Here comes my whine. Any opinion?

Did I ever tell you that I'd purchased a broadband? Hehehe... (I'm telling you now).

We decided to have a broadband instead of the hotel wi-fi coz apparently the cost is a huge different. (180dhs per month for broadband vs 700dhs per month for wi-fi. A 700dhs is definitely too much!).

But yeah, that doesn't mean I have a total and full access of the internet. and you know why don't you? OK. Good :P... So, with a little time that I have to this internet world, I think I've to come out with a good strategy. which is? Herm.... Well, I don't know yet. But at least for now, I'm gonna share something and at the same time, maybe asking for something in return. Such as... an opinion, a suggestion... from you. Can I? :P

OK first.... Setelah hampir 3 minggu di sini (I seriously lost count on the days), we kinda have quite a steady life here. Steady doesn't mean great. It just... steady. I'm not as stumble as before, not as lost as the first week we're here. But I still don't feel home here. My bad. Huhu

And now the pressure of not yet getting in plan is accelerating. I know that having a toddler in the house plus taking care of the chores shouldn't be an excuse for NOT keepin' up yourself with your work. But I just don't get the rhythm yet, and it is more depressing that way. 

I've tried. But I know perhaps I haven't try my best... 

First, it's a huge mistake to come here without his stroller. Oh, what have we'd been thinking? And that cost us a new stroller for him. (and tetibe terasa pelik bila Aaron ada dua stroller. We even made a joke utk cepat2 tambah adik untuk Aaron so that baru nampak tak pelik kalau ada 2 stroller. Haha. seriously, nak tambah anak just becoz of ada 2 stroller? crazy!) Anyway, the stroller is quite nice if you're planning to buy one, maybe you can consider this...you can click on the link.

Second, We'd bought a few toys for Aaron. But he can stick to one less than a week. Precisely, within 2 days only. Haha... It's not that he would totally abandon the toys but you know, when kids lost their interest in something, they just don't really bother anymore. 

Third, I did try to do my thesis writing. But the most I can achieve is just about 3-4 complete sentences per day. And so far there were no new sentences. Just some corrections to the existing sentences. Urghhh.... The thing is, in writing we do need some flow. We need moments. You know, like you have to be in mood, so that you can really come out with good ideas. And you need to maintain the flow. Mood mesti di cari, I know. And we can't just say kita tak buat sesuatu sebab takde mood. That's a lame excuse, I know. But you see, in writing, we need flow, we need rhythm. Macam mana nak menulis kalau baru 5-10 minit baca article, baru nak digest the info and baru nak karang ayat, suddenly you have to stop. And when you come back later on, nak dapatkan balik moment yang hilang tu... Sometimes you have to start all over again. And scientific writing is not like blog writing (where I can simply ignore mistakes) Hehe...

Oh, even on something as simple as blogging, I took quite a long time to finish. Like for this entry, I paused 3 times, just to have Aaron back to sleep. (It's past midnight now. So imagine this during daytime when he is soooooo alive)... FYI, Aaron still bangun beberapa kali waktu malam untuk breastfeed. Macam baby.

Forth, I am sometimes losing the strength to provide quality time for my boy. The truth is, sometimes we just lie on bed, watching tv by him latching on me- for quite a long time. That's not what I really want. But sometimes that's the easiest for both of us. Sometimes I just too tired to play with him or to bring him outdoor. I'm tired for nothing... I'm just too tired for those. I am not a cool mother, you know. I can't stand tantrums (he rarely have tantrum, Alhamdulillah). I can't take too much clinging (yes, he does this most of the time). He is a manja kid by nature. And maybe I just not that cool as a mother. Maybe I put myself into a lot of pressure, that is why I end up with less patience. 

But after all, he's a really good kid. He is anak soleh. When I'm too tired of his antics, sometimes I just nag as if he could understand me. And when I ask him to say sorry, he'll quickly say "Showwy Ummi"... When he beat me with spoon (ouch, really hurt) or slop his meal over the floor instead of eating it, and when he knows he's caught red-handed, he'll come to me and hug me or kiss me or do whatever that he knows might gonna melt my heart. And my heart melts... Urhhh..... cepat cair la Ummi Aaron ni.... He's a good smart boy huh?

Anyway, I'm sorry if this entry appears to be some kind of a holler. I read about some tips on how to work at home with a kid around. Most people say you need discipline and routine. I totally agree with that. But than, I think I need to work on something else first. Or maybe I need something more specific...Life in here nowadays is quite different from back than. And I have dateline... Dateline... Dateline...

My situation is, I can't simply distract my child with toys. It just doesn't really work that way. And he'll ask me to come along with him wherever he goes, even to the living room, even to 10 steps ahead. And he wants laptop every time I on it. OK, let say the only time I have is when he is sleeping. But that only takes like an hour, and within that time, I've to do a lot other things too. So far, the only solution I have is to stay up at night. I did that twice, but than the next day, I passed out. Hehe... I became less cooler than I already was. Tak larat nak catch up! :P

So, if you have any experience, advice, or anything you can share..... you are most welcome!

He's a good boy. He just loves his Ummi more than anything else in his world.... 

(And I love you too boy.)