a short holiday...

6. Indulge yourself... subjective right? Just do whatever that would make you feel happier... As long as it is legal OK :0

7. Take it easy! It's OK if you couldn't do something perfectly, or you don't know about something. Remember, we are in a learning process. Nobody can scold you or criticise whatever you do that seems imperfect... Come on, you are still in a recovery mood right! - Don't force yourself too much

8. Seek help from other people... it's cool to ask someone else to take care of your baby for a while, or to do you a favor.... Just don't forget to thank them

9. Please take care of yourself.... The healthier you are, the better feeling you would have... Yela, tak sakit badan, kurang la sakit hati kan...

10. PLAN carefully so you can have an easier life!

- Prepare everything important before delivery : Baju, lampin ke apa, nursing pad, maternity pad, comfortable cloth, etc....

- When you are close to your due, you can prepare your food stock. Cook in a bigger portion, then store them in a container, and put them in your freezer... Make a few kind of dishes, and store them at a portion just enough for one meal... You can make a week or 2 stock and top it up later on.... Easy right! So you don't have to cook everyday. And don't worry about the nutrient. As long as you take care of the hygiene during the preparation, insyaAllah it should be fine... Bila nak guna, defroze je guna microwave or panaskan ats api...

What else?

Siapa2 yg ada pengalaman and tips to share?

IT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE, I know. But as muslims, we must have faith in Allah. Every dark cloud has a silver lining....  

Daddy Aaron punya keje! Ish ish ih

My early motherhood experience (confinement day)

Aaron Houdd day 7.. Jalan2 sebab bosan dok umah

Salam girls...

Being a mother especially for the 1st timer is somehow quite challenging. So many questions you ponder about but don't know how to find for the right answers, so many chores you have to do while you hardly get your butt off your bed, plus the little tiny one you have to take care of... Owh, sound very very stressful isn't it?

Of course you will feel content, blessed and happy for having your little one. But it's a normal feeling to get mad, being sad and dissapointed at some point. The mixture of feelings that blend together are incredible!

I'd gone through a great experience of 'early' motherhood during my confinement day. I was c-sected and as you know, it's not easy to bear the pain and the limitation of everything (walking, eating, coughing, etc). I was admitted for the 1st 3 days, and then was taken care by a nanny my hubby had hired for the next 7 days (my moms were also at home at that time). After 2 weeks of delivery, I'd gone back to my apartment, taking care of myself and my baby...and did everything on my own... Alhamdulillah my hubby was a great helper!

But the thing is, I felt lonely, difficult, and sometimes uncertain about anything. Not sure whether or not I was doing the right thing for myself and the baby....My hubby was a very busy working man he always back home late....

So, I have to be independent, and confident! All mommies want the best for their babies!

But it's easier said than done...

I cried a lot... especially at night... I feel tired, exhausted, frustated at things that I couldn't do nicely, and sometimes I felt like giving up.

But I did laugh a lot too. I enjoyed everything I did for my baby, even though it took away all my courage and effort. I mad at things I did wrong, but afterward, I laugh at those things, and started all over again, making sure I'd not repeat the same mistakes again.

I consider myself as a strong woman (just to credit myself...perasan la sikit. Hehe) because I manage to pass the confinement day, most of the time, all by myself. However, My family was a big supporter even though they couldn't be with me all the time. My mom used to visit me and her grandson during her lunch hour time. My dad was the top visitor in the list (to visit the grandson of coz. I was just secondary. Hehe)... And although I was all alone during my confinement day, but I was not left behind. I was surrounded by the people I love.... I couldn't do it if they weren't there for me!

Usually, people just highlight the good and happy thing for having a baby. Some people avoid talking negatives/bad things about it. They seem to ignore or buat2 tak tahu, with the reason "Ish, not nice talking like that!"... I used to share my problem and worriness with one of my friend and she said "Tak buleh cakap macamtu. Awak kena fikir yang baik2 ja. Semua ni dugaan. Biasa lah tu... Nanti kecik hati baby kalau dia tau..."

You know, it's totally OK to talk something not good if it help to ease yourself, especially to calm your heart.... Coz if you deny it, it'll make thing worse....

Because we are all human... We are not perfect. We are learning.

** My confinement style**

Day 4-10

-Time ni best sbb ibu cuti lagi. So xpyh buat keje rumah... jadi permaisuri jugak la. Hehe... Pas hari ke 5 mcmtu ibu dah keje so nanny pulak yg uruskan semua. Nanny ni org philipino yg revert, so xde mslah la dia masak apa pun I makan je...

-I sempat berurut,bengkung and bertungku manja dlm 5 hari jugak la... Nanny yg buat. Nanny dari SPA. I recommend klu nak urut sedap jgn amek dari spa. amek dari kampung....sbb I dpt urut kampung 3x je...pastu give up sbb badan sakit semua... tp mmg sedap la...

-Time ni paling I stress esp waktu malam sebab I xreti lagi nak sesuaikan diri. Pastu incision site sangatlah sakit lagi I masih amek painkiller lagi time ni... Nak gerak untuk tuka position susukan anak pun seksa ya ampun... Pastu malam2 nak gi toilet pun payahhhhh sangat rasa mcm nak gile gak la time ni... dengan my son yg jenis yg muntah banyak... (maybe pun sbb susu I banyak, dia main telan je pastu lebih dose, muntah). Hubby tolong, tp yelah, dia pun kepenatan kerja seharian, malam nk tolong wife lg...kekadang I xkejut pun hubby sebab xsampai hati...

- Biasa org cakap during pantang jgn kua rumah. Tp I xbolh. I bosan and bolh meroyan dibuatnya terkurung je dlm rumah. So I keluar... Visit makcik2, Lepak Mc.D teman adik2, lepak byk tempat la...tp I jaga pergerakan and tgk tempat la nak pegi...

Day 15 - 30

-Every day woke up early...

-Noon time dok depan pc guna internet

-Masa Aaron tido pagi around 10, I start masak untuk myself

-Masa Aaron tido after breastfeed tghr, layan Avatar all 3 seasons sempat habis during confinement :)

-Malam tak masak sbb hubby balik beli mkanan... I just ate whatever I cooked tghr for my dinner if hubby balik lewat sgt

-Buat keje umah time Aaron tido la....so biasa kerja separuh jalan and kena sambung bila next aaron tido time...

- Membasuh, memasak, mengemas, dan semua me yg lain diuruskan sendiri... Tp hubby memang banyakkkkk sangat tolong. tu yg tambah syang tu. Hehe... Mandikan Aaron quite challenging time ni sebab sakit operate pun masih tak pulih lagi... So nak dukung Aaron yg montel time tu, nak bongkok2 bagai, memang seksa jugakla...

Masa ni Aaron 3 bulan kot....

**My menu**

I makan semua makanan yg halal! syarat 1 je: Berkhasiat!

So x goreng2 and minyak2, no lemak2 banyak....

I amek banyak air....seriyes banyak! masalah, pee pee kerap. nak gi toilet seksa ya ampun... tp bagus minum banyak supaya kita tak dehydrate, susu pun banyak, badan pun sihat! PENTING NI.

I makan buah... takde istilah buah panas ke sejuk ke. I makan je. cuma kurangkan yg mana I tengok buat anak I kembung perut... tapi alhamdulillah sepanjang Aaron lahir sampai skang dia jarang kembung perut even I malas stoking kan dia... barut lagi la hampeh. sbulan je kot pakai...pastu tak muat dah semua...

I operate... so penting untuk amek protein supaya luka cepat sembuh... I makan byk ikan...tapi susu hanyer sket la... ayam and daging pn makan...masak je semua style! tapi I like steam sbb paling sehat!

Sayur is wajib seperti juga buah...

-- credit to Cik Iman, Dr. Ijan dan kawan2 lain yg byk berkongsi ilmu especially di dalam bidang perubatan dan kesihatan --

Aaron Houdd day 13