Sunday, April 22, 2012

Zaman memang sudah berubah.

Baru-baru ni I secara tak sengajanya terbaca satu forum tentang marriage life ni. Banyak info yg I dapat and belajar daripada forum tersebut. Disebabkan forum tu bersifat umum, jadi topik2 perbincangannya juga agak general - daripada isu pra perkahwinan (persiapan wedding etc), pengantin baru, family in general, baby dan lain-lain....
Dalam banyak2 topik, I berkanan dengan topik family planning. I perasan tajuk tu menjadi hangat bila ada dua pendapat tentang perlunya merancang keluarga ni. Ada yang bersetuju, ada jugak yang tidak. Kedua2nya mempunyai hujah2 yang baik. Dan mungkin juga apa sahaja pendapat yang kita pegang tu ada sangkut pautnya juga dengan latar belakang kita.

Secara kesimpulannya I lihat mana2 pihak yang bersetuju perlunya family planning ni majoritynya adalah dari kalangan mereka2 yang sudah berumah tangga, and kebanyakannya ibu muda. Mungkin lah kerana faktor2 seperti kekangan masa, keperluan mengurus rumah tangga dan lain2, di mana kebanyakan ibu2 muda zaman sekarang memang mempunyai banyak tanggungjawab samada di rumah ataupun di luar rumah.

Pada pendapat peribadi I, samada merancang ataupun tidak, semuanya terserah kepada pasangan itu sendiri. Cuma yang penting, bak kata Dr. Harlina, SETIAP ANAK MESTILAH DIKEHENDAKI.

Mari kita lihat istilah 'merancang keluarga' dan 'persiapan sebelum mempunyai anak' sebagai suatu yang positif.

Merancang keluarga BUKAN bermaksud kita perlu menyekat kehamilan untuk sekian-sekian lama, atau mengehadkan jumlah anak. Ia mungkin lebih baik jika difahami sebagai mempersiapkan diri dan persekitaran demi kelahiran SETIAP cahaya mata. Itu boleh jadi jika kita belum betul2 bersedia dari sisi2 tertentu, kita boleh 'menangguhkan' kehamilan mengikut cara2 yg telah disyorkan oleh doktor.

Tetapi ia juga boleh jadi sebaliknya, di mana jika kita sudah bersedia, maka kita perlu mempersiapkan diri dan persekitaran agar dapat menjaga diri dan kandungan dengan baik. Itu termasuklah mengambil asid folik sejak sebelum kehamilan, dan mula menjaga kesihatan diri secara serius, seiring dengan doa dan tawakal kepada Allah yang memberi rezeki. Ini juga termasuk para suami kerana benih yang baik datangnya dari suami itu sendiri. Jadi sekiranya anda sudah merancang untuk memiliki anak, suami itu dahulu yang perlu memastikan dirinya sihat dan benih yang bakal disumbangkan kepada isteri adalah yang terbaik!

Biasa terdengar (juga di dalam forum tersebut) hujah paling kukuh untuk tidak berapa menyukai family planning adalah kerana setiap anak adalah rezeki dari Allah. Maka jika kita merancang kehamilan, maka kita menolak rezeki Allah. Siapa kita untuk menolak rezeki Allah?

Satu lagi hujah adalah mengapa pasangan zaman sekarang terlalu suka dengan family planning sedangkan para ibu2 pada zaman dahulu mampu melahirkan dan mengasuh anak yang ramai tanpa gagal? Apatah lagi jika zaman dahulu, ramai di kalangan para ibu tidak bekerja dan si ayah hanya petani, nelayan atau peniaga kecil-kecilan yang bergaji rendah. Mampu juga membesarkan anak sehingga dewasa?

Kedua2 hujah I setuju 100%. Benar, anak adalah rezeki Allah. Anak juga adalah amanah dan tanggungjawab kepada ibu bapa. Jadi, biarlah kita menyediakan yang terbaik buat anak kita mengikut kemampuan, dan mendidik mereka dengan baik. Rezeki yang datangnya dari Allah perlulah disyukuri dan dipelihara. Kerana rezeki adalah nikmat. Tetapi jika rezeki itu tidak dilihat sebagai nikmat, sebaliknya menjadi bebanan, maka adakah kita bersyukur dengan rezeki tersebut?

Sejak di universiti I bergiat aktif di dalam NGO. Banyak isu remaja bermasalah lahir daripada keluarga yang tidak sakinah. Secara logiknya, mungkin tiada ibu bapa yang sanggup mengaku merasa terbeban dengan bilangan anak yang ramai dan kesempitan hidup di tambah dengan masalah suami isteri yang tidak pernah berkesudahan. Tapi I juga mendengar luahan pelajar2 yang sering diherdik, dipukul oleh ibu/bapa dengan kata-kata kesat sambil menyatakan bahawa mereka hanyalah menyusahkan keluarga sahaja. Pernah juga I terdengar ibu bapa yang setiap kali mempunyai masalah akan melepaskan kemarahannya kepada anak2 dan merungut2 di hadapan anak2, sehinggakan si anak tidak ubah seperti bebanan mereka semata-mata. Agak menyedihkan apabila keadaan ibu bapa yang suka marah anak2 di khalayak ramai sambil menunjal kepala dan mencarut di hadapan anak2, walaupun si anak baru berumur sekitar 5 ke 7 tahun. Dan ayat yang saya sudah beberapa kali dengar selain 'bodoh' adalah 'menyusahkan aku saja'. Astaghfirullah...

Mungkin ini adalah masalah sikap. Tiada kaitan dengan perlunya merancang keluarga. Tapi kes-kes yang komplikated mempunyai banyak faktor. Jika kita berharta, mempunyai banyak kemudahan, mungkin anak seramai 5-7 orang tidaklah menjadi masalah. Tetapi bagaimana dengan yang tidak mempunyai pekerjaan yang tetap dan sebagainya? Jadi isu di sini bukanlah semata-mata berapa jumlah anak dan jaraknya tetapi perancangan tersebut bergantung kepada setiap keluarga mengikut kapasiti dan kemampuan masing2. Dan kemampuan itu, hanya kita yang mampu mengukurnya. Ia termasuklah dari segi ketahanan mental, kewangan, masa dan sikap.

Zaman memang telah banyak berubah. Jika dahulu para ibu tidak bekerja dan hanya menguruskan hal rumah tangga, kini para ibu majoritynya terdiri daripada para graduan university dan ramai juga yang berkerjaya. Jangan hanya melihat faktor kewangan sebagai penyebab perlunya perancangan keluarga. Benar, anak itu rezeki. Kita tidak perlu bergaji besar untuk mempunyai anak! Sebaliknya ia bergantung kepada bagaimana kita menguruskan kewangan dan pandai menyelenggara kewangan apabila berlakunya pertambahan ahli keluarga.

Tetapi ada banyak faktor lain yang perlu dipertimbangkan. Zaman sekarang, jika bergaji tinggi sekalipun, kita akan dikenakan income tax. Menaiki kenderaan perlu membayar tol dan mengisi minyak. Mahu makan pun bukan seperti zaman dahulu yang jika tiada apa-apa boleh lihat sekeliling rumah dan petik-petik sahaja ulam yang ada. Rata-rata kos nursery atau pembantu rumah sahaja boleh memeningkan kepala. Itu belum lagi kos pendidikan, rumah sakit dan sebagainya.

Bagi ibu bapa yang bekerja, cubalah kira berapa banyak masa yang kita luangkan di jalan raya, pejabat dan lain2 jika ingin dibandingkan dengan masa yang ada di rumah. Itu belum lagi bagi pasangan yang jarak jauh. Bagi I isu masa amat penting. Lebih2 lagi I sendiri dibesarkan di tangan ramai pengasuh dan amat sukar bertemu dengan ibu bapa sendiri kerana masing2 sibuk bekerja. Suami pula dari baby telah dijaga oleh neneknya. Semasa remaja, teman baik dan penyimpan rahsia2 I bukanlah ibu atau ayah, tetapi adalah rakan-rakan.

Faktor-faktor begini yang sebenarnya menyumbang kepada masalah stress dan menyebabkan kesediaan kita untuk memiliki sebuah keluarga yang besar kadangkala terganggu. Jangankan soal anak, suami isteri juga boleh bergaduh kerana isu-isu kewangan, tugas, tanggungjawab, sikap dan lain-lain lagi, walaupun masih belum mempunyai anak.

Lagipun, zaman sekarang majority kita sudahpun terdedah kepada ilmu-ilmu merancang keluarga, tidak seperti zaman dahulu. Lagipun, tidak semua kita mahu anak-anak kita membesar sebagaimana susahnya kita dibesarkan dahulu, kerana kita tidak mahu anak2 kita merasai kesusahan dan keperitan yang pernah kita alami. Jadi adalah agak kurang adil jika kita ingin menyamakan zaman dahulu dan sekarang sedangkan ternyata sudah berubah.

Itu belum lagi jika dilihat faktor anak2 itu sendiri. Dulu, anak2 sangat menghormati ibu bapa. Jika ibu menjegil mata saja kita sudah tahu kita melakukan kesalahan dan cepat2 membetulkan diri. Kalau nakal lagi pasti akan kena rotan. Sekarang, jika kita jegil mata silap2 anak akan tanya "Kenapa mak, pandang2 macam tu?". Kalau anak remaja sikit, kena tegur sikit silap haribulan tak tegur kita seminggu. Bayangkan kalau memiliki keluarga yang tidak dirancang?

Kemahuan dan keperluan anak juga sudah berubah. Dulu kita seronok bermain tarik upih, galah panjang, atau baling selipar. Sekarang, nak beli mainan baby pun harganya boleh mencecah puluhan ringgit. Itu belum lagi yang mahukan handphone. Internet sudah menjadi kemestian. Kalau kita mahu terlalu menyekat anak, nanti psikologinya pula akan terjejas. Manakan tidak, di sekolah kawan2 yang lain semua bercerita tentang apa yang dia tiada. Janganlah katakan anak, ibu bapa zaman sekarang pun dah sibuk berfacebook dan lain2 kan? :)

Jadi sebagai kesimpulan, merancang keluarga ni perlulah dilihat dari sisi positif. Jika nak memulakan bisnes online pun kita punyai bermacam2 strategi, takkan ingin menjaga amanah Allah yang satu ini kita boleh bersikap sambil lewa? Dan perlulah difahami bahawa merancang keluarga bukanlah semestinya kita mengehadkan anak kepada jumlah yang sedikit. Kita masih boleh memiliki 4-6 orang anak, asalkan biarlah setiap satunya DIKEHENDAKI.

Wallahua'lam...

* Teringat kisah seorang kakak di lab yang sudah mempunyai 5 orang anak, setiap satu jaraknya dekat2. Selepas kelahiran anak ke 5 doktor suruh si kakak ni melakukan IUD atau ikat terus. Paling tidak buatlah implan. Agak marah juga doktor tersebut. Tapi kakak ni rileks je dan cakap, "taknak lah sebab saya nak anak lagi". Walaupun anaknya rapat2, tapi setiap satunya memang dikehendaki :)
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Saturday, April 21, 2012

A great little star in the house!

Oh I just realized that blogger.com is having a new sophisticated look now!

Assalamu'alaikum dear friends,
Today is not a good day for me in terms of health condition. I am having nausea since afternoon. I'd throw up whatever food I ingest. And I notice this prolong nausea has happened since last monday... Ayyooo, En.hubby nak balik this monday, I pulak tak sihat... Huhuhu...

Sadly, Aaron Houdd is in TokDaddy's house since last night. He's OK during day time but will definetly throw some tantrums in the early morning. And when that happens, he'll refuse everybody except whoever he'd choose on that particular time and that could last for 2-3 hours, perhaps until Subuh! But my condition doesn't allow me to drive back to Tok Daddy's house to be with my dear son... Sorry sayang!

Speaking of that boy.... I've kept a lot of stories about him in my brain. Pity the Daddy who always ask for updates but so sorry I couldn't make it so oftenly. Huhu...

I don't remember whether or not I've ever told you this: Aaron Houdd has become a nifty, terrific singer in the house! He loves singing and he'll sing in almost every word he's expressing - yes, even to the point he's asking Onni for kopok (keropok), or asking Mama for a milk.

He'll sing - "Onni, fry kopok, Onni fry kopok... Pleaseeee" or "Mama, make milk, mama make milk... pleaseeeee"

He has a good vocal and the pitching is not bad either. Just that... Sometimes he loves to mix and match the lyrics. Oh and the melody is standard to every song. Hahaha!

He loves to sing the Alphabet song, from A TO the 'next time won't you sing with me?'.
and the 1,2,3 song.... sometimes up to 20. And the Alif Ba Ta up to Yaa...

But now he prefers to mix A,B,C with Alif Ba Taa... or sometimes in the middle you can hear Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Alhamdulillah, he has now mastered the alphabet, numbers and Jawi, though with slight mistakes every now and then. That's fair enough for a 2 years old boy like him don't you think so? :)

Aaron Houdd is now our official reciter of The Du'a before eating.

But don't ever mess up with this little boy. He'll give you a 'look' when you are around the dinner table but you don't raise your hand for the Du'a. He'd sometimes stop reciting the Du'a if there is distraction... or more precisely if he got distracted. Haha... We tried to record this but to our dismay, he never allow us. He'd either stop reciting the Du'a, or usually diverge the Du'a with some songs. Haiyyaaaa!

And he'll recite Bismillahirrahmanirrahiiimmm before every bf session :)

And he can now talk over the phone. Just this morning he asked me to come over because he hasn't change his diaper and wanted me to bathe him. So funny. But surely you can't expect much. If you have 3 minutes with him on the line, you'll only get to speak with him for a good 1 minute, and the rest is the sound oh him pressing the buttons.

What else?

Oh and a lot more.... Just like any other child his age. And what's written here is something that I want to keep and remember, and perhaps for him to know in the future :)

It's very tiring having him around, but it's so flattering at the same time. Last few days my labwork was messed up and I was so tired because I worked more than a normal office hour for two consecutive days plus my sickness condition, yet the result I got was not good. I thought of going back to Shah Alam, had some rest and be alone. Instead, I drove straight to my boy despite all the tense. As expected, everything went just fine as I first saw him, even from 100 metres away!

I guess that is one of thousands more hikmah of having children. Alhamdulillah :D

OK lah. Till then...

Tengok tu. Dah bujang dah! :p

* Tak sabar nak tunggu Daddy Aaron Balik and nak bagi Daddy Aaron impress bila dengar Aaron nyanyi I LOVE U by Barney siap dengan gaya :DD *

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Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Why english education from an early age?

I was grown in a small village where 90% of the community speaks Javanese and English is just as one compulsory subject in school. The Malay words pronunciations were always sounds so Javanese, let alone when we speak in English :)
   
I was then gained my secondary education in one of the Islamic school in Klang, which at that time, English was also something very discordant to the ear. I remember every time we tried to communicate in English, we'll get the look as if we were using vulgar words publicly. And it didn't just happen to me, but to most of the students there with the same effort. I often heard deprecation towards those who were known to use English as their daily communication language (which trust me you can count that with your fingers) as "Arrogant person" and "Poyo or macam bagus".

I only remember 3 of my English teachers back in my school time. One from my primary school (Teacher Hjh Salwa, the one who made me love English so much), and the rest were from my secondary school (Teacher Haslina Ali and Teacher Nailis Sulha). I owe them huge favors as they had taught me this 'foreign' language and brought this language to my life. Not that I don't appreciate the other teachers. Of course I do. But the problem with our school back then was lack of teachers and we always had to face substituted teachers and there were times where we had to wait for weeks (sometimes up to a month) just for one teacher! So yes, we didn't really have the opportunity to learn English in a proper way.

During matriculation, it didn't affect much as what I could recall, but one thing I encountered was my  low self-esteem against those who came from well known boarding schools and convent/methodist based schools as most of them could speak flawlessly (at least to my ears.Hehe)... 

Then came my campus life.... My English at that time, I can consider as still very poor. I just got band 4 for MUET, and I didn't have much practice in speaking my whole life. Hence, I had almost zero confident to speak in English publicly. One fact you need to know is in University of Malaya, we are seen as '1Malaysia' and the competition is always so obviously stiff. If you are in Science Faculty or other faculties which the majority of the students there are not Malay, and you don't really speak English, other races would not really like to approach you. Easier word, they may look down on you. We may not bother to have no Chinese or Indian friends but I think it'd bother me enough if I was seen as a non productive Malay. Bigger issue, I was holding a title as a Muslim....

Luckily, my course only had 38 students and only 4 of us were Malay. Others were all Chinese. So I took that as a challenge for me to practice more in speaking. But I was so busy with many programs and activities (campus and NGOs) so I didn't spent much time with my course-mates - a big loss to me.

Yet, the biggest problem to me was during the examination time. Alhamdulillah, I didn't have problems reading lecture notes and reference books which were all in English. But the problem was during the time I want to construct sentences to answer the exam questions. I would take more time just to construct words although I understand the questions and definitely knew the answers! This is a very common problem everyone with poor English background would encounter. And I was one of those! I was hoping that I could learn English one more time just like we did during school time, but to my dismay, UM doesn't offer English subject in/for Science Faculty... Although I graduated with quite a good result but not in the Dean list, I always know I could do better if I don't have problem with English! 

I started to learn English earnestly during my undergraduate time. But honestly it wasn't that easy when you learn without a teacher! My best affordable teachers were always one of my best friend and Mr. World Wide Web... I used to read dictionary like I read novel! :D I wanted to take extra class for English but during that time I faced many constraints, one of those was money...

And up till now, I'm still improving my English. Believe it or not, sometimes when I am writing my thesis and I got grammar issue, I'd spend my time googling and peeking through English Learning website instead of continuing my writing....

By reading my blog, you must have noticed a lot of mistakes in my writings. Some of the mistakes are even the simple and silly ones. Hehe. Let me tell you something. The first challenge in learning is to build self confidence (and fight the inferiority). When we know we are so lack in something, there's no way we want to show it to others, right? But in learning languages, we have no choice but to practice and practice.... So here, my blog is one of the tool for me to sharpen my english and writing skills. I can't be shy for the mistakes that I make, as I am learning from those mistakes. 

And yes, I may not have a lot of chance to improve my grammar (that one I think I need to seek a proper teacher. Hehe), but at least, I could shorten the time of constructing words, improving my vocabulary and therefore, learn to communicate better. 

So that is my long history of my silliness in English.

And by experiencing all that, I don't ever want my children to face the same difficulties like I do. My parents have been the most encouraging person to us in learning English. My dad especially.... But considering many factors, I now know how to introduce English language to my children in better way so that they are comfortable with the language. 

My English is not excellent. But That doesn't mean my children can't learn from me. And by teaching my children, I am actually learning too. We are now in a modern era where English should not be a problem to anyone. We live in Shah Alam where kids can speak English proficiently. I sometimes feel ashame when I hear a kid who is 20 years younger than me could speak way better than me. :p So just imagine my children time the next 5 years. If they can't master English, they may face a lot of difficulties especially along their education line. 

I remember my SIL once asked me why we plan to use English as our main communication language among family members? She even said "Macam  poyo aje lah"... I was just smiling to her and gave my reasons. But now as she already has a kid, I can see she is also trying to introduce English language to her kid. I am glad she did that and change that negative mentality before its too late.

I don't say it's compulsory to use English as our main language at home. But it's not wrong though. And that doesn't mean we belittle our mother language. Alhamdulillah my son can now understand both English and Malay quite well.  And we plan to teach him Arabic when the time is suitable :)

There is never too late in learning... But I think the easiest way is to start introducing whatever kind of education we desire from an early age... And my hubby and I have decided to use English as our main language for our kids as we have considered our life experiences as our benchmark. We never blame our surroundings, parents, teachers, etc. We are instead learning from them and somehow we really appreciate our history as that make us never want to stop learning :)

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P/S: A very common perception is when we try very hard to educate ourselves or our generation with 'foreign' languages, we are seen as the modernist who'd forgotten our origin. I think it should be the other way around. Because we are so proud of being Malay and most importantly, a Muslim, therefore we want to be at par with all the successful people, whatever it takes.

P/S/S: Some say why bother to blog in English. Some people hate to read it. And better don't fool yourself by showing how many mistakes you can make... I would say: Well, my Malay is not that good either. Most of us have problem with Malay too. So if you are so afraid of destroying English, why don't you feel the same about your mother language? -Just being sarcastic. Hehehe....
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Peace Be Upon You (",)

Peace Be Upon You (",)

Tribute to all mothers in the world!