23 Month old Aaron Houdd

All myVi are Lola's car,
All NazaRia are Tok Dy's car
All black W11 are Daddy's car

He knows 1-10, but confuse between 6 and 9.
He knows shapes but only yed and yeyyow for colors. Yed, is his all time fav color :))

And every morning when he wakes up, standing still with both hands at his back, I can see how big he is right now, how tall and how charming he is... And every time I see that, I keep reminding myself that he's not a baby anymore....

He's not a baby anymore..... :)

The status of a muslim woman

When she is a DAUGHTER, she opens a door of Jannah for her father,

When she is a WIFE, she completes half of the Deen of her husband,

When she is a MOTHER, Jannah lies under her feet

"If only everyone knew the status of Muslim Women in Islam, even the men would want to be women" - Sheykh Akram Nadawi

- Credit to Daughter of Ibadallah via her FB status

New beginning and Parenting tips by Nouman Ali Khan

I know I'm gonna miss Dubai life (I miss the winter breeze, the comfy place we were staying, etc) But honestly, I don't really adore Dubai life as a whole. If I were given the choice to live in one of the countries that I'd visited, I'll choose Japan, EVEN THOUGH it's not an Islamic country. The only problem is the language barrier. hehe... (I should've post review entries about those countries that I'd visited in my other blog but my bad I couldn't make it. InshaAllah one day)

And now, I'm still catching up our new life here. I have to say new because this 2012 is the year full of new big plans and deadlines! :( Daddy Aaron will be leaving very soon and I've to get prepared.

Anyway, today is the first day Aaron Houdd stays with Onni. Till 11.34am this morning, he's refused to bathe. And I've called them 3 times in 5 hours just to check on him. So far, Alhamdulillah he's doing fine. Buli mama, Ibu and Ucu la tu.

Oh, lupe nak habaq, Aaron Houdd was suffered wif fever 2 hours before we arrived Malaysia. Ramai cakap tu sebab taknak balik ke apa tu. Hehe. And now, Alhamdulillah he's getting better- no fever, just coughing. But he has problem with night sleep, maybe still adapting himself with the new environment. (Yo yo je. Macamla lama sangat tinggalkan rumah ni. huhu)

Oh, actually I want to post this one parenting video by Nouman Ali Khan. I fell in love with his speech the first time I heard him. And this one video, is superb! he gives you info, facts, and also humor, all in one!

Let's enjoy!

As I watch this video, I instantly remember one conversation between my hubby and I, where he shared with me one surprising fact; Some muslim men (from some islamic countries) totally think that raising kids is mom's job. They don't even bother to know anything about their kids. Their excuse is because they have to work hard everyday to provide good living for the family. So the mother has to stay at home, take care of everything else the father doesn't do. They even say that in marriage, love only exists in the early years of marriage. After 2-3 years, especially when you already have kids, you don't really have to love your wife. As long as you are being responsible, you are doing your part already. They said that it's a wife's responsibility to love and care about you, to respect you no matter what. But it's not your responsibility to return the love. You are a man, you are superior than the woman!

And my hubby said it's normal for them (they make it as a culture) to spend their hours in the office, and spend more time with friends past the working hours. It's more like they are actually running away from their role as a father/husband..

And I was pissed off and directly ask my hubby, how many kids they normally have?

My hubby said, average is more than one. Some even have 4-5 kids.

U see? they know how to 'make' kids but apparently so ignorant to raise them.... Huh

* If only they know that in the Quran, Allah has mentioned more about fatherhood (relationship between the father and the children) than the relationship between the mothers and the children. 

Na'uzubillah. Moga kita menjadi ibu bapa yang cemerlang. Ameen :)

Oh by the way, there is one great point Bro Nouman has emphasized on; it's about patience. By giving the story of Prophet Ya'aqub and his children as an example, he has pointed out a very good fact on what we parents always forgot, or having it very least in our parenting skill... Indeed, great patience is always necessary in parenthood :)

Dilema ibu muda # 2

Najihah Azzahra & Aaron Houdd

Bergelar seorang ummi, Alhamdulillah banyak perkara I dah pelajari, samada dari pengalaman sendiri, mahupun dari sahabat2 lain yang se-title. Kalau di UM, bila para ibu2 berkumpul, mulalah macam2 cerita keluar tentang gelagat anak masing2. Lucu2 semuanya. Tak kurang jugak cerita tentang kekangan2 yang dilalui, yang sama2 boleh ambil iktibar dan sama2 saling nasihat menasihati... Alhamdulillah.

Teringat seorang kakak phD yang dah 5 orang anak (termasuk yang sedang dalam kandungan). I banyak bertanya tentang pengalaman dan macam mana dia handle situasi di rumah. Yelah, dengan anak, study, kerja, suami, etc... Katanya, mau jadi tarzan jugak kalau kat rumah tu. Maklumlah, anak membesar sama2, umur pun lebih kurang aje. Masing2 dengan keletah masing2... Akhirnya si ibu la yang menjadi tarzan. Haha. Agaknya bila Aaron Houdd ada adik nanti pun, I akan jadi tarzan jugak la kan. Hehe... 

Sebelum I pos entry ni, I ada bertanya kepada sahabat2 lain yg juga seorang ibu, tentang pengalaman mereka as young moms. Alhamdulillah, masing2 ada pengalaman tersendiri and kalau dikumpul2, semuanya bagi I refresh ilmu2 and skill parenting.

Daripada semua perkongsian yang I dapat, kesimpulan yang I boleh conclude adalah:-

1) Time management. All of the moms tekankan aspek ni. Kena ada plan and preparation so that kita tak la gelabah di saat2 akhir

2)Husband! - anak pun anak sama2, so nak menguruskan anak dan rumah tangga haruslah ada usaha sama dari kedua2 belah pihak. Alhamdulillah, bagi mereka yang dapat husband yang cukup understanding, not very demanding, and even helpful, anda patut bersyukur sebab tak ramai lelaki di luar sana yang berperangai baik begini. As of me, even my hubby selalu busy, tak banyak masa bersama kami, tapi my hubby cukup understanding. Alhamdulillah, I coudn't ask for more. And kepada suami2 di luar sana, sila lah share tanggungjawab mengurus anak dan rumah tangga dgn isteri. Isteri anda bukan orang gaji OK.

And kepada isteri2, jangan rasa segan untuk meminta tolong. Kalau kita minta tolong doesn't mean kita loser. And sometimes kalau suami bersama2 merasa kekangan yang kita rasa, barulah suami memahami situasi kita.

3) Body fitness- Badan kena sihat, supaya kita beroleh tenaga nak mengurus segalanya. Makan kena jaga, and sila exercise (I la pemalas ya amat nak exercise.hehe)

4) Mental/spiritual strength - Semuanya perlu bermula dengan keikhlasan dan keredhaan. You know, like when we redha and ikhlas buat apa yang kita buat, kita tak rasa benda tu seperti satu beban, in fact, kita rasa happy sebab dapat contribute kepada orang2 yang kita sayang.

How to gain kekuatan spiritual, kenalah banyakkan zikrullah, amalkan doa2, and rajinkan diri mendengar kuliah2 agama/parenting. inshaAllah, kita akan jumpa kekuatan.

* Sometimes kalau I penat atau mengada2 malas, I akan cakap ngn my hubby taknak buat something sebab kalau buat nanti tak ikhlas nanti tak dapat apa selain penat. Silap2 dapat dosa... Haha, terukkan excuse I. Tp my hubby tu ada je idea nak jawab. Nanti dia akan jawab "Kalau time2 macam ni awak kuatkan hati n gagahkan diri utk buat jugak, inshaAllah ganjaran nya berganda2. Takkan taknak?" I end up buat muka la apa lagi... Tapi biasanya memang dia akan tak bagi I buat sebab dia tahu I betul2 takde keinginan nak buat pd waktu tu. Hehe.

5) One of my friend Madihah, she shared one info yang orang lain tak sentuh lagi, which is kalau kena hantar anak pergi nursery, make sure kita kena pilih yang terbaik, so that tak banyak maslah timbul along the way, and hati pun tak rasa susah sentiasa, so dapatlah fokus time buat kerja. Biarlah susah macam mana pun, leceh macam mana pun nak memilih, asalkan hasilnya memuaskan.

Other than that, some of the stories membuatkan I muhasabah myself as a mom and as a person.

Like one of my friend Ummi, she's currently residing in Mesir. Melahirkan anak n berpantang juga di sana. Takde family, yang ada cuma suami dan sahabat2 lain. Sama2 masih menuntut. Cabarannya mesti hebat. Dengan kelas, exams, anak, program2 lain. So si isteri dan suami sama2 bergilir2 menjaga anak, juga membahagikan tanggungjawab dengan adil. Tapi Alhamdulillah, sekarang si kecik tu dah 2-3 tahun pun. Tinggal Ummi nya nak bagi adik je tu :D Sekarang pun katanya anaknya dah mula memahami si abi dan umminya sama2 masih pegang buku, sama seperti si anak. She must've doing great all the while. I hope to meet them one day.

One of my friend since matriculation (Shye), seorang career woman. Sometimes ada jugak kami ber YM and bertukar2 info tentang parenting, breastfeeding and child's education. Baby Ameerah pun dah besar dah sekarang dah pandai membebel2. And one precious thing yang she shared with me is that we can't do everything on our own. So jangan segan untuk minta tolong especially from suami. Also, it's good to share apa yang kita rasa kepada gang2 ibu yang lain. Selain daripada dapat release perasaan, untung2 dapat idea2 bernas :P

Baby Ameerah and her wonderful parents. 

My SIL pulak, dia ni kawen awal (Actually tak la awal mana. Sama je usia I kawen. 23). Walaupun dia adalah suri rumah sepenuh masa, tapi maybe cabaran dia is, belum pun  setahun kawen, anak dah lahir. Maksudnya kawen and terus pregnant. So she has to adapt nak jadi isteri and ibu almost the same time. And dalam family my in laws, mereka bukanlah biasa dengan surrounding yang ada anak kecik ni. Aaron Houdd was the only baby. Selama Aaron lahir pun mereka tak berkesempatan nak betul2 belajar tentang pengurusan baby. So my sister in law ni kira fresh jugak la kena belajar everything on her own. So, having a very understanding husband helps her a lot in many ways. And as many other moms, she read a lot too. So Alhamdulillah, sekarang ni baby Najihah Azzahra pun dah masuk 3 bulan, and I can't wait to see my little niece!

Another story yang a bit different is from my ex-collage mate, Hassanah, who at first, was being tested with her sick baby. Her baby had to stay in the hospital for quite long jugak la, hampir sebulan kalau tak silap. Some days, the baby's condition was critical. Baby masuk NICU. And she was so sad she couldn't breastfeed her baby macam yang orang lain buat. Tapi I love her positive aura. Of course kita tau dia mesti amat tertekan, sedih and macam2 lagi perasaan. Tapi most of her FB status were all encouraging- giving herself some kinda hope. Alhamdulillah, sekarang baby dah sihat walafiat. And she said, she see hikmah di sebalik semua dugaan ni. Ye la, disebabkan dia pun c-sect jugak, so even dia tak dapat nak direct bfeed anak, tapi dia dapat more rehat and heal herself even better. Kalau orang lain dengan sakit2 nak kena dukung anak, bangun malam2 buta susukan anak, dia tak perlu buat semua tu. And bila time baby Ihsan dah sembuh, Alhamdulillah waktu tu dia dah sembuh sepenuhnya daripada sakit bersalin. Stok susu pun dah bertimbun2.. See, she really has that positive attitude.

So, itulah contoh2 cerita2 first time moms yang mana each one has different situation, and mungkin cerita dan situasi kita ada tersangkut kat salah satu cerita di atas. But the basic is still the same. Everyone encounter stages of problems, both in marriage and parenthood, but as long as we keep our niat straight, stay focus and most importantly, REDHA dan IKHLAS, inshaAllah semuanya akan OK.

Before I end this entry, I want to share satu link yang sahabat baik I (wafa) bagi kat I as to share to us, the moms, sebagai satu muhasabah yang baik supaya kita lebih tabah dan bersemangat melaksanakan tanggungjawab kita as a wife, mom, daughter, and a human being.

p/s: Walaupun ada 1-2 points yang I kurang setuju, tapi overall it is a good reminder for us all.

Dilema ibu muda # 1

Houdd's first sandals

As a first time mom, I used to feel very out of control, rasa macam tak boleh nak manage kehidupan dgn baik, especially during critical time i.e baby meragam, tak sihat, etc.. Still sometimes, masih rasa macamtu. Tapi Alhamdulillah, selama almost 2 years ni, sikit2 I belajar. Lama2, hidup dah tak rasa susah sangat… Kalau susah pun still tak gelabah macam dulu.

And sedar tak sedar, selama I berada di perantauan ni, dalam masa yang singkat, sendirian dan banyak perkara perlu diselesaikan, diam tak diam sempat juga I habis baca 2 buah buku, hantar 1 chapter of my thesis, update my blogs and keep up with friends, update blog2 and video2 my xifu, educate Aaron Houdd, and do the daily chores (cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc)… Alhamdulillah, walaupun banyak hiccups along the way, tapi akhirnya I berjaya achieve most of my target (sepatutnya kena habiskan 1 lagi buah buku kalini by Tony Parsons pulak, and hantar 2 chapters of my thesis)

And looking back the prev years, Alhamdulillah I dah berjaya melalui fasa2 sukar sbg seorang new mom yg maybe sebelum ni I tak sangka I boleh hadapi. Tapi sampai sekarang pun, masih banyak lagi yg I perlu belajar dan improve.

Hakikatnya I bukan org yg hebat. Kadang2 kalau time tingtong tu, cermin mata pun boleh tertinggal. Lepastu monolog sorang2 kenapa kabur je, jerebu je pemandangan…. Kadang2 dah sampai lab, baru terperasan dalam beg ada barang2 Aaron. Pernah jugak tertinggal breast pump masa fasa mengepam dulu. Tak ke sepanjang hari stress dan sakit? 

Kalau kat Malaysia, rutin harian kalau datang lab, kalau keluar dari UM pukul 5.30pm pun, maghrib baru dapat jumpa Aaron. Tu kalau balik awal lah. Kalau naik 1 kereta tu, standard je dekat tengah malam baru sampai rumah. Selalunya Tok Daddy akan call tak payah ambil Aaron lah sebab dah malam sangat. Tu belum kira kalau kena datang UM weekends untuk setlekan kerja. Kalau I tak ke lab pun, maybe my hubby pulak dengan kerja2 dia. Kadang2 kitorang bawak je Aaron sekali. So masa kat Malaysia, weekdays I memang jarang masak, kecuali utk Aaron.  My hubby yang keluarkan titah macamtu. Dah nak masak apa kalau sampai rumah pun dekat pukul 10-11pm? And kadang2 kitorang ngelat makan kat rumah Tok Daddy dulu before gerak balik :D

Tu belum kira keadaan rumah. Kadang2 tu rumah bersepah sampai rasa menyampah nak balik. Rasa macam nak pindah rumah terus. Baju kadang2 mau sebakul dua berlonggok tak berlipat. Sampai almari lengang je. Kalau time2 mcmni, janganla ada barang hilang, memang tak jumpa kalau nak carik. Bukan sengaja nak bertangguh kerja (tipu. Memang sengaja). Tapi kalau time sampai rumah tu nak solat Isyak pun rasa dah tak larat, jangan lah cakap nak lipat baju ye tak :P

Bila dah bergelar ibu, semua sedia maklum yang time management kena sangat power! Kalau tak, memang kelam kabut la awak nak siapkan semua. Boleh jadi haru biru rumah tangga! Ada sesetengah perkara yang boleh kita tangguh, tapi ada sesetengah perkara tu kalau kita bertangguh, boleh membawa padah. Bila dah jadi ibu, otak kena fikir dengan cepat. Paling penting, kena pandai fikir priority. Strategi pun kena power jugak supaya kita boleh jimat banyak masa untuk sesuatu perkara, dan boleh buat lebih banyak kerja dalam satu masa.

Here are some strategies yang I buat untuk memudahkan kerja and jimat masa.

1.       Kalau memasak, prepare stok mana yg boleh. Supaya bila nak masak tu terus capai2 je. Kalau dalam pantang dulu sometimes I akan masak 2-3 jenis hidangan, and satu2 hidangan utk 2-3 portion, and letak dlm freezer. Bila nak makan I just thaw je and heat up the food. So utk hari tu jimat masa utk memasak. Boleh buat kerja lain. Sebenarnya I bukan jenis yang boleh makan lauk yg sama utk lunch and dinner, apatah lagi utk 2 consecutive days. So samada I akan have a simpler lunch/dinner, or selang2 hidangan tu.

2.       Bab chores, I memang lembap skit bab mengemas ni. Paling benci nak sidai baju. Dahla I ni rendah, ampaian tu tinggi. Benci! And the reason I sengaja tangguh lipat baju is sebab I tak boleh tahan hari2 lipat baju. My strategi is weekend paksa my hubby vacuum 1 rumah, kalau tak I merajuk! Haha. Bab mengemas ni I memang kurang strategi la, tu pasal rumah sepah. Yela, kemas2, nanti time Aaron main, sepah balik (Aaron jugak yg jadi mangsa.hikhik)

3.       Bab kerja, memang I akan study dulu benda apa I nak buat esok hari, supaya I tak amek masa lama untuk siapkannya. Takla dah sampai lab baru nak baca, baru nak paham. Kalau ada benda I tak tau, I akan tanya siap2 kawan I, minta tlg dorg tunjuk ajar sume, thn baru I prepare everything and buat kerja. A few of my labmates memang dah maklum dah yang I jenis yang buat beberapa labworks dalam masa yg sama (ehem, multitasking la konon). Alhamdulillah so far lab tak pernah terbakar, cuma bila I balik rumah memang rasa nak pengsan!

4.       Reading time is masa breastfeed Aaron ke, before tidur, gap in between work, masa tunggu train klu naik public transport-bila waktu senggang. Tapi Alhamdulillah masa tu memang ada je kalau kita pandai carik. Macamtu jugakla time berfacebook and berinternet… Cuma time writing thesis agak sukar nak ber multitasking dgn Aaron sebab focus dia kena lain sikit. So biasanya time tak boleh tidur, time Aaron tgh mandi/main. Tengokla, time bila yang rasa sesuai. Huhu…

5.       I tergolong dalam kalangan orang2 yang boleh menaip dengan laju tanpa melihat keyboard. Cuma my language skill problem banyak. Haha. So tak guna jugak ek kalau terer menaip tp tak tau apa nak type. Haha. But seriously, soft skills ni memang bnyk memberi kemudahan n mempercepatkan kerja. Bab writing blog ni, I jarang draft. Biasanya I tulis2, syok sendiri, lepas tu publish. Tu yang bila dah publish baru perasan banyak grammer error. Haha. Tp kadang2 mmg klu either tgh menggatal nak menulis banyak, or tgh tulis2 tiba2 Aaron minta perhatian, I akan draft my entry… Ada masa baru publish. Still, I tak ambil masa lama sgt utk update blog sebab biasanya apa yg I nk tulis tu dah drafted dalam otak (kadang dah basi pun). I masukkan update my blogs as one of my responsibility sbb I dah ada blog, so I kena jugak la isi. It’s a commitment… part org baca or x tu belakang kira.

6.       Any voluntary work, kalau within UM area biasanya I akan buat time lunch, atau after opis hour. Luar dari area UM, biasanya weekends lah…  but I prefer buat weekdays supaya weekend I boleh spend more time with family. Otherwise, apa lagi bawak je la Aaron.

However, I korbankan banyak masa utk diri sendiri sebenarnya. Dan inilah sebenarnya dilemma yang dialami oleh para ibu2 sekalian alam: masa utk diri sendiri. I makan, mandi dan memasak sangat cepat and ringkas. Nak sikat rambut pun kadang2 tak teringat. So nak berlosyen2 badan dan muka apatah lagi lah kan. I tidur average 4-5 jam sehari.  Dan itupun bukanlah tidur yang berkualiti. Aaron akan terjaga atleast 2x utk bangun breastfeed. Macam sekarang ni kat Dubai, nama aje housewife tapi tak de makna nak nap time nya. Memangla sejak anak dara lagi I ada sleeping problem. Ala2 minor insomnia la gitu. Tp problemnya sekarang, kalau Aaron tidur awal, atau Daddy Aaron tolong jaga Aaron and suruh I rest and tidur pun, mata dok terkebil2 tak tau nak tidur. Banyak sangat benda I fikir. Entah apa2. Really stressful tau. Ditambah dengan continuous severe backpain yg I alami, sampai my hubby pun takes it seriously and ingat nak refer to doctor.  

Sometimes, I demand time utk diri sendiri, sibuk tak puas hati ngan hasben sebab everyday I jadi orang pertama yang bangun and orang terakhir yang tidur… Tapi bila fikir2 balik, takla teruk sangat pun. Maybe time utk diri sendiri dalam kamus seorang ibu bukanlah ertinya boleh pergi spa hari2, tengok wayang, lepak2 dgn kawan. U know, benda yang sometimes kita rindu nak buat. Tp time utk diri sendiri dalam erti kata seorg ibu tu ialah bila mana kita happy and ikhlas buat apa yg kita buat setiap hari, especially bila melihat gelagat anak/suami yg lucu. And bila suami ajak jalan, even hanya 2-3 jam seminggu, itulah masa terbaik yg kita boleh dilayan seperti seorang permaisuri. Bila anak takde, reti pulak nak rasa rindu…

Apart from that, it’s teamwork between us as a life partner. I may be considered as the lousiest wife in the world sebab jarang masak untuk hubby, kadang2 breakfast hubby pulak yang tolong buatkan air milo untuk I and bakarkan roti. Baju pun sometimes dia tolong basuh n sidai. Tu belum cerita kalau I stress bernanah la telinga hubby untuk dengar luahan emosi terlampau I. Tapi my hubby memang cool je. I rasa, semua wife kat dunia ni akan rasa dirinya dihargai sekiranya suami sentiasa di sisi dan memahami tanggungjawab yang kita pikul sebagai seorang isteri, ibu dan whatever label yang kita pegang.

And last but not least, I am so thankful to have such a very understanding families, from both sides. Especially my family, diaorang tak pernah berkira nak tolong I tengokkan Aaron Houdd. Sometimes lagi diorang suruh tinggal je Aaron kat situ kalau we have a tight schedule. My sisters, even they are still school age, tapi dah biasa cebokkan poo-poo Aaron, mandikan and tidurkan Aaron. That’s why Aaron tak menyombong dengan diorang. Not just hanya nak main dengan Aaron time si kecik tu comel and bersih je, tapi my sisters tak kisah pun time Aaron comot. I guess that’s how the genuine bond appears.

Houdd (10mths old) & Lola... comot no anak Ummi! :)

Before I end my entry, ada satu lagi perkara yang tak kurang pentingnya selain dari pengurusan masa- kekuatan emosi. Pergh! Yang ni I rasa memang super important la. Kena sentiasa hebat di dalam mengendalikan emosi terutamanya bila dalam keadaan genting (contoh: anak meragam, kerja banyak, perut lapar, penat, dan suami takde – dalam masa yg sama) Terutamanya bagi ibu2 yang bekerjaya, atau yg suami selalu takde, atau yang ada anak kecik2 berderet. Tapi selagi kita cool, banyakkan zikrullah, inshaAllah everything will be fine. And I believe setiap dari kita punyai pengalaman berbeza2 and approach tersendiri in adapting ourselves in this parenting world. That’s why a mother is the strongest person in the world J InshaAllah, kalau kita ikhlas, banyak ganjaran yang Allah janjikan (Termasuklah bila si anak menyayangi kita melebihi segala yang lain).

Untuk meringankan hati dan mententeramkan jiwa agar kita ikhlas melakukan segala tanggungjawab yang diamanhkan oleh Allah, jom kita baca hadith di bawah:-

Kemuliaan seorang ibu:-

Seorang sahabat bernama Jahimah R.A datang menemui Rasulullah S.A.W, meminta pandangan baginda untuk ikut serta di dalam sebuah ekspidisi jihad.

Rasulullah bertanya: "Adakah kamu masih mempunyai ibu?"

Jahimah menjawab: "Ya"

Sabda Rasulullah: " Tinggallah bersamanya kerana sesungguhnya syurga terletak di bawah tapak kakinya" - Hasan Sahih: Dikeluarkan oleh an-Nasai dah dinilai hasan sahih oleh Al-Albani dalam Sahih Sunan an-Nasa'i. Hadith no: 3104 (Kitab al-Jihad, bab kelonggaran daripada berperang bagi orang yang memiliki ibu)

Kemuliaan seorang wanita solehah terhadap syurga Allah:-

Rasulullah bersabda: "Jika seorang wanita itu mengerjakan solat 5 waktu, berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan, memelihara kehormatannya dan taat kepada suaminya maka akan dikatakan kepadanya masuklah ke dalam syuga dari pintu mana sahaja yang engkau suka"- H. R Ahmad & Tabrani. 

Rasulullah bersabda lagi di dalam hadith yang lain: "Sebaik-baik wanita adalah yang menyenangkan (suami)-nya jika ia melihatnya, mentaati (suami)-nya jika ia memerintahnya dan ia tidak menyelisihi (suami)-nya dalam hal yang dibenci suami pada dirinya dan harta suaminya.’” (HR. Ahmad, al Hakim, an Nasa’i dan ath Thobrani dan di Shohihkan oleh al Albani).

 * inshaAllah, next entry pasal dilemma adalah sharing from the other fabulous moms.

The sound of Aaron Houdd

Specially dedicated to Houdd's crazy aunties yang always ask me to upload more and more videos of him. As if I have nothing else to do :D

P/S: Aaron Houdd now is 22 months old, another couple of months to turn 2! 

A little rambling

I should have been sleeping by now. Our flight to Oman is just in 7 hours ahead. Instead, I'm busying myself with the laundry, some cleaning, and this :p. It's half past midnight already and my hubby is still somewhere outside there in the cold winter breeze, keeping up with his work.

Aaron Houdd is not sleeping well tonight, he keeps changing positions every now and then. It's just about 3 hrs he's been sleeping but he has woken up 3 times for breastfeeding. Oh boy.

Nothing much in this entry. Nothing beneficial out of this entry. If you happen to read this, I'm sorry for taking your precious time...

I just feel a wee bit sappy yet very ecstatic with our trip tomorrow. Something big is gonna happen very soon (next year, few more days only) and this is considered a first-small-empirical step for our future. I hope we gonna love this place, The Sultanate of Oman, another gas-rich GCC country.

Other than that, especially for our future as one blissful family, I pray to Allah to keep showers his blessing to us. We are doing great these four years, and wish more happiness to come the years ahead.

Oh... I've been thinking to change my blog template and font. I don't know, maybe to something more mature? hehe... I love this font but herm... been using this for more than a year already. No particular design in my brain yet, for sure I love originality and hope to come out with something unique and suit my personality (and my boy, of course)... My hubby will just happy with whatever outcome. He's a 'good' supporter on something less important like this - Like 'oh God, can't we just use any color or font that people can read?' :) But maybe not now. Nah, still very busy for something like this- not in the priority list. We'll see when I can spare some time for this.

OK, time's out. Better continue my packing and finish the chores before my hubby returns home. Hehe

Till then,
Night night, and sleep tight friends!

Marriage problems

Like any textbook you read about marriage, I'd like to claim that every couple has their own problems. Normally, problems occur based on environmental factors and attitudes, so each couple may undergo different major marriage problems from the other. However, one problem may intersect with another, especially if the particular problem is not solved properly….

Some couples have problems with their financial. Like mentioned in my previous entry, financial issue, if not being properly managed, can lead to marriage issue. And I’ve heard many stories (and watched many movies) showing the effect of financial problems to a marriage.

 Some couples experience intimacy problems. Either one party feels overburdened, unappreciated and unheard, or the other party has problem to manage supremacy. In depth, believe it or not, sexual intercourse is among the top that contribute to marriage problem. I’m not sure about other races, but we Malay often feel very hard to talk about sexual intercourse. It is like a taboo to disclose this issue, let alone to share problems or doubt, even for improvement purposes.

After a long journey of marriage, some people may feel tired or sick of their spouse. Everything seems overdramatic. What used to be important is no longer seems important.  On the other hand, some couples always fight over the demand of more time they should’ve spent together. Strange but truth, often the little time they have together is spent for fighting and quarrel of how much more time they need.  

Some people have problems with the in laws. Amongst all problems could arise in marriage, this one is the most wretched! How pity when marriage ought to unite people does the opposite. I’m neither pointing finger to the mother, nor to the child (often happen to daughter) in law. I just feel so sad at this kind of situation because it involves many parties, not just the husband and wife, thus makes this problem more complicated than the other, and may be the hardest to solve. I really hope we are exempted from this kind of situation.

Some may have problems with their distance. It’s a norm nowadays that young married couples practice long distant relationship (LDR), and the most well known reason is because of career.  Some people that I know object to this kind of relationship for whatever reason may be, you know, like they say, what’s the point of marriage if you can’t be together? My hubby dislike this kind of impractical relationship (according to him), because of many factual reasons, but I think the most underlying reason is that he can’t bear to be apart from me, but so sad we will be among those couples who have to deal with LDR for the next few months.

I was once really against this long-distant relationship because it’s very hard to maintain a good relationship in such a way. Lack of intimacy, lack of information and connection, lack of communication, lack of sharing… All can pilot too many misunderstandings. And misunderstanding is no good in marriage. (Bear in mind, this is about marriage, not pre-marriage relationship)

But truth is, distant is not the main problem. What’s the point of having someone in front of you but is not really with you? What’s the point of existence if it’s merely physical? Now, I’m getting to understand how some people can bear long distant relationship… (Still will be my last resort).

For whatever reason of the problems, there must be solutions. It is just the matter of how we’re gonna find for the solutions, as a team, for the sake of the marriage itself.

I am not a marriage expert, as I myself experience many problems through our marriage journey.  I have to admit our marriage problems mostly involve our time as a family. As many of my friends can enjoy daily routine with their spouse, we’re lack in this…

But one thing I am sure, communication is very important. Without good communication, no matter how close you are with each other, problems can’t be solved properly. The indication may vary to each couple. You may fight the whole night, wailing like crazy, or maybe sit together for hours, whichever suit you, but the whole objective is to make sure everybody is being heard, respected and at the end, the problems can be solved. If you still have barrier, maybe a kind of hidden shield that avoid you from being vocal, there’s always other options. You can write letter, email, sms, or maybe leave a voice mail? Anything, as long as you create a healthy communication out of it. Avoiding problems isn’t a good choice, and it could even make thing worse for the long run.

I’ve learnt a lot about marriage and family my entire life. I’ve seen various cases. The best conclusion I could make is, if there’s will, there’s way. You may face the oddest kind of problem in your marriage but hey, it’s your marriage, so it’s up to you whether or not you want to make it work.

And always be thankful for what we have. Muhasabah is the best thing we should do, so that we know what to improve and to remove. We can be the reflection to each other, reminding each other to be a better person…  Yes if you’re married, you knew that we can expect repetition of quarrels. Perhaps the exact same things will reappear for the next ten years. But take it positively. We feel exhausted and annoyed, but maybe that could be our reminders to stay being good. Otherwise, that is our identity of who we really are as a couple!  :P

Oh I read this one article in SuhaibWebb regarding problem in marriage due to distance. Heh heh... This website has column for relationship, and it's very amazing. Please click here to go to the story. 


*the broken egg was taken from here 

* the secret jar was taken from here

Merancang kehamilan, cara mana?

Tajuk kali ini adalah tentang MERANCANG KEHAMILAN...

Tajuk ni dah berkurun lama I draft dalam otak. Konon nak mencari mood sesuai tapi biasalah mood selalu tak datang and I bukanlah seorang yang sangat kuat daya ingatan so akhirnya I buat la mood sendiri untuk discuss topik ni...

So, pasal apa dengan MERANCANG KEHAMILAN ni?

Nak dijadikan cerita, during my last check up with my gynea almost 2 years ago, Dr. just check my incision site, my uterus condition and my general health condition je. And I ingat 2 perkara yang Dr cakap 1) My incision site cantik and dah boleh pakai bikini pun 2) My uterus and health condition pun dah ok and kalau nak preggy lagi right away pun dah takde masalah... (What? right away?!)

And di dalam meeting tu sebenarnya Dr discuss pasal family planning. Dr terangkan tentang cara2 untuk merancang kehamilan. Ada a few cara termasuklah IUD, diaphragm, vasectomy, implant, condoms and withdrawal.

Basically, ramai pasangan menggunakan cara withdrawal untuk mencegah kehamilan. Withdrawal ni cara mudahnya is melakukan ejaculation di luar vagina. Cara ni paling zero cost. Tapi dalam masa yang sama it is very risky and less effective. Accodring to my gynea, pre-ejaculation juga mengandungi sperma yang cukup banyak untuk menyebabkan kehamilan. Kalau biasa dengar kes orang cakap dia buat 'family planning' but tiba2 si isteri pregnant and mereka cakap 'accident', mostly sebab mereka menggunakan cara ini.... So kesimpulannya, kalau rasa memang tak nak pregnant lagi and perlu menjarakkan kandungan, janganlah guna cara ini.... 

Kalau kondom pulak, lebih kurang 78% sahaja effectiveness of using condom as birth control. Sebab, kita tak boleh sure 100% yang each and every condom yang digunakan adalah tidak rosak. And kebanyakan pasangan juga tidak berapa menyukai penggunaan kondom. 

Mengikut suggestion Dr, kalau muda lagi, better tak payah ber IUD and Diaphragm bagai. Yela, kan ada plan nak baby lagi kan. Benda alah tu semua mahal dan sakit dan biasanya untuk orang yang memang takmo baby dah. Kalau macam implant tu pula boleh mengundang problem kepada produksi susu. Siapa2 yang masih menyusukan baby tak digalakkan buat implant, takut susu tak keluar. Tapi ia bergantung juga kepada individu.. So cara paling effective dan senang untuk orang muda yang nak TEMPORARY planning sahaja adalah dengan mengambil BIRTH CONTROL PILL.

Cara ni mudah sebab bila kita nak planning ambil je pil tu, and bila rasa dah sesuai untuk pregnant lagi just stop taking the pill. Cumanya yang susah adalah untuk orang yang tak reti disiplin macam I sebab pil ni kena diambil hari2 pada waktu yang konsisten! 

And birth control pills ada berjenis2. But for a breastfeeding mom, pill yang selamat digunakan dan tidak mengganggu production susu dan nutrisi baby is  NORIDAY. And ia boleh didapat di pharmasi2 berdekatan rumah anda....

Bila orang tanya I, I akan jawab dengan jujur yang yes, I was taking the pill. Kebanyakan muka yang respon memang agak mengerikan as in taking pill is not safe and cause many side effects. Antara side effect yang famous adalah nanti jadi gemuks and lepas stop pill takut terus mandol (ayat mudah paham la tu ekk). In fact, sometimes seriously cara dorang respon as in I buat salah besar.

Actually pill zaman sekarang ni kebanyakannya safe from those side effects. Biasalah setiap benda yang artificial mengundang side effects. So does this pill. Antara side effectnya adalah peod yang tak teratur (untuk Noriday but for some other pills like Jasmine, the menstrual cycle is fine), sometimes boleh dizzy, and it is stated that some pills can increase the risk of breast cancer. But the risk is only there during the time we consume the pill. Bila kita stop ambil ubat tu, there's no more risk of getting breast cancer. And juga boleh mempercepatkan kadar stress... Yela, pill2 ni semua berkaitan hormon kan. Maka ianya bergantung kepada individu juga on how our body tolerate with the medication.

Tapi ada juga beneficial effects from the pill. Antaranya adalah mengurangkan risiko vaginal infection (sebab mucus akan jadi agak pekat kalau ambil pill so kurang infection), kurang risiko cervical cancer and kurang risiko pregnant la apa lagi. Hehehe...

Apa2 pun, before taking any medicine, kita kena tau adakah kita mempunyai penyakit lain atau alahan atau makan ubat lain yang boleh contra indicate dengan pill ni. Tu yang penting sebenarnya. Sebab I think kalau kita normal sihat, inshaAllah takde apa... So silalah mendapatkan konsultasi daripada doktor2 bertauliah untuk menentukan cara mana yang sesuai dan pill apa yg terbaik utk kita (sekiranya mengambil pil).

As for me, pengalaman mengambil pil ni selama dekat setahun jugak la, I takde apa2 masalah kegemukan (OK, klu I gemuk pn sebab I yang suka teman hasben makan malam2 pastu terus tidur and malas excersice, so jangan nak salahkan pill). I jugak tak mengalamai stress yang melampau sampai kena jumpa psikatrist. I jugak masih menyusukan budak kecik-besar tu sampai sekarang. Cuma yes, my menstrual cycle agak problem...

Kesimpulannya, semuanya masih di dalam kawalan... Alhamdulillah.

Tujuan I cerita tentang benda alah ni semua bukanlah nak promote family planing or any birth control pill. I cuma rasa yang masyarakat sekarang masih skeptik terhadap pengambilan pil atau alatan lain bagi merancang kehamilan. Kebanyakan orang masih rasa benda ni is like cerita dalam kain yang very personal and hanya hasben and wife je boleh share. Sebab survey mengatakan bahawa masyarakat kita masih segan silu untuk bertanya tentang hal2 begini, dan masih takut untuk mencuba cara yang lebih advance daripada natural way (withdrawal). Tapi dalam masa yang sama, perkara ni sepatutnya bukanlah perkara asing di dalam zaman modern sekarang ni sebab masalah rumah tangga, masalah sosial dan banyak masalah lain berhubung kait dengan isu2 macamni... Apatah lagi, jika anak yang kita pregnant kan tu dikatakan sebagai 'anak accident'.... Kan tak molek tu.

Wallahua'lam...

Doa seorang ibu

Sebelum I buka lembaran thesis yang memeningkan kepala, I'd like to spend approx. 5 min to share one thing yang sebenarnya dah amat femes di kalangan kita: Kata-kata seorang ibu adalah sebuah doa.

Dari kecil, kita orang Islam memang sinonim dengan adab terhadap orang tua. Kita dah biasa dengar yang anak kena respect parents, no matter how. Satu ayat yang popular kita dengar adalah ayat dari surah Al-Isra' ayat 23 yang bermaksud:

"Dan tuhanmu telah perintahkan, supaya engkau tidak menyembah melainkan kepadaNya semata-mata, dan hendaklah engkau berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa. Jika salah seorang dari keduanya, atau kedua-duanya sekali, sampai kepada umur tua dalam jagaan dan peliharaanmu, maka janganlah engkau berkata kepada mereka (sebarang perkataan kasar) sekalipun perkataan "Uf", dan janganlah engkau menengking menyergah mereka, tetapi katakanlah kepada mereka perkataan yang mulia (yang bersopan-santun)"

Itu adalah tuntutan dan tanggungjawab seorang anak terhadap ibu bapanya.

Tapi perlu kita ingat, pendidikan awal datang dari rumah, di bentuk oleh ibu bapa itu sendiri. Sebagai ibu bapa, kita pasti berharap yang anak-anak akan sayang dan hormat pada kita. Tapi semua itu harus dimulakan oleh ibu bapa itu sendiri. Ibu bapa yang perlu mengajar anak bagaimana caranya untuk berkomunikasi dengan baik dan saling hormat menghormati.

Sebagai contoh, kalau kita tak mahu anak menengking kita, maka janganlah amalkan tabiat tengking menengking di dalam rumah. Apatah lagi menggunakan kata-kata kasar dan tak sesuai di dengar. Amat malu sekiranya seorang ibu/bapa itu sendiri yang mendedahkan kepada anak perkataan2 yang tak sedap di dengar dek telinga.

Apatah lagi, kata-kata seorang ibu/bapa itu adalah satu doa.

Dari Abu Hurairah beliau berkata, bersabda Nabi Muhammad Shalallahu `alaihi wassalam, “Ada tiga doa yang tidak diragukan lagi akan dikabulkan, yaitu doa orang yang terzalimi, doa orang yang sedang safar (bepergian), dan doa orang tua terhadap anaknya.” (Ash Shahihah 596, hasan)

Ibu bapa hendaklah bijak memilih kata-kata yang baik, sekalipun dalam keadaan marah atau gurauan. Selain daripada doa, kata-kata yang datang dari ibu bapa memberi kesan yang besar di dalam hidup anak2. Cuba bandingkan jika kawan kita cakap "Kau ni bodoh" dengan jika ibu sendiri yang cakap. Mana yang lebih memberi kesan psikologi?

Menjadi trend sesetengah orang muda, suka menggunakan bahasa yang so-called cool, yang kadang2 mendatangkan maksud yang tak baik. Begitu juga tabiat mencarut yang dirasakan tak apa. Kebanyakannya akan beranggapan mampu berubah bila dah punya anak. Tapi kita sendiri tahu yang sesebuah perkara, jika sudah menjadi tabiat, amat sukar untuk diubah....

Kebanyakan ibu bapa suka membuat kesimpulan tanpa perhitungan. Mana yang dilihat depan mata, itulah yang diambil kira. Sedangkan tak semestinya apa yang dilihat tu sama seperti yang kita sangka. Menghukum anak berdasarkan kesimpulan mudah adalah satu tabiat yang negatif di dalam parenting. Sedangkan masa kita kecil dulu pun, kita tak suka kalau kena hukum tanpa usul periksa, apatah lagi jika kita tak salah. Tapi bila dah jadi ibu/bapa, kita buat perkara yang sama kepada anak2 kita.... Ini juga boleh memberi kesan negatif terhadap anak.

Jika kita datang dari latar belakang keluarga yang saling bertukar2 kata2 kasar, maka kitalah yang kena mulakan langkah baru, supaya anak kita dan generasi seterusnya tidak meneruskan tradisi keluarga yang negatif begitu. Daripada menuding jari kepada nasib dan keadaan, lebih baik menggunakan anugerah Allah, akal, untuk menilai buruk baik sesuatu perkara....

Sebuah perkara yang amat biasa kita dengar, yang kita sudah sedia maklum, tapi kadangkala perlu ada peringatan supaya tidak dilupakan :-)

Wallahua'lam

One undeniable thing I'd learnt in parenthood is, to always improve myself in order to educate my child. 

Beza antara kentut and coklat

Say Cheese! or rather eat cheeseee!

Sorry for the improper title... tak senonoh la Ummi Aaron ni...hehe...

I'd told you that Aaron can now articulate some words...Right?  Even so, not all words he can pronounce correctly.

For instance,

He refers fart as 'kotot'
and chocolate as 'kocot' (maybe chocolate tu dah jadi terbalik ke cocholate, with easier pronunciation)

Sometimes.... we got confuse between the two :)

So when he says "Daddy kotot', we got confused whether he is telling us whether the daddy is farting or he wants chocolate - He never admit he ever has kotot. He'll accuse somebody else, normally the daddy :P

Way to go Aaron Houdd! :-)

Amateur

ni la ketua nya rupanya.... Daddy & Son...

Canggih tuuuu!

Life is short

He's a big boy now.... with rambut angry bird.

I made a phone call to my bestie last few night. No particular reason, just to have some chat. In return, I’d been told one bad news- one of my ex-schoolmate passed away because of dengue.

She used to be my classmate for 2 years. We were prefects and we used to go to meetings together. I used to be quite close to her but not that really, really close, as I didn’t really stay close to anybody during my form 4 & 5, except for my few (crazy) girls (up till now-blessed! :P)

But what makes me couldn’t forget about the news was the fact the she’d left 2 very young children. We were married the same year (but apparently many of my friends who were married at the same year or even later, have had more than one child J)… And I think their youngest child is as the same age with Aaron Houdd.

That… was the point that I couldn’t stop thinking about the news. I couldn’t sleep that night, and in fact I was whimpering on my hubby’s shoulder for quite long. He knew me so well already that he didn't even ask why I took the news so personally.

And I stayed awake almost the whole night, cuddling, kissing and studying my dear son.

I just couldn’t stop thinking…. That it could have been me. It could have been me…

I know everybody will die anyway. And death never compromise age. And I truly believe that Allah knows best, that He’s the Most Guardian, and He takes care of every living being in this universe. I guess when the time comes, we know that we don’t have choice but to leave, so perhaps… perhaps, there’s not much to think about. And so we just leave. Otherwise, the only thing we’d have in our mind on our last day is the preparation we’ve made our entire life to ‘survive’ in the afterlife. Was it enough?

But for a mother, to leave the small child behind, knowing the fact that the child still need more to learn, still need her in almost every part of his/her growing episode… Oh, that’s trembling! For the person who is still alive, and is a mother, if I ever imagine myself to leave my son behind, I just can’t tell how much it’d tear my heart apart. Maybe I am not ready yet, maybe I am so attached to this temporary world which I know I shouldn’t, but I am just an ordinary human being… And I am a mother.

A mother always put herself last when it comes to children.

  

Life is short… So take this as a wakeup call to preparing myself for ‘my time’…..

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) as saying:

When a man dies, his acts come to an end, but three, recurring charity, or knowledge (by which people) benefit, or a pious son, who prays for him (for the deceased).

{Book 013, Chapter 4, Number 4005 : Sahih Muslim}

When he calls us and we ignore...

Often hear that parents have to beware of whatever they want to utter, especially in front of the children... coz children learn from what they hear and see, and mostly from their everyday people around them?

Hah, I couldn't agree more....

Often when we're in the middle of conversation, the two of us, the daddy and the ummi talking, suddenly, there's small voice repeating after ours... Not all words of course, but surprisingly he hits the key words only... :D

 And since-I-don't-remember, he sometimes calls us Yanggg (abbrev. for Sayang), especially after a few attempt of calling and we don't answer/appear.... Or sometimes he just calls us that way whenever he likes.

The 21st months. Another 3 months to go

Dear Aaron Houdd,

Do you remember the day when I was eating my yogurt for lunch and you came to me and took the balance yogurt and smeared it over my face and my hair?

And than you said "Haasem" (handsome) to me...

And so I paid you back, smudged your nose with the yogurt, and your cheeks, and your forehead.

And you said "Haasem", this time referring to yourself....

We both had our best giggles together.
It was a fun day wasn't it?

-- These days, there are only the two of us around most of the time. And we have become a good teammate. Thank you for giving me all the mess, following me to everywhere, and 'helping' me with the chores...

And thank you for always be there for me, for good and for bad.

Thank you for being my best friend
I LOVE YOU EVERYDAY!

Happy 21 month old Aaron Houdd...

How to enjoy yummy cornflakes, by Aaron Houdd

Last night, as I was reading my journal for a good 5 minutes (or maybe less?), Aaron Houdd suddenly came and spilled his chicken porridge over my lappy's keyboard.... I was perplexed and almost went nuts!

Than, just after that, he did something else....

I was so exhausted... and couldn't take any more pressure (Imagine now that your laptop is so messy)... I just let him enjoy whatever he was doing....

And than, decided to just enjoy the moment, took it as one of his learning process, I ended up making a video out of the chaos....

And the video is specially dedicated to my family members, especially those who always ask me to upload more photos and videos of Aaron Houdd (like everyday asking me to do that, OK! hehe)....

To Tok Daddy, we know you may geleng kepala and cakap Ummi Aaron tak senonoh and all, but that's the point! Hahaha.... Chillax and peace! :)

So enjoy!

Oppsss.. Don't worry, so far Aaron sihat walafiat and tak sakit perut ke apa.... hehe.

Dua gambar kat atas tu Aaron amek sendiri, dia tekan self-timer kot. Hahaha.... self obsession, like who? (Daddy, sila jawab.haha)

Macam mana cara berpantang yang sebenar?

Aaron 12 days old. Kitorang jalan2 makan angin and balik S.Alam sekejap time ni.
Keesokan harinya dia menjadi budak botak!

About a week ago in one evening, I brought Aaron Houdd to a playground. We did the usual things there. Than, I met one Pakistani mother with her pretty daughter playing side by side with Aaron. So we greet each other and started the conversation.

Surprisingly, the mother was actually in her confinement period. She just had delivered her 2nd baby girl for the past 2 weeks.... I asked her who took care of the baby, she said the maid. She said the sister (her first daughter) is so active and loves to kacau the adik that is why she brings her to the playground...Tell you what, she is a doctor! And rileks je dia jalan2 pergi playground and all... Heheh.

So question here: Kalau tak pantang macam mana nak sembuh? habislah nanti bentan!

And terus teringat one famous claim yang selalu I dengar: Muda-muda boleh la tak jaga, nanti dah tua haaa, baru lah sakit itu ini....

So here's another question: How is the real confinement anyway?

Selalunya kalau bercerita pasal berpantang ni akan ada dua kategori: Cara modern and cara tradisional. And kedua2 cara ni memang opposite.

Ada yang cakap cara modern yang betul, tapi kalau kita orang melayu and duduk kat Malaysia, kebanyakannya akan cakap cara tradisional adalah yang terbaik. 

Tapi sebelum pergi kepada detail and tentukan cara mana paling betul, kita tau ke apa dia cara pantang modern, apa pulak cara pantang tradisional? 

OK I bukan seorang doktor, bukan jugak seorang mak bidan. And I cuma baru ada 1 kali pengalaman melahirkan anak. So kalau rasa apa yg I cakap ni salah or tak suka...Tak apa :)

Personally, I paling tak suka kalau orang suka banding2kan cara mana yang modern atau tradisional. Kalau kita buat something yang orang rasa pelik, than akan ada yang cakap "Itu cara modern. Orang muda, mana tau. Nanti dah tua bila dah sakit2 badan barulah rasa"

Kalau kita ikut benar2 cara tradisional pulak, nanti ada pulak yang menyapa "Aduh kau ni, kolot sungguh. Zaman sekarang benda2 ni semua mengarutlah!"

Seolah-olah ada 1 je cara yang betul. 

Melahirkan anak adalah satu perkara yang besar. Apatah lagi kalau czer, operation yang dilakukan tu adalah major operation tau. Incision site tu besar (bayanglah boleh bawak keluar sorang baby, tak besar?)

Bagi I, tak kisahlah apa yang kita nak buat, cara apa nak guna, paling penting biarlah benda tu ada dasarnya, ada objektif dan sesuatu yang terbaik untuk badan kita. Tak kisah la cara tu orang nak kata modern ke tradisional ke...

Perkara paling penting yang kena ambil kisah adalah the healing process itself. Besalin menggunakan banyak tenaga. Kalau yang normal tu nak meneran nya... Pehhh... and nak tahan sakit tu pun memerlukan kekuatan dalaman yang memenatkan jugak kan? So haruslah kita kena REHAT secukupnya sejurus lepas bersalin dan ambil makanan yang BERKHASIAT untuk proses pemulihan dalaman dan luaran.

I rasa semua orang patut faham yang during pantang memang kena banyak REST. Sebab simple je. Nak pulihkan tenaga, and sebenarnya along the way kita berpantang tu dah cukup memenatkan sebab nak take care of diri sendiri yang belum betol2 sembuh and baby. Kalau dapat hire assistant or nany pn OK juga. Tapi siapa kata kalau berpantang kena duduk je, baring je? Uih, mana nak cepat baik macamtu?

I dulu masa 2nd day doktor dah suruh bangun and belajar berjalan. I think this is a normal procedure utk c-sect mom. And kena bersenam jugak sikit2. Baru badan tak rasa letih tak tentu pasal. And not only me, I think zaman sekarang ramai orang berpantang sendiri je. Masak sendiri, jaga anak sendiri, basuh baju sendiri.... Cuma standard la buat sikit2 and ikut termampu je la. Dah awak pun jalan slow motion je nak setle cepat macam mana ye tak? Hehe... Schedule fleksible....

Kalau ikut doktor, semasa dalam pantang memang kena minum banyak air. Sebab 1) taknak badan dehydrate. Nanti lebih letih 2) Nak menyusukan baby kan? kenalah minum air supaya susu pun boleh keluar 3) Mengelakkan sembelit. Bayanglah dah sakit bersalin, sembelit lagi. Oh no!

And than, doktor selalu akan nasihatkan supaya makan makanan yang kaya dengan protein untuk pembentukan dan pemulihan tisu dan sel. Protein base product terbaik adalah dari sayuran dan sumber daging putih. Kalau nak makan daging lembu pun OK. Tp kalau tak bersalin pun semua tau daging putih lebih sihat dan mudah cerna...

Jangan skip sumber nutrisi tertentu semata2 kerana takut jahitan tak baik atau luka lambat sembuh. Masa zaman I kecik dulu I tengok my auntie berpantang makan nasi kosong, ikan bilis goreng and kuah sayur. Aduh, 60 hari makan macam tu je. Oh no!

I faham ada orang cakap makanan sejuk la panas la. I pernah tanya O&G. dia tanya I balik "u ni ada keturunan cina ke? org cina yg selalu ada byk pantang larang, makan sejuk la panas la, fengshui la"... and then dia cakap lagi benda ni is subjektif. kalau nk cakap dari segi saintifik, kalau cth tembikai tak boleh makan sebab sejuk - tembikai mengandungi gula (fruktose etc). ayat mudah, gula akan menjadi sumber tenaga dlm badan. penghasilan tenaga (energy) akan melibatkan pembebasan haba.

I ambil jalan tengah, as I am a scientist I memang tak deny la apa yg doktor ni cakap. cumenye mungkin ia juga bergantung kepada individu itu sendiri. sebab setiap manusia ni unik kan? mungkin ada faktor lain seperti paras kesihatan kita secara umum, penyakit2 lain seperti diabetis ke, darah tinggi ke, sakit saraf/sendi, apa2 infection ke, apa2 lah... atau pun thap toleransi kita terhadap sesuatu bahan makanan - allergy etc. So still, ia bergantung kpd individu. I think seorang individu yg sihat wal'afiat (in general), tiada masalah untuk mengambil makanan2 yang sihat, bersih dan halal kerana tubuh badannya mampu bertoleransi dgn baik. Yang menjadi masalah adalah bila kita makan makanan yg tak sihat (preservatives, colouring, etc) atau tidak seimbang (cth terlebih herbs yg menyebabkan seseorang tak tahan -panas badan, cirit birit, etc atau lebih gula,garam etc). Jangan lupa pengambilan herbs/spices yang sihat juga boleh menjadi mudharat sekiranya ia diambil pada paras yg berlebihan atau tidak disertakan dgn gizi lain. So kalau nak selamat daripada terlebih ambil herbs/spices, yg pd awalnya mungkin boleh mengeluarkan angin dan melegakan badan, better la kita tidak lupakan nutrisi2 dari sumber yg lain.

Oh ye siapa cakap dalam pantang boleh makan APA SAHAJA? heheh... Dah awak sakit kan, kenalah jaga makan jugak...

Pantang pertama, kalau kita hidup memang ada alergik, so time pantang elakkan lah makan apa yang kita alergik tu. Contoh I tak boleh makan seafood macam udang and sotong, and setengah2 ikan macam ikan kembung. Kalau makan nanti naik gatal2. So time pantang I elakkan makan tu semua. Sesetengah orang alahan benda lain macam kerang, kekacang, etc. Up to individual.

I elakkan makan yang berminyak and kolestrol tinggi.. Ala, kesimpulannya, kalau nak tau makanan tu berkhasiat ke tak, makan macam kalau kita sihat tapi nak maintain diet seimbang and taknak gemuk.

Ada orang cakap elok makan ikan haruan ketika pantang esp czer sebab nak bagi luka cepat sembuh. I memang the first 2 weeks I makan ikan haruan je. Yg fresh lagitu! Maybe sebab kandungan protein dia very high kot. And I was told that ikan haruan ni dia ada 1 kelebihan. klu kita pancing dia, terlepas dari kail, dia boleh lompat masuk balik dlm sungai (susha mati). Mungkin due to very high protein content plus other hormones/enzymes yg ada pg ikan tu... Kalau korang dok ovesea makanlah ikan lain, takkan nak carik ikan haruan jugak. Susah kot. Ayam? Ayam pun sumber protein yg baik (daging putih kan). Tapi ramai orang tak bagi makan ayam sbb takut gatal ke apa. I think chicken is not the problem. I makan ayam hari ke3, makanan hospital. OK je.. tp maybe kalau betul ayam tu bg ruam ke, gatal ke apa, samada kita yg alergik ngn ayam, or ayam tu ayam suntik yg kita mungkin tak tahan dgn effect nya. Ayam kampung ok kot (ceruk mana nk carik?).

I think kalau orang cakap jgn minum ais, jgn makan pedas, jgn makan yang angin2, no harm kalau kita ikut. Sbb by nature pun memang those things are not good untuk kita consume. Ais, tak elok kan. pedas tu takut perut memulas kan susah nak ke toilet semua...baby pun kesian...*I ada pengalaman 2 kali demam sebab breast bengkak susu terlalu banyak sebab 1)I minum air sejuk-even no ais kat mcD 2) I gi tengok wayang ngn hubby masa hari ke 35 kot, panggung tu sejuk sangat and air pun sejuk that is why bengkak and demam. So it's a big NO for me on taking ice.hehe*

Other than that I tak berapa strict sangat. Generally, asalkan I rasa benda tu OK in term of nutrition, hygiene and taste of coz, I akan makan. Tapi I bukan nya main ikut suka je. I puas tanya my OnG specialist, and a few kawan2 yang doctor tentang apa yg boleh and tak boleh di makan. In fact, one of my friend, she's a doctor and time pantang dia makan kari ayam. Oh dia pun czer jugak. Hahaha.... I tak la makan kari ayam sebab tak suka kari, bersantan and susah kot nak masak kari ayam. Simple2 sudah.Hehe...

one of my fav during confinement: Pasta salad.

Tu bab makan... Bab berurut, bengkung and tungku?

I rasa tak salah. Asalkan kena pada cara. Yelah, bukan selalu dapat pergi SPA. Silap2 kalau tak bersalin tak dapat merasa orang urut2 badan kita. Tapi sesetengah doktor tak galakkan urutan yang menyakitkan. Sebab boleh jadi worse. Maybe ambil jalan tengah, urutlah tapi jangan yg sampai badan sendiri tak boleh take it. Boleh ke mcmtu? Hehe...

Bengkung ke tak pun bergantung. I masa 2nd day dah pakai girdle. And tell you what, rasa perut lagi ketat and secure. And paling penting kurang rasa sakit sebab kurang gegaran. Ini pun atas nasihat my OnG specialist. I rasa kalau nak mudah, tak payah la pakai yang kain ela panjang2 sape nak tolong ikatkan ye tak? zaman skarang ramai yang pantang sendiri jek, tak de dah mak bidan datang umah.... Pastu agak2 dah baik luka, pakai je korset kan senang. Hehe...

Tungku tu orang cakap nak bagi angin keluar. I tak sure. Tapi kalau nak buat sedap badan, rileks, memang OK lah...haha. Kan dah cakap time ni lah nak manjakan diri. Hehe...

Bab pakai pilis kat kepala, benda ni most ppl yang pakai cakap kepala rasa ringan sebab kurang angin. I dulu tak sempat carik so tak pakai. Tapi one of my problem masa dalam pantang dulu is memang I rasa angin kat kepala. Tak best. Hehe... My late grandma dulu, sapa2 sakit kepala dia memang akan buat pilis. My dad pun penah pakai pilis tu. Hehe...

Jamu and pil, some doctors mmg tak galakkan due to content dia sometimes tak jelas. And most docs and paeds tak bg ambil jamu kalau kita breastfeeding. Alah, I tak makan jamu pun Alhamdulillah sihat. Berat badan sama macam before pregnant. Kalau gemuk pn sbb suke makan malam2. Bukan sbb tak makan jamu. I lebih sayang anak daripada nak cantik. Hehe

So I rasa takde timbul isu tradisional or modern. I tak faham bila doktor cakap benda yang boleh dan tak, bila kita ikut cakap doktor ada jugak orang akan cakap "Doktor tu mana tau, dia modern" I terfikir jugak habis kalau doktor pun tak tau, even dia doktor pakar, so sapa lebih tau? takkan banker, takkan photographer? 

And biasa orang akan cakap time pantang kalau tak jaga betul2 nanti tua sakit2 badan. I totally agree. Silap2 lambat baik. Tapi 'jaga' tu dalam konteks yang betul lah. And kalau nak sihat, bukan time pantang 40-60 hari je kena jaga, pastu lepas pantang makan apa sahaja and tak bersenam. Bajet boleh sihat tubuh badan sampai umur 70 tahun? Silap2 sakit jantung... Point is, kalau nak sihat, kena jaga makan and lifestyle every day!

Kadang2 kalau kita buat kerja rumah time berpantang, orang cakap macam tak syang badan and modern. Tapi kadang2 orang yang cakap tu daripada bercakap apa kata tolong kita buat kerja rumah. Hehe... Kita pun suka kalau ada assistant ye tak. 

And I think ni bukan soal sayang badan atau tak. I think maybe kita beruntung sebab masyarakat kita ni jenis yang 'menjaga' and 'concern'. Tapi tak semua orang ada peluang nak manjakan diri betul2 time pantang. Life must go on maa. I just imagine kalau kita dok negara orang, takde sapa nak tolong sangat melainkan husband and closest friends, nak taknak kena buat sendiri semua kan? Cuma I think it depends on us la strategi apa nak guna untuk memudahkan kerja kita....

Instead, I sebenarnya rasa pelik kalau orang yang dah lepas 30 hari tapi masih tak boleh buat kerja rumah apa semua. I tak cakap I terer tau. Kalau u all baca my prev entries about my confinement, u all tau I pun serabut and kelam kabut time confinement. Tapi kita kena belajar jugak nak taknak. Tak boleh nak keep on blaming the situation. Once dah ada baby kecik, memang hidup berubah, masa takde...Tp bukan maksudnya mustahil utk buat apa yg kita nak... Kena kuat semangat sikit lah.

I teirngat masa I dalam pantang dulu my cousins in law datang visit and dorang kata dorang bajet masa masuk rumah I mesti ada bau orang bersalin and I duduk atas katil je. Sekali I rileks je macam tak bersalin... Hehe.. Ala, time tu dah week 3. Boleh la I berlagak terer sket. Hehe.. Lagipun memang dah boleh jalan and buat kerja... Kalau first week tu memang banyak duduk je lah.Hehe...

Apapun, like I said earlier, I bukan doktor and I tak expert bab ni. Ini cuma my sharing berdasarkan info yang I korek2 masa I berpantang dulu. Czer or normal, basic nya sama je. Yang beza maybe time of healing, cara menjada luke tu and few other small matters...Wallahua'lam...

Aaron 2 month old. Tembamnye time nih!